Rehab
by loopyfanficer
Summary: To vent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.
1. Chapter 1

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X(haven't decided yet)

**Warnings: **SEX! (lol) from the first chapter and so on, Angst, Violence, Foul Language etc...

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic but I'm just wondering if I should continue or not. Some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others wont. I'm also looking for a Beta if anyone is up for it :) I don't really understand how to use the Beta part of this website so anyone please email me :) Anyway please read and review I'd love to know what you think about it, and download the song if you can, it kinda it's gets you into the mood of the story :)

xXx

**Chapter 1**

**PS! Some sexual action in this chapter folks! You have been warned! :D**

**Heero's POV**

**Baby, Baby  
When we first met  
I never felt something so strong**

**You were like my lover  
And my best friend  
All wrapped into one  
With a ribbon on it**

The mission had royally fucked up, many people had been slaughtered, many who weren't even soldiers. Landing Wing within a large cave near our current safehouse I sit silently for a while reflecting on what had just happened. We'd been framed, tricked into thinking Trieze was going to be holding a meeting within the Swedish Council Hall, however we were bombarded with mobile suits on approach. The battle was hard, we'd been out number by too many. Deathscythe had been pushed into a school which collapsed under it's weight, many children died. I feel my hands clench at the thought.

Popping open the hatch of my cockpit my eyes land on Deathscythe - it's cockpit door still closed and it's engine still on. Duo was going to take this badly. Exiting my suit I look down below to see Quatre and Trowa looking up at the Death machine.

"Duo!" I can hear Quatre calling, "Duo, please...come out." There is silence before the engine is cut and the cockpit door hisses open. Slowly Duo's hunched figure appears from within with his face bowed and passive. Looking up his dead eyes lock onto mine and I feel a slight shiver run down my spine. The expression on his face looks so out of place but I've seen it so many times before.

"Duo!" His eyes snap below to see the two other pilots, WuFei has already left to check the house was safe for us to enter. "Are you OK?"

There is silence until the other calls back, his voice unusually quite. "I'm OK Quatre."

"Thank Allah! Please come down, let's get something to eat."

Dead eyes raise to meet mine again and instantly I know what he wants, "you two go, I'll follow you shortly I just need to get some stats off Heero."

"Okay, don't be long." The blonde replies hesitantly. As soon as the two pilots have left Duo is on his way over towards me. Two seconds later he has me pinned against cold metal of my suit his mouth covering mine. I can feel his hot tears trickling down his face as he deepens his kiss. Without a word he leads me into the cockpit of my Gundam and I let him push me down into my bucket seat.

Straddling my lap he rests his hands on the cockpit wall behind my chair as he leans towards me. With his mouth a millimetre away from mine he speaks softly this voice slightly hoarse, "make me forget."

My hands are glued to his tight clad thighs as he kisses me hard. I can feel his obvious excitement against my stomach as he run his hands down my arms sending a tickling sensation through my nerves.

This is the relationship I have with Duo Maxwell.

I don't really understand how or why we started this. We were on a particularly hard mission which had caused many deaths. Tired, stressed and guilt ridden, when we returned to our camp site that night we got into a pretty heated argument over something or other. The next thing I knew he'd punched me, so naturally I punched him back. Expecting a punch back instead he pinned me to the nearest tree and kissed the living daylight out of me.

I did resist at first however I soon gave in telling him he was going to be a bad influence on me. Ever since then we fuck after every hard mission. It kinda makes us forget about everything for a while, Maxwell's always a bit happier afterwards, but I guess I'm the only one who notices. I think the other's don't really understand Maxwell – but then again neither do I.

The other's don't know what we get up to, Maxwell and I are nothing but comrades outside the bedroom. That's partly because I'm always busy writing up reports and he's always with Quatre and Trowa. Sometimes it hurts to think that he likes to spend more time with them rather than me. But I suppose our relationship doesn't include friendship of that sort. Not that I wouldn't like it to, but I think I remind Duo to much of all the bad shit that has happened to him in his life and I think I'm too scared at the thought of it.

I sigh in pleasure as he kisses his way down my bare chest after ripping my tank top off in hast. He still has tears running from his shining amethyst eyes which I have grown to love to stare into. They always seem endless and I could gaze into them for days. However Duo doesn't like to look at me during or after sex, because that's what we are to each other nothing but a little release, an escape from reality.

I watch as he pulls his t-shirt over his head and stands to unbutton his trousers. The whole time his eyes are glue to the ceiling. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I pull down my shorts and boxers. He looks beautiful standing in front of the doorway of the cockpit the light from the outside lining his petite but manly form highlighting all his ripped features from his dominant jaw line to the lines of his six pack. I don't think he realises how beautiful he is, and I'm not going to be the one to tell him. It's not part of our 'contract'.

I squeeze my eyes shut as he lowers himself onto me unprepared and so tight. He throws his head back in slight pain and ecstasy as he slowly moves up and down. I can feel my own breath rising and coming short as he continues and slowly picks up his pace. I place my hands on his bare thighs guiding him up and down. I feel him fall against my chest, placing his head in the crook of my neck. In front I can see my short breaths within the cool air.

Sometimes I try to resist Maxwell, I've always been taught to keep physical contact with humans to a bare minimum. I never wanted to have a distraction. It's funny how Duo has so much power over me. I would never let any of the other pilots get this close to me, but Duo...there's always been something different about him. I always feel better just when he's around and knowing that he's safe, maybe it's normal to feel this way towards someone you consider your best friend.

I can feel his short breaths tickling my neck as he gives out low moans of pleasure while I begin to jerk him off.

My time with Duo excites me. Maybe I can't resist him because this is the only time I actually feel alive. He reminds me what it's like to live. The war suppresses everything good you can ever feel, the constant feeling of guilt, stress and fear tends to take over – sometimes I feel like I want to give up, just to die on the battle field – but then Duo's always there to remind me of the other things in life. I wonder if he knows he does this to me...

I feel his nails dig into my shoulders as his comes over my hand and chest. A second later I'm spent and I can feel a wetness tickling the corners of my eyes and then a single tear falls down my face.

And now is the part I hate.

I watch in silence as he lifts himself off me. Turning away from me, as if all of a sudden he is shy about his body, he pulls on his clothes and leaves without saying a word.

Sat in my cockpit still naked I drop my head into my hands feeling tears seeping through my fingers. Since when did this become so complicated? Since when did I start to feel too much for Duo Maxwell?

**TBC...**

**Remember review and tell me what you think! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X(haven't decided yet)

**Warnings: **SEX! (lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic but I'm just wondering if I should continue or not. Some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others wont. I'm also looking for a Beta if anyone is up for it :) Please read and review I'd love to know what you think about it.

**Additional A/N:** Thank you to everyone who reviewed my first chapter :) You guys really know how to get a writer thinking! Now that my uni exams are over I've finally figured out how I'm going to write this fic (Other fics of mine will also be updated :)). I was contemplating on giving you short chapters with the song lyrics however when I started to write this chap I think I got a bit carried away, I also started to cry thinking about future chapters and how destroyed I'd feel if the person of my life left me lol. I decided to write big chaps in the end because it's so hard to fit all the emotions felt within small 4 page chapters. Anyway I had a lot to do in this chap I really wanted to show you guys how deeply Heero feels for Duo before the bastard runs off. It ties in with the line "**You were like my lover and my best friend, all wrapped into one with a ribbon on it". **Enjoy!

xXx

**Chapter 2**

If this was any normal person they would have been dead long ago, but Duo Maxwell has always been a dodger of death. I had to bite my lip as I tore the tight ropes from around his sore ankles and wrists. They've chaffed his skin nearly to the bone, causing him to recently develop an infection. I want to cry, scream and break things in anger as I look at the state he's in. How can someone so important to the world be so stupid?!

One month ago Duo left on a mission to retrieve some data from the Sanc Military base, and what a surprise he chose the day to go when they received their new troops. He was out numbered by 10,000, not even I could escape that. Since then he'd been tortured and nearly killed by the officers here in command. We had to count our lucky stars that Duo's the strongest and cockiest out of all of us, he never gave them any information on the Gundams'.

I can feel my breath getting uneasy as I feel for his pulse, it's there alright but very, very weak.

"God damn it 02." I murmur quietly as I quickly check over his body. I feel physically sick as I mentally note down all his injuries – too many by my count, he's lucky to even be alive. Giving a quick glance down at my watch I predict I have about 10 minutes until the extra security guards come and check on him. Low and behold when they do come hopefully they will find us gone and just the 4 dead officers I've killed by the cell door.

His hair is a mess, still half in its braid, while his body is covered in dirt and dried blood. I want to kill every person who's touched him in the past month, but I know that won't make anything right. I have to keep my mind on the current mission: get Duo out. Then blow the God Damn place to hell.

I carefully pick Maxwell's limp body off the floor and sling him over my shoulder remembering the last time he'd been captured. Luckily then he was conscious to walk. Surprisingly however he's very light, probably caused from starvation for the last month. Jogging down the empty corridor I make my way towards an old office (where I had entered the building). There I would be able to escape through the window.

A few minutes later we were out in the open and I had to smile at how easy they'd made it. Underestimating the Gundam pilots is a big mistake. Just as we make it to a decent hiding place, about 300 yards from the building in some shrubbery, the alarm sounds and red lights start to flash around the building.

Shifting Maxwell's body to the ground I reach into my back pocket and withdraw my trusty detonator. With a satisfied smirk on my face I firmly pressed the button and whisper, "Mission Complete."

The building blew into a million pieces as I moved to cover Maxwell's body with my own just to make sure nothing came our way and landed on him. I wait silently, listening to the dying screams and shouts of the soldiers as they try to escape. I should be feeling regret and guilt but I feel nothing. Those bastards tried to hurt one of us and in the worst way possible. None of them really understand the meaning of this war and why we fight.

Registering my queue that it's safe to go I swing Maxwell's limp body onto my shoulder again and make a run for it, the falling clouds of ash making us invisible in our escape.

Before I set off on my mission Doctor J had located a safehouse just 4 miles from the military base. He said it was an abandoned inherited house, deserted when the Peacecraft family was wiped out and many people made a run for it leaving all their worldly possessions behind.

The walk to the safehouse was easy enough, it locates in the middle of an over grown forest, private enough for the Gundam pilots. I stop in my tracks as we make a break from the busy forest and into the house grounds, the house is magnificent. The place is enormous compared to what the doctors usually shove us in. You can tell no one has been in the house for a while, wild ivy is growing disorderly up the monstrous walls covering most of the windows while the garden is extensively over grown. Trekking round the back I break down the back door (while taking a mental note that I would have to fix it later) and hurry inside, Duo's breathing is slowing down. Rushing up the large staircase I wonder into the first room were a large double bed is set against the sky blue back wall. Carefully resting him down on the dusty bed I quickly take off my backpack and search for my first aid kit.

"You're a son of a bitch you know that." I half whisper as I began to tend his wounds my hands as steady as a rock hiding my hysteria. Half an hour later he's sorted. His breathing and heartbeat have returned to normal.

Settling on the side of the bed I feel my insides churn, he nearly died, another couple of weeks maybe he would have. But would that of meant to me?

I frown slightly as I stare at his peaceful face and notice for the first time how young he looks. We are after all only teenagers - it's easy to forget when you're in the middle of a war trying to fight like adults. Noticing the bruising in his checks and his sunken black eyes it makes me want to march back to the base dig up all the bodies and kill them all over again.

I stay next to his side for a while wondering if he would wake up soon but knowing with his types of injuries he would be out for a while. Finally finding the courage I leave him to mend.

One week drifts by quickly. Between checking on Maxwell, writing up my report, fixing the back door and checking out the house I found a large grand piano in one of the front rooms. There's always been something calming about playing the piano – this was the only pleasure I was aloud as a growing war child. When playing I can almost slip away and ignore what terrible things that are happening in this world.

Approaching it slowly I let my hands run over the dusty top. Underneath the colour is a rich deep mahogany mixed with a tinge of gold. A loud bang from upstairs quickly draws my attention away.

Racing up the stairs I find Maxwell on the floor crawling towards the door. His large eyes are wide open and in a state of panic. I notice he'd already opened some of the wounds I'd stitched up by his erratic movements.

"Maxwell you're safe." I speak the simple words which I knew would mean the world to him while trying to keep my voice as flat as possible to hide my worry and concern. If I'd just rush up to him in his current state he'd probably had a heart attack or I would have probably wound up dead.

His eyes snap up at my voice and the panic instantly washes from his face. The next thing I know he's passed out yet again, his body collapsing like a sack of potatoes onto the carpeted floor. I roll my eyes and make my way towards him. Scooping him up into my arms I lie him back on the bed and cover him up.

I sit for a long time watching him, I see the sky turn dark outside before I hear an owl hooting in the distance. About an hour after his panic his breathing had turned deep indicating that probably for the first time since he'd been captured he was in a deep sleep. Finally his brain has noted that he's safe, finally I can relax.

It was another 2 days before he woke again, I'd made it my duty to stay next to him until he did. There was just enough space next to his sprawled body on the double bed for me to fit on. It was 3pm when his eyes fluttered open. He gasped as he woke, probably from a nightmare since he was tossing a lot before.

"Duo?" I murmur from my place next to him. I watch silently as his amethyst eyes flicker towards me. My heart is thumping in my chest as he stares, his expressions flowing from confusion to concern and then to relief. He opens his mouth intending to speak but all that comes out is a groan. Suddenly realising what he needs I grab my glass of water off the bedside table. Carefully tipping his head into a better position I feed him the water slowly - his eyes never leaving my face, but never quiet meeting my gaze.

He drained the whole glass in no time. Laying his head carefully back down I get up to fill the glass once more only to have his croaky voice call after me, "Thank you."

I stop in my place and turn to him trying to resist from smiling. Those two little words mean the world to me and this voice sounds like heaven. All my worries about his survival suddenly flew from my body. He's going to be OK. I give him a curt nod before heading for the bathroom. He was asleep again when I returned.

After staying with him for another hour I finally left him to it as I went on a search for some food. I've been living on hydrated meals since we got here. However, once Maxwell is better to look after himself I will be able to go to town.

Grabbing two meals from my backpack I make my food first and eat it before I make Maxwell's. Returning to the bedroom I set his plate on the bedside table before trying to think of a way to wake him up. From previous experience's this is a hard task to do, you either don't get a response or you have a knife to your throat. Since I know he hasn't got any weapons on him at the moment and he can't really move, I can't see why this can't go horribly wrong.

Silently I sit next to him admiring his beautiful face before resting my hand on his shoulder. His eyes snap open at my first touch but his face is relaxed.

"You need to eat." I state much like a command more than a simple suggestion.

"What you got?" He croaks out and I feel my stomach flutter at his voice.

"It's just chicken and rice." I tell him, "Do you need help sitting up?" He flushes as he nods his head, anger clearly showing on his face from his incapability. I carefully sit him up before reaching for the steaming plate. Perhaps I should have waited until it had cooled down a bit, I don't really want to add a burnt mouth to the list of injuries he's got.

His eyes light up as he spies the food and I nearly smile. I cut up the chicken into smaller pieces downstairs so I didn't have to do it in front of him. Even though we both know he wouldn't be able to swallow a whole piece of chicken in his condition it's just the fact that he would be so ashamed if I did it in front of him. I had to resist from blowing on the food to cool it as I move the spoon towards his eager mouth. He gobbles it down hungrily and lets out a mewing sigh.

"I've never known someone to like this crap." I murmur lightly, slightly amused. A grin come to his face as I fill the spoon again, he almost made my heart stop. Why has Maxwell got so much control over me?

"Food's food Heero," he grumbles before gobbling down the next spoon. I had to smile at that - Duo just loves food, even if it does taste like shit. 5 minutes later the whole plate of food has gone. I am impressed, Duo Maxwell never ceases to amaze me.

"So," he begins as I return the plate to the bedside table. "Where the hell are we?"

"The Sanc." I inform, "You're an idiot."

"Yeah, yeah don't I know." He growls, showing his annoyance at his big mistake. Well at least he could admit he'd made mistakes unlike WuFei. "So save me all the crap on how I should have planned it out better, I know I did wrong and I know I must look like the biggest ass in the world at the moment."

"You can say that again." I murmur still slightly angered at his stupidity.

"How long have I been out for?"

"Just over a week."

"Damn!" His amethyst eyes widen as he takes a look around the old dusty room. "This is kinda nice room for a safehouse."

"The house was abandoned when the Peacecraft family where "murdered"" I reply, of course not all members were killed, we both know that. "They left all their stuff behind probably never to return."

"Well shit," he murmurs taking in all the possessions left on the dressing table from a box of jewellery to a line of expensive brushes. His eyes quickly glance down to his hair and then back to the brushes. I think I know what he's thinking.

"When you're feeling a bit better." I state getting up from the bed with the empty plate in my hand. "You were in a bad state when I rescued you, so don't make any plans about getting out of bed to soon."

"What's my condition?"

"4 broken ribs, 5 broken toes, 3 broken fingers, you may have some hairline fractures in your legs however I couldn't feel any major brakes. Severe bruising all over your body and face, and you may have some bruising you your scalp but of course I couldn't tell."

"Well that's a bit shit." I roll my eyes at his comment before I frown as I think back to the day I rescued him.

"I killed them all Duo." I murmur feeling my free hand ball into a fist.

"Good." Was the only reply I got. Turning, I go to leave the room however stopping at the door I warn him not to get out of bed before giving him an evil glare. That usually stops him from doing anything naughty.

It's 5 days later before I let him take his first steps. He wobbled a bit before stabling himself and flashing me a satisfying grin. The swelling on his face has died down a lot, now all that's left is some yellowish bruising.

"The God of Death is up and..." he stops suddenly his nose wrinkling as he sniffs himself, "ready to have a shower ew."

"Second door to the left." I tell him as I watch him exit the room and wonder down the corridor. Scouting through the wardrobes I find a pair of men's jeans (that would probably be slightly too big for him) and a black t-shirt and chuck them on the bed. I left my towels and toiletries in the bathroom for him to use.

2 days before I finally had the courage to leave him on his own and travel to the town on an old bicycle left in the garage. I brought some rich in blood meat and lots of carbs. Maxwell needs to get strong again and the Doctors have only given us 2 more weeks for him to recover (They think we're superhuman). The other pilots are struggling to fight without us in the battlefield I was told. I haven't heard from the others, so the fact is probably true.

Making some jacket potato's and frying some steak, I hear Maxwell enter the room just as I serve up. He's salivating just at the sight of the extra large steaks I brought with the stolen OZ funds in my bank. Bet they would kick themselves knowing they were helping feed the Gundam Pilots. Maxwell woofed his down within 5 minutes before sitting back in his seat and rubbing his swollen stomach.

"Man, Ro you really know how to cook a steak!" He exclaims in bliss and I feel the corners of my mouth raise slightly.

"Thank you."

"Don't suppose there's any desert?"

"Keep dreaming Maxwell."

"Well damn." He grins his mouth slightly crooked from where his lip had been busted. I slowly finish my meal as he chats on about this, that and the other, however he reaches for my plate as I go to wash up.

"Please let me wash up it's the least I can do." I frown slightly but nod my head. He would feel bad if I said no, and I don't want him to feel any more pain until we leave this place.

It's 10 o clock by the time Maxwell has explored the house, gone through every draw and opened every cupboard. He even found a few board games that may come in handy in the next couple of days.

We both head upstairs afterwards me skipping his room were I stayed in the first week and few days to go to my bedroom at the end of the hall. However his hand reaches out for my wrist as I wonder past.

"Please." His voice is pleading while his face...I've never been able to resist the look on face, his eyes.

I know instantly what he wants but I don't think he's up to doing anything physical and I don't think I'm mentally ready for it after nearly loosing him. Nearly loosing Maxwell was nearly like loosing myself. All I want to do is make sure he was OK and on the mend.

I find I can't speak let alone relax as he leads me into his room and pushes me down onto his bed. Crawling on top of me I hear him wince while the look on his face shows he's in a little pain. All of a sudden the atmosphere changes just like it always does. I feel my insides twinge. Leaning towards me, he moves his head to the side so his lips are next to my ear.

"Make me forget." The words sting me into place. I bite my lip as he kisses my earlobe and travels down to my jaw line. I can feel my anger bubbling inside, I can't take advantage of him like this. I don't want to do this any more.

"I..." I find my voice, "Duo I can't." Quickly but carefully I push him off me and stand. Trying to calm my breaths I watch the angered look that comes to his face. This is the first time I've turned him down since we'd began fucking each other. That was all it was, fucking, and that was all it was ever going to be – well for him maybe.

"What is it huh?" He almost yells, "Is it my face, my body? Are you so disgusted at me you can't even fuck me?!"

"Duo..." I sigh, how the am I supposed to get out of this one? I can't tell him how I feel because I don't really understand it myself. Suddenly his whole facial expression changes and is replaced with one I know quite well. It's the face he used at the start when he tried to persuade me to fuck him.

"Heero." He raises from the bed and I watch in sort of horror as he advances towards me. "Please."

"No." I step back but he caught my wrist as I did pulling me towards him, and as always I give in.

"Please I need you." He murmurs, his eyes looking past me and over my shoulder. It just makes me want to scream at him to tell him to stop, but I can't, I've never been able to. "I need you to make me forget. I keep seeing them, I keep remembering the things they did to make me talk..."

My hands turn into fists as he wraps his arms around my waist.

"I can't do this Duo." I say more firmly this time pulling gently away from his touch, he still has his vice grip on my wrist. "Not here, not when you're in this condition."

"You son of a bitch you don't care..." I feel my insides snap into two. How does he know how I feel? I ripped my arm away from his grasp, his eyes widen in shock as I do so.

My teeth are gritted together so hard they feel like they're going to snap. How dare he? But then again why shouldn't he be acting like this, I've fucked him so many times before without hesitation, why should I stop now when he needs it the most?

Why did you have to make this so fucking complicated Yuy?!

His eyes are on me now, indicating he's lost all thought of having sex with me. It's funny I'm probably the worst person in his preference. I feel like I want to be sick as I try and keep my composure – expressionless and motionless. Sometimes I don't understand how I control my emotions on the outside. I think he'd freak if he just heard one bit of what I am really thinking.

How can I feel so much for him when he doesn't feel an ounce of it back for me. How can I be so stupid? How am I feeling like this?

I turn on my heel before my emotions crack and get to out of hand. I gracefully leave the room as if nothings bothering me, move down the stairs and out of the house.

Before I've even left the patio I break out into a run breaking into the thick forest and into the blackness. He doesn't follow, not that I thought he would, not that he ever would. I am nothing to him, like he should be nothing to me. We are just two solders trying to get through this war while just relieving a little bit of the stress by using each other. He's not even my type! Not that I have a type or that it is just limited to boys either. Now we're stuck here for 2 weeks, I'm ordered to look after him and he's ordered to stay here. There's no going against the doctors words, we are in every way screwed.

Slowing down I lapse against a tree trying to calm my heaving breaths. I hate being here, I hate not being able to help the others, I hate having to look after the one person I can call my best friend in the condition he's in and I hate feeling so alone and not in control.

Taking in a deep breath I smell the fresh forest pine, something I've hardly taken notice of before. The forest is so still it almost feels a bit ere, I can hear small animals moving through the bushes nearby. It's weird, how at this very moment it feels like nothing stressful or horrible is happening in the world. The forest seems to peaceful to note that there's a raging war going on about 4 miles away.

Sliding down the length of the tree I crouch at the bottom and drop my head between my knees. J would call me stupid if he found out how much I like Maxwell. He would in some way condition my behaviour away from him saying I'm risking the outcome of the war. I am stupid for feeling what I do for him, I don't even want to feel anything for him. It frustrates me that J never taught me how to control this sort of feeling.

Teenage hormones, that's what it is. Maybe one day I will grow out of it – hopefully that would be soon.

It's a few hours later before I finally return to the house, all the lights are on but there is no distinct movement or sound.

Moving through the house I enter the room with the piano and shut the doors firmly behind me. Duo's room is the furthest away from this room so it shouldn't be too loud for him as I play. Settling down on the piano stool I close my eyes letting my hands wonder over the keys pressing a few to hear them twinkle in response. I take a deep calming breath as I let my hands wonder. J always used to make me play for him, I guess it was his way of trying to keep me in some way human. This is the first time I've ever got to play since the war started, I almost feel a bit rusty. I start up with a classic J loved Debussy – Claire de Lune.

A sudden creak by the door has me snap my eyes open in a second. My hands abruptly stop. Glancing up I find Maxwell at the door. I feel my insides cramp as I realise his eyes are soft and for the first time he is staring back at me. His eyes seem endless like I imagined. Within our locked gaze I notice his head is cocked slightly to the side with a slight crease in his forehead.

"Don't stop." I hear him murmur, his voice hoarse, it almost sounds as if he's been crying. His amethyst eyes are still trained on my face. I want to stop just because he doesn't want me to, because I'm still fucked off with the way he is with me. However I find my hands wondering across the keys again, because this the way it is. This is the control Maxwell has over me.

I watch as he shuffles over to me, nudging me over a little he sits down next to me on the piano stool. I can feel his heated gaze on my face as I try to concentrate on every note. While I can hear his harsh intakes of air and can smell the antiseptics I used to clean his wounds mixed with his distinctive sent.

Glancing quickly in his direction I find he has a crooked smile on his lips as he watches me play.

Keeping my attention on the piano and listening to the beautiful melody, I wasn't ready for Maxwell's touch. He leans against me with his face still turned towards me. We stay silent as I continue to play, the whole time my heart was thumping in my chest wanting to burst out. How does he do this to me? More importantly, how do I stop it before it gets too out of hand?

"I wanted to die after the first week." I hear him murmur making my hands falter for a second, missing one note. "Their methods of getting people to talk aren't very nice..." His eye's turn hard as he drops his head. "They kept going over everything I'd done..." he whispers, "All the children I'd killed...all the families I'd broken."

My hands stop and instantly ball into fists, "They read me the name of every child I'd killed." His hands grip onto the fabric of the jeans I'd given him the other day so tight his knuckles are turning white. "Then they'd beat me until I'd fall unconscious – not that I'd feel any of it. It scared me to death that I couldn't. I felt to numb, too guilty."

"I'm a bad person Heero, I've killed so many people – I didn't sign up for this, I wanted to save the world, save the innocents lives not kill them." I stay silent listening to his harsh breathing and noticing the small specks of tear drops on his jeans. Had I pushed him to this? Is this what would happen if I didn't have sex with him? No that's absurd!

"Yet, I wouldn't let anyone take my place and feel the pain I feel now – I was already going to hell when I first sat in Deathscythe."

Raising his head he stares into my eyes, it makes me stop breathing. I feel my fists tighten as I notice the fresh gleam of tears corning in his beautiful eyes. "I'm sorry."

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. My head is completely blank, all the anger, the hate, the annoyance I'd just spent the last few hours going over and over in my head just disappeared.

"Can you please..." He murmurs his eyes shifting from left to right as if he was trying to find the words he wants to speak, "just sleep with me tonight?"

I was silent for a moment. He wanted me to sleep with him? No sex.

"Just sleep." I state.

"Just sleep." He confirms nodding his head. We both silently raise from our seats and wonder up stairs. He made himself comfortable against my side his head resting on my bare chest. We both kept our trousers on. As we lay, both of us still awake, it made me wonder over all the good things we were doing as I tried to ignore my own demons.

"The first innocent I ever killed was a little girl." I suddenly find myself saying without consent. I feel Duo's body stiffen next to me. "What made it worse is that I met her before I killed her."

"She was such an innocent, sweet little girl. She'd been walking her new puppy..." I swallow as I try to get my words out. "We met on a field just beside the military base. She asked me if I was lost, she was concerned about me. That night when I blew up the base..." My chest contracts as my memories began to flood back as perfect as ever. The military base on fire, the mobile suit falling into her apartment building. Her puppy on the floor - dead. "Something went wrong, I'd placed a bomb in the wrong place. Her building got knocked down by a falling suit." My eyes snap closed as I remember everything especially her blue eyes. She was the perfect image of everything I fought for – the peace of innocent people, for families and I killed her.

I feel a soft touch on my face and my eyes instantly snap open to see Duo hovering over me. His shimmering eyes full of concern. My skin tingles as he runs his fingers carefully down my face.

"I'm sorry Heero."

"Don't pity me." I murmur checking none of my scary emotions had crossed my features.

"What were you before you became a Gundam Pilot?" Maxwell asks suddenly with a curious look on his face. I know him asking this question is a way of him drawing me out of the dark pit I'd just pulled myself into.

"You don't want to know." I murmur too ashamed to admit I was a killer at aged 8 under the rule of an crazed assassin named Odin Lowe.

"I've been on the streets for most of my life." He continues for the first time not pressing me on something that I didn't want to talk about. "Lived with my gang and best friend Solo. I had the most fun of my life with them."

Shifting away from me he lay on his side his hands resting under his head as he thought back. A small smile comes to his lips.

"That's how I became so good at stealing things, old habits die hard." He chuckles, "We used to steal from this one shop just for the reaction. The shop keeper used to run after us all the time." He has tears in his eyes now as he recalls, "He'd never get us though, the guy was about 20 stone. He'd run for a little while before giving up. We used to call him the 'Jelly Man' you know because he wobbled so much!"

"Duo you're obscene." I smile slightly turning onto my side to stare at him. I see him falter for a second as he notices my smile. I thank God the room is dark so that he can't see my blush. I see his crooked grin get even bigger. I let him continue telling me the great adventures of his childhood and for the first time it feels like I am lying here with my best friend. Duo is after all someone I'd call my best friend, but this time it feels different, like we'd known each other for years. Is it possible to have someone who is your 'lover' and your best friend? He told me about Solo, Skip and Danni and then about Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. I don't know who went first, but I woke with a start to find the room light and the sun in the middle of the sky. We'd both slept till mid day. Something I NEVER do. Duo's still fast asleep sprawled across the top of me.

The next 2 weeks drift by so fast. Too fast for my liking. We'd played board games, football, gone exploring in the forest and played numerous games of hide and seek (Duo for some reason liked to play that game. I think it was because it was the only game he could beat me at). I slept in Duo's room every night not that I could complain, but it didn't help my situation over what I felt about him at all. However when the last night came, he remained silent. All I heard since that night was Duo's crazy stories. I felt bad for not telling him about me.

The silence is thick in the dusty bedroom and maybe I am stupid for thinking that maybe Duo doesn't want to leave this house as much as I don't. Maybe he's just run out of stories. Anyway the world needs us now. The other's need us, we'd already spent way to much time here.

"I don't remember my childhood before I met Odin." I murmur into the darkness trying to fill the tense gap. I feel Duo's head shift upwards to look up at me. "Odin was my...let's say tutor and I was his trainee assassin."

"He taught me nearly everything I know today, how to boost cars, fire the perfect shot, wire explosives, fight every kind of combat. He made me into what I am today through constant wear and tear."

"I'm not like every normal human, I'm stupidly strong, I think too rational and don't consider other people, I..." I stop before I travel down that depressing line.

"Odin died on a particular hard mission and that's when I met J. He was just as clever as Odin however he did let me have a little time to myself. He taught me how to play the piano and how to dance." I didn't add the additional reason – just to keep me human.

"I never had a childhood." The room lapses into silence. I feel my heart begin to speed up, have I said too much? Does he think I'm a freak?

"When the war's over we can." I never missed the word we. Did he mean us together? The idea died before it got chance to develop.

"I never planned to survive." I whisper, the words stinging me. Suddenly Duo's warm presence is gone. He's shifted back and is glaring at me with the uttermost horrified expression on his face.

"Don't you dare say that again!" He almost yells.

"Duo I was made for this war, I don't exist outside it."

"Bullshit!" He's yelling now, anger clearly showing across his beautiful face. "You're your own person Heero, you are not a machine built to kill. Jesus Fucking Christ!"

"Duo, even if I do survive this war, which is highly unlikely, what am I going to do? I have no name, no purpose."

"You're Heero." He growls, "You have a purpose, and that is to live now and after the war."

"I don't know if I can do that." I didn't anticipate the blow as it crossed my cheeks. His punch was strong, but it wasn't his strongest. He's holding back. He's never done that before.

"Son of a bitch." He hisses, "Damn it Heero, I..." He cut off, lost for words, the anger still growing on his face.

"I'm Sorry." I murmur. "It's just that's all I've been told for my whole life." His face softens.

"You're an idiot." I smirk at his words.

"I learn from the best." He chuckles at mine the anger instantly washed from his face. He slowly retakes his place and leans his head back on my chest. The fight seems to have taken all his energy from him. 5 minutes later he's snoring softly. 5 hours later my first mission comes in. Leaving him sleeping I leave placing a goodbye note and enough money to rent a car from the local town on the bedside table. It feels more painful than self destruction as I finally shut the back door and head off north to where I'd left Wing. At least if I did die in this war I would die with some happy memories. Even if Duo never felt what I feel for him, his friendship would always be enough for me.

**TBC...**

**R&R**


	3. Chapter 3

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X(haven't decided yet)

**Warnings: **SEX! (lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic but I'm just wondering if I should continue or not. Some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others wont. I'm also looking for a Beta if anyone is up for it :) Please read and review I'd love to know what you think about it.

**Chapter 3**

**This Chapter takes place after EW.**

**And all of a sudden  
When you left  
I didn't know how to follow**

**It's like a shot  
That spun me around  
And now my heart left  
I feel so empty and hollow**

xXx

His skin is as soft as silk underneath my touch as I run my hands down his bare back to the base of his spine. I can feel his body shivering at my touch making me even more aroused and thus nearly completely forgetting where we are and why.

The war ended temporary one year ago (not that it gave us a rest, us pilots had a lot of issues and paper work to sort out) until 5 hours ago when Relena was captured. At the moment we're in the back of a small shuttle we'd stolen and on the way to colony X18999. With 6 hours to wait until we're even close enough to start the boarding procedures Duo kind of cornered me into the back end of the very small ship.

I can hear his moans as I take him, but this time it's slow - we have all the time in the world and I want to make it last. I plant my hands on the wall opposite me. The back of the shuttle is only big enough for two people to stand side by side. Duo always picks the wrong places for us to fuck. I can feel my breath getting quicker as I begin to speed up, that's when Duo's hands snap up and intertwine themselves with mine. His action stuns me for a second, he's always liked limited personal contact when we fuck. Normally it feels like I'm fucking an empty shell. Feeling his tight grip on my hands I realise what he is thinking – the war would hopefully be over soon. We don't really know what the outcome will be and if we will survive, but if we do - what will become of us?

xXx

He's gone.

He didn't even say goodbye.

Winner sighs happy as he rereads the note left in Relena's kitchen. He's left with her. Her being Hilde – gone to start over as he put it.

I feel like I can't breath. Winner and Barton look so happy – like they must know something I don't because I don't feel an inch of their happiness. I can feel my hands fisting into balls behind my back to hide my anger and repress the shooting pain rippling through my body.

"I always knew." Winner chuckles before shaking his head and depositing the note into his breast pocket. I see him turn to Barton with a twinkling look in his eyes. They've been fucking longer than Duo and myself. They tried to hide it but Quatre's openness just gave it away.

Feeling sick at the scene I turn to leave only to have Quatre tell me him and Barton are leaving tonight. Great, leaving me to Relena and her celebrations. WuFei had disappeared with Sally to sort out his new enrolment with the Preventers last night. I nod, my face blank, if I hadn't he probably would have thought I weren't listening.

I'm lucky enough to keep my composure until I reach my temporary bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I walk to the bed like a mechanical robot. Slowly and hesitantly I sit down on the edge. It's Boxing day, it's snowing and we have peace, but none of that seems important any more. Duo's gone, and now I don't know what to do – not that I knew what I was going to do in the first place, but now Duo's gone nothing feels right any more.

I feel so alone and out of place.

He didn't even say goodbye.

I can feel my heart pulsing in my chest as I flop to my side on the bed, my eyes staring emptily at the opposite wall.

As I lie there thinking about everything and nothing, I have a feeling that more time is passing than I realize. It's dark outside by the time there is a knock on my door. I don't get up to the first knock wishing whoever it is to go away.

"Heero?" It's Quatre. "Trowa and I are leaving now." I feel a fresh wave of new pain. My friends are leaving and I'm going to be all on my own. All alone at a dumbass politician party. Don't they realise they're pushing me into my worst nightmare alone, why won't they stay and help me? Don't they realise how much I'm dreading this?

Raising like a dead man from my place on the bed I mechanically move to the door again and open it slightly. The bright hallway light blinds me for a second.

"Heero are you OK?"

"I'm fine." I answer too quickly as I notice his worried face. Quatre's always bothered me how he likes to nose his way into people's business.

"Well..." He starts off a little hesitant before holding out his hand, "you'll have to come visit sometime Heero, we'll have a reunion soon. I'll get WuFei and Duo to come as well." His name sends a wave of torture through my body. I shake his hand before moving to Barton who eyes me for a second before shaking mine.

"Goodbye Yuy."

"Goodbye Barton." He nods his head in acknowledgement before the two turn and leave my life. If they'd turned around they would have seen my obvious pain spreading across my face as I realise I don't know if I'll actual see them again, while at the time feeling my frustration at not being able to express this to them.

By the time I've gotten ready for Relena's ball in the suit she'd personally brought me, the ballroom was full of smiling politicians.

2 Hours later I'm violently pushing open the patio door to Relena's office. Plunging outside I take a deep breath of fresh air while quickly taking in my surroundings. No one is in the garden, for the first time tonight I'm alone. Leaning against the wall of the large mansion I try to take in deep breaths of air to calm my nerves. Relena's plunged me into the deep end...to many people crowded into one ballroom. I'm not used to contact with many people which is why I started to panic, for the first time in my life I panicked and over some stupid politicians. They all seem to happy, the war only ended 2 days ago and I still can't get used to the feeling that it has.

I can feel my hands shaking violently as I slide down the wall to crouch in a ball at the bottom not caring if I'm about to get my brand new suit dirty. Bringing my knees to my chest I bend my head and rest my forehead on the tops of my knees. It's freeze outside but I can't feel it. I feel too numb to actually feel something real.

So this is peace? This is what I've been fighting for – a fresh start.

Inside I still feel my fear, my guilt, my pain. Maybe that's the difference between myself and the other's inside, they've never had to murder someone, they've never killed women even children, they've never broken up a family. I can still faintly hear the string orchestra playing a Christmas song from inside and it all seems to fake – all so wrong.

Suddenly, something inside me snaps. I feel so empty, so pathetic.

My fists ball in anger. All day I've been trying to think why Maxwell would leave and not say goodbye. What have I done to deserve this? What happened to us after the war? Maybe I miss read what he was saying. Maybe he's too ashamed of what we had to say goodbye. I don't think he realises what we had was everything to me. But I always knew we weren't supposed to have anything, apart from the fact that we were soldiers in the middle of the war, I never expected myself to actually survive. When Quatre first read the message for a second I almost followed him, but then I realised I wouldn't know what to do once I reached him. This thought angers me even more, proving how pathetic I really am.

Vigorously pulling down on the knot of my tie and undoing the top three buttons of my shirt I lean my head back to stare at the dark sky. This is the first chance I've had to actually admire the sky, the colonies almost destroy the angelic look of the twinkling stars. I wonder if Duo likes to gaze up at the sky.

The sudden loud bang of a firework going off makes me jump slightly. Taking in the beautiful colours of red, gold and sliver it silently reminds me of the war. With shuddering intakes I close my eyes. It angers me how weak I've become, how helpless I feel. I'm back to being just a boy again, and I feel so powerless. I don't know how to live like a normal person, I was hoping Maxwell was going to show me how. It's scary to think that now I'm just me, I have no real name, I have no real identity, to the world I officially do not exist. How is a person who only exists for war supposed to adjust to peace? I'd give anything to have a family – somewhere to go.

The fireworks continue as I sit on my own wondering what to do next when suddenly I notice someone approaching from within the mansion. Their shadow spilling across the patio as they get to the door.

"Heero." It's Relena and I mentally wince. "Heero what's wrong, what are you doing out here?"

Turning my head to see her I shrug my shoulders. She's looking at me in a weird sort of way, crossed between worry and a little bit of horror. I guess she doesn't like seeing me in this state.

"Let's get you back inside it's freezing." She says, vigorously rubbing her bare arms as she crouches by my side. Relena seems to think since I collapsed 2 days ago into her arms that she is now my protector – it's strange how things work out. "I'll take you to your room to rest, you'll feel fine tomorrow."

"I can't." I find the words slip past my lips before I realise it and what's worse my voice is so horse it sounds like I've been crying.

A frown comes to her face and something flashes in her eyes, "Why? Heero what's wrong? You're scaring me."

"I need to get away." I say, panic clearly showing in my voice and for some reason I can't control it. It's as if now the wars over I can't pretend everything alright any more. Quickly rising to my feet I turn to her. Her eyes are glazed over and she has a slight look of fear in her eyes.

"Relena, you're a strong person – you know how to move on." I begin unsure what I am about to say, "I just need to sort myself out, I can't just forget the war ever happened, I need time." The fear eases in her eyes and I think that she kind of understands what I'm saying. She nods her head and sniffs.

"Keep in touch Heero," she holds out her hand and I take it. "You are always welcome here."

"Thank you Relena." She smiles before turning to make her way back inside. Stopping by the door with one hand rested on the door frame she says, "I hope you find what you're looking for Heero, you of all the pilots deserve to have a life."

I open my mouth to speak not really knowing what I'm about to say but she leaves before I have the chance to reply. Relena Peacecraft has always amazed me with her will and strength. She is the perfect person to lead the world and colonies into total pacifism. That is the reason I helped keep her alive. The other's used to tease me about her, even Maxwell. It hurt when he talked about us as if we were in love. We are anything but that, I have nothing but respect for Relena for what she has done and what she is about to become – someone our age shouldn't be thrown into politics this early and the fact that she is more than willing to try amazes me. Maybe one day I'll be as strong as her.

Turning to enter the mansion, I go to pack my things before leaving. With nowhere to go and nothing to do, I feel even more empty than before. Maybe time will be good to me, maybe in time I will get used to being alone in peace.

**TBC...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (haven't decided yet)

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't.

**Chapter 4**

**And I'll never give myself to another  
The way I gave it to you**

**Don't even recognize  
The ways you hit me  
Do you?**

**It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back  
And you're the one to blame**

**1 Year and 2 months Later**

I wake with a terrible pain rippling through my chest and stomach, I scream in agony grabbing onto the sheets of my bed. I feel my throat close on me as I try and gasp for air. It's just like the night before and the night before that. It seems almost like a ritual that I am having such terrible night terrors over what I did during the war. Over whom I killed and whose lives I've ruined. I still can't accept what I did for almost 2 years of my life. I'm reminded with the destruction every day; I see it on the faces of people I see, the pain of loss, and the guilt.

However, tonight nightmare is about him.

My mind keeps replaying every minute we ever spent together, every moment when my defences were weakened into letting him in. My mind keeps torturing me over my mistakes and it won't stop. It feels like I've been shot in the stomach with no one around to help me and no medical kit to help me pull out the bullet and stitch myself up. The wound just keeps bleeding and bleeding – and I worry over the day that it stops and that my body gives in. The pain is excruciating and makes me double over and crawl into a protected ball in the middle of the bed.

I'm mad because it's been over a year since I last saw him and I'm still in this mess. I find I can't move on because I don't know how to. I disgust myself through constantly getting drunk at a local bar in a town I finally decided to settle down in. I've actually gained a job there due to my almost permanent residence at their counter downing drink after drink without thought to what it's doing to my body. I just want to forget.

I grit my teeth and hug my knees in tightly to my chest as I burry my head into my pillows.

I hear the little girl's voice in my head, sweet and malodorous – "are you lost?"

"I've been lost since the day I was born" – my own voice, flat, dead.

I think the owner of the bar only took me on to help save me from myself. She's a caring woman, with a daughter my age but I find I can't attach myself to anyone or let anyone past my defences anymore.

I lie in my ball of weakness until light begins to stream through the partially open curtains casting a hazy orange glow across my bed in the small apartment I rent. My eyes feel like I've rubbed salt in them over and over and my body just wants to sleep, but my mind doesn't give up.

By 10 am I finally get out of bed the crippling pain in my stomach now a dull ache. I head for the shower and stand in there for another half an hour staring at the white tiled walls until the water runs so cold it stings my warm body.

I dress in a pair of slacks and a tank top and make my way towards the kitchen however there is a light tap on the front door making my head snap instantly in its direction and my eyes narrow.

Nobody ever comes to visit me.

I pad out into the hallway and towards the front door. I almost shake as I open it.

On the other side is Relena Peacecraft.

Her slightly pale face instantly smiles as she lets out a puff of air.

"Heero," she says just the same as she used to do. "I've been searching for you for months."

"Relena."

"I'm sorry to intrude, I was – worried." She admits looking a little sheepish. "After I found nobody had heard from you well – I got a little concerned. I'm sorry it had to come to this – Quatre made me think the worst had happened – Heero?"

I shake myself out of my daze as I take in that she is actually here.

"Heero you look awful." She states concerned, "What the hell have you been doing?"

"Nothing." I state – well it's the truth I have in fact been doing nothing. She gives me a small smile before glancing past me and into the flat. I haven't really done anything to it; it's exactly the same as it was when I arrived here.

"Can I come in?" I feel a flash of panic as she asks – the place is a mess. I've never had the energy or time to clean as I try to keep myself as busy as possible by doing as many shifts I can down at the bar or getting drunk. Completely opposite to how I performed during the war – another weakness to add to the never ending list.

"Fine," I murmur and shift to the side. She strolls past her blue eyes taking in every single detail from the terracotta settee to the cream ceiling lampshades. I remain silent waiting for the rant which is about to come.

She gasps as she enters my kitchen and instantly gets into action. She doesn't say anything.

I follow her only to find her grabbing all my dirty plates and cups and placing them in the sink. I stay silent as I watch her begin to clean, she stops however as she gets to a saucer which I've been using recently as an ash tray. Yeah I smoke; it seems to drag all the anxiety out of my body.

She picks it up as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened and continues to wash up and then wipe down all the sides. However it's when she finishes and looks in my fridge she snaps.

"Ok what the hell are you doing?" She asks spinning around to face me. She almost looks comical wearing her channel dress with big yellow rubber washing up gloves.

I just glare at her.

"Heero, this place is a mess, you haven't got any food, you smoke and drink ALOT by the looks of it," she says pointing to the number of empty whisky bottles lining my window ledge. For some reason I thought they looked like nice ornaments – though I was drunk at the time.

I remain silent. She sighs and takes a seat at the now clean kitchen table.

"It kills me to see you like this." She whispers, "It kills me Heero."

"I'm fine." I reply taking a seat next to her. She turns to me and I can't look her in the eye. I know she's right; all I've been doing is trying to ignore what is actually happening to me. I like to keep all the scary thoughts locked away in the back of my mind and bury them deep.

"So have you just been hanging around here all year?" She asks with a sigh.

"I've got a job working in a bar in town," I reply while staring at the kitchen table top.

"That's great Heero." She smiles, "I'm happy for you."

"Hn."

We sit in silence for a second before she pulls her cream D&G bag towards her. I watch as she pulls out a pure white envelope which looks like it has been pressed with an iron. I notice my name written neatly on the front in swirly black handwriting. She holds it in her hands for a second before smiling and passing it towards me.

I eye the immaculate envelope wondering what the hell is inside before taking it from her grasp. I carefully open it as if scared to ruin its perfect state and pull out an equally elegant piece of paper from within.

Unfolding it I read:

_Dear Heero, _

_Trowa and I have decided to get married and would love for you to come to the ceremony. It would make it exceptionally more special to have one of our true friends there on one of the most important days of our lives. We hope everything has been going well since we last saw you and that Relena has found you on time for you to attend – you're a very hard person to find!_

_We hope to see you soon,_

_Quatre_

I take a long deep breath as I let Quatre's words sink in. He and Trowa are getting married. I feel my insides twinge as I don't really know what to feel – happy or jealous at the fact that their relationship isn't just one sided.

"So?" I hear Relena ask her sky blue eyes looking at me expectedly. She has her pale manicured hands laced and placed on my clean table top.

"I – " I begin but then stop. There's no way I can decline my invitation after all they were my war comrades – and then my heart stops – and I will be able to get to see Duo again. "When is it?"

She chuckles before she answers, "Well Heero, since you're such a hard guy to find you've given us roughly 30 hours to get to L3 on time." My eyes widen at her statement.

"I guess that means you want to leave now?" I say more than ask; I'm already getting out of my seat.

"Of course," however I stop at my kitchen door as I realise I do not own anything which I could wear to a wedding. "I've already got that covered." I frown and turn to Relena.

"I brought a tux last week and other necessities; I remembered your size and figured you probably wouldn't have one," she says as she gets out of her seat. "All you need to bring is yourself."

"Relena –" I begin suddenly feeling useless, I'm an ex-Gundam Pilot, I can take care of myself -

"Heero don't - just get in the car come on we're already running late," she says yanking me towards the front door. I watch as she places on her sunglasses, most probably designer, and call me to follow her. Since I haven't really got anything to bring with me I give in and grab my keys before shutting the door.

It's not until I reach the black SUV that I realise that Relena has travelled here alone.

"You drive now?" I say as I open the passenger side door a little sceptical over what to expect.

"Yeah, I didn't really want Pagan driving me everywhere," she says sweetly as she starts up the monster of a car for such a small girl. "Things change I guess, well I've changed."

"Hai," I sit in silence as she backs the car out of the parking lot next to the large apartment building. I feel my anxiety begin to build. I feel sick to my stomach as we drive away from the apartment I've been hiding in for the last year. Once again my feelings are ruling over my common sense, going to see Duo while he's happy with Hilde probably isn't the best thing I should be doing at the moment – but to everyone else I don't have an excuse not to go.

Relena begins to chat about what she's been doing recently. I have half my attention on her and the other on the road watching the road markings travel swift past in one continuous blur. I must have dozed off because the next thing I know the sound and feel of the SUV coming to a halt wakes me.

"You awake?" I hear Relena speak, I blink a couple of times letting my eyes adjust to the light streaming through the car window. Then I notice we're in a shuttle port.

"Yeah," I murmur groggily.

"You must have needed it," she says with a concerned look on her face. "Come, let's get on the shuttle." She pops her door open and jumps out. I slowly pull myself out of my seat and out of the car to find her pulling a number of bags out the boot. She calls me over and hands me a rather large one.

"Inside you should find toiletries, clothes for your stay and some other stuff," she says as she pulls another large box out, "and in here is your tux."

I take the box off her as I feel my chest tighten. Why is she doing all of this for me?

"Relena?" I prompt, feeling a frown coming to my face, "I –". Then I decide I don't want to know. "Thanks."

"No problem Heero, I owe you – it's the least I can do after the amount of times you saved my life during the war," she says as she picks up another 3 bags for herself. Turning to me she smiles, "We'd best get going."

As we walk to Relena's personal shuttle we both notice a well dressed man exiting his own. His brown hair is slick back from his slightly tanned face. His brown eyes narrow slightly as he spies Relena.

"Skipping out on today's parliament meeting Relena?" He says mockingly as he approaches pulling a small black suitcase after him. I glance at Relena to my left and her blue eyes glare at him. Obviously they don't like each other.

"My second will be sitting in for me today as notified months ago," she states.

"Running away from responsibility as always been the _Peacecraft_ style." It's now my turn to glare at the man who refuses to look in my direction. "But it's probably for the best, let the people who know what they're doing run the show."

"Please Mr Kershaw don't over excaudate you're skills as Colony Prime Minster," Relena's voice is low.

"Relena, the day you and your puppets agree to throw Landon Grey and Alistair Flint out of parliament and into jail where they belong will be the day I will take you seriously," the older man says before walking away without a backwards glance.

Relena's eyes are on his back until he disappears into a large black limo waiting for him at the other side of the port.

"Bastard," I hear her mutter under her breath before marching towards the shuttle completely forgetting I'm at her side.

"Someone not liking your presence in parliament?" I ask quietly.

Relena huffs out a huge breath of air as we reach the shuttle. She climbs the steps quite quickly.

"You know I've reduced crime rates all over the globe, helped promote peace to everyone – but still some people do not think that is enough." She passes her bags to a butler once in the ship and I am forced to do the same. I frown as I follow her noticing how her body has become stiff.

She sits down in her take off seat and buckles herself up.

"Who are Landon Grey and Alistair Flint?"

"You caught that huh?" She sighs before rolling her eyes, "you never miss a thing do you."

I shrug my shoulder as I take my own seat. She pulls out a bottle of water from her purse.

"Landon Grey and Alistair Flint are what people call Space Pirates – they hijack ships, promote pod racing – they've been hell for salvage companies since they spend half their time collecting up all the last shreds of mobile suits in space to sell," she explains before taking a large slip from her bottle. "However since they've never been caught by the space police doing the illegal things they've 'supposively' been doing they cannot technically be charged."

"How come they're in parliament?"

"They represent the people of space – when colony X18999 was going to be dropped on Earth people fled," she begins to explain. "As you probably know the colony is now declared as an off zone due to its instability – the colony was never built properly as it was only supposed to last a couple of years before it was dropped on Earth. Well these people were left without a home – and since colony X18999 by law technically does not exist anymore neither do they. Their passports do not allow them to enter any other colony or Earth. Due to complications and rumours of what they do this hasn't been rectified yet."

"How come you let Grey and Flint into the colonies and Earth?"

"The same reason why I am at work every day – to maintain peace. At least we can in this way keep them under control," she informs. "They're escorted to and from parliament by guards."

I nod my head in understandment as I feel the shuttle begin to move towards the run way.

"Is peace under threat?" I ask feeling my muscles cramp as I wait for her answer.

"Not unless we handle this situation carefully," she explains. "Men like Mr Kershaw don't give a damn about the 'Space pirates', for all they care they'd stay stuck in space for the rest of their lives. It's only down to myself and a few parliamentary allies who refuse to let Mr Kershaw get his way. I'm afraid if we did send them to jail what would happen."

"Peace cannot be maintained through fear." I state and she sighs and bows her head.

"That's our only option at the moment. Sometimes it's as difficult to maintain peace as it is to gain it."

We both fall silent as the shuttle takes off into space, me thinking about her last words. After everything we'd done there's still so much to do before the colonies and earth are stable.

To get to L3 it's going to take 24 hours. It's kind of relaxing sitting with Relena and getting to hear about what's been happening while I've been barricaded in my hole. Listening to her peace policies and finally catching up on all that I've missed I can almost block out the irrational part of my conscious.

I spend the rest of the time on the observation deck gazing out at the one place I used to feel at home. Space. The colonies look as beautiful as ever. The lights beaming out of the landing ports shine sprinkles of light into the vacuum before getting absorbed. My eyes spy in the distance a dark lifeless circle which resembles colony X18999 and remember the last time I was on there. My mind wonders briefly towards Relena's current predicament my eyes searching for any spaceship or thing which looks suspicious. However my attention is drawn to Earth which looks amazing as always. I spy L1 off to my right and I feel a stab of homesickness as I remember my time on there.

After eating dinner (as much as I could, I don't really have an appetite these days), Relena suggests the best thing I can do is try and get some sleep, and I guess she is right. I manage to get 6 hours before waking in a sweat. I manage to stifle my scream by turning into my pillow and wrapping my arms around my waist wishing for the shooting pain to disappear.

My body feels weak and drained as I pull myself up to sit on the side of the bed. I close my eyes and try and calm my breaths. There's a knock on my cabin door and Relena's voice calls through saying we have 2 hours till landing and that I should get ready since we're going straight to the ceremony.

I 'Hn' a reply just so she knows I'm awake and reach towards the bag and box she'd given me. Looking through the large bag first I find a toothbrush, underwear, two t-shirts, a pair of dark blue jeans, a dress shirt, aftershave, deodorant and body wash. I guess she's been planning this for a while.

Grabbing the box I open it to find a black Armani suit and cringe. It looks much too classy for my taste. I leave it spread on the bed and grab the body wash and toothbrush assuming her shuttle has the other necessities in the bathroom. Upon entering it I find two large white towels laid out ready, toothpaste by the sink and a razor still in its packet next to it.

20 minutes later I'm freshly showered and shaved and I haven't felt this good in a very long time. However I can still see large black circles lining my eyes which are bloodshot from lack of sleep.

I rush back to my room and quickly get dressed. Once I am I take in a deep breath and look in the small mirror hung on the wall. Relena's shuttle is over done with the small things – we only just about had running water on the shuttles we used during the war.

I pack my things away in my bag before making my way to the cockpit to sit in my chair ready for landing. Relena follows shortly wearing a deep blue knee length dress with a large white flower covering her left shoulder. She has her hair pulled up into a bun and instantly, with her simple makeup, she looks much older than 17. Then again, we probably all have the mental age of a 30 year old.

She smiles as she notices me, "Heero – you look – amazing."

I almost snort at her comment.

"Thanks – so – so do you." Her smile gets even bigger as she takes her seat next to me.

"Thanks."

We land safely into the colony, and I have to take large breaths to calm my nerves. I can feel my hands shaking in my lap, and my stomach has twisted into a figure of eight. Once landed we have to rush off the shuttle and straight into a car waiting outside

My body tingles with anxiousness as we reach the church, and I realise I haven't had a cigarette for over a day. I clench and unclench my hands trying to think of anything but sparking up.

The car park is already full and there's just once space left which is reserved for us.

"I seem to have developed a habit of being late," Relena says looking slightly annoyed with herself as she grabs her bag from the back seat. We rush to the church. Everyone is seated inside and there's soft orchestral music playing in the background as people chat.

I instantly scan the room and find WuFei sat on the front row next to Sally, Noin and Zechs. Une is sat in the row behind with Mariemaia. My eyes glue onto her small fragile figure before I get elbowed in the ribs by Relena. I glare at her but she continues to walk on innocently.

The other guests I assume are Quatre's sisters and various other family members and Circus performers since a few people are dressed as clowns – weird. The church smells like sweet perfume coming from the numerous large wildflower displays. It looks amazing.

We both walk down the aisle and it seems almost ironic that at one stage the others used to tease me saying Relena and I would end up getting married one day. A number of people have turned to stare at us. They're probably zooming in on the enormous flower on Relena's shoulder.

WuFei's also noticed and has risen from his seat. His hair is longer than the last time I saw him but it's still tightly pulled from his face. His suit looks amazing, most likely fitted. His eyes land on Relena before turning to me. The thing that strikes me nearly to the spot is that he is smiling. I don't think I've ever seen him smile.

"Yuy." Ah something's never change. "I nearly thought Relena wouldn't be able to find you, where have you been hiding?"

"Around." I reply as he holds out his hand and I shake it.

"Never doubt my Heero finding skills." Relena laughs and WuFei chuckles lightly back. I frown at the strange scene and follow Relena to where I assume we're to be seated. Zechs stands and gives his sister a hug before turning to me and giving a curt nod. Noin says her hellos and so does Sally. I notice as we pass there are also two free spaces closest to the aisle. I sit on the opposite end thankful that I don't have to sit in the middle of the crowd.

Within a minute of taking our seats the wedding march begins and everyone stands. I can feel my palms getting sweaty so I try to rub them dry on my trousers. Is Duo not coming? Or is he already here and I not noticed him?

I turn to see Quatre standing at the end of the aisle with Trowa at his side. They're both dressed in amazing white suits but with different coloured shirts on. Trowa is wearing deep green while Quatre is wearing sky blue. They walk hand in hand down the aisle, Quatre with the largest smile I've ever seen on his face while Trowa has a twinkle of happiness in his eyes. However my attention is suddenly drawn to the two people walking behind.

My heart stops.

He looks more beautiful than the last day I saw him. Everything about him screams happiness and content – and it breaks me to see it. In the back of my mind I've been wishing he's been just as miserable as I am, but he's not and Hilde looks just as beautiful on his arm dressed in a silver white dress and looking very much like a woman. Suddenly it clicks; they look beautiful together because they belong together. They always have.

His amethyst eyes shimmer in the streaming light coming in through the stain glass windows as he follows them in a grey suit. I want to turn away to ignore the fact that he's there. I want my attention to be on Trowa and Quatre but it's not.

It's always been on him.

I pinch myself through my suit trousers and force my attention away from him, however as I do his eyes land on me and I'm frozen to the spot. The smile is still on his face however it doesn't reach his eyes anymore. He takes his seat with Hilde in the two empty seats at the end of the row. We all sit down and listen as the ceremony begins.

It's a nice ceremony, but I don't really know what to expect since I've never been to one before. Relena starts crying next to me and continues to snuffle throughout. Everyone claps as they kiss and walk back down the aisle. Duo and Hilde follow them. I'm guessing they're best man and maid of honour.

"Beautiful." Relena sighs as we stand to leave, "just beautiful."

WuFei turns to us and says he'll see us at the reception. Joining Relena once again in her car we drive to a very expensive looking hotel where with a surprise we are handed room keys at the door. Quatre's paid for us to stay the night. Excitedly Relena makes all the arrangements for our stuff to be taken to our rooms.

We're then led into a large dining hall with a dance floor where each table is marked with names of who is sitting where. The tables are covered in white lining and silver accessories. There're a number of silver and white balloons around the room and streamers. In the middle of each table there're a number of red and white wine bottles and a large lily flower display. Again it looks beautiful.

"I guess we're sitting with Sally and WuFei," Relena says as I notice Sally waving us over. I follow Relena to our seats and locate all the bottles of wine on the table ready to drown my sorrows. A couple of minutes later we are joined by Zechs and Noin, I tense as I feel Zechs eyes on me. I don't lift my head as everyone claps at the entrance of the happily married couple and their best man and maid of honour.

Chatter starts up as food is served and cameras keep flashing taking pictures of the happy couple. I instantly grab a bottle of red from the middle of the table. I see Relena eye me as I do. However it's WuFei who speaks up.

"Never knew you drank Yuy," he says as he accepts his starter.

"Things change I guess," I pour myself a large glass and Relena a small as my starter is placed in front of me. I take a large first sip of the dry wine and I instantly feel better.

"So, what have you been doing with yourself Heero?" Noin asks from my left hand side.

"Lying low," I answer automatically, Noin nods her head.

"Myself and Zechs took a trip visiting each colony, we thought we'd help those who were most affected by the war before making our way to Mars to help with the terraforming." I instantly feel guilty as I think I should be doing something to help the people whose lives I destroyed. However I also feel pride for the two soldiers for their dedication for total pacifism.

"Is there much destruction?" I ask the dreaded question. Noin sighs and doesn't answer. Her guilt is clear on her face.

"At least we're doing all we can." I nod my head before taking another large gulp of my wine. The starter is king prawns on a bed of salad; it looks great and tastes even better. I guess I miss eating proper food rather than the junk I've been eating for the past year.

The main is sensational and the wine matches perfectly as I drink a whole bottle to myself. The others don't say anything but I know they're watching, especially WuFei and Relena.

As we finish our deserts the speeches start with Duo tapping his glass and standing from his place at the head table. I keep my eyes on the table top as I listen.

"Hey guys!" His voice sends a shiver through my body. "Before I undertake the customary duty of giving the guys an uncomfortable few minutes it is part of the official duty of the best man to thank Trowa and Quatre for allowing myself and Hilde to be their best man and maid of honour. I just wanted to say you guys look amazing." The room erupts with whistles and claps.

"So when you guys asked me to be your best man I kind of got a case of the jellies. What the hell do I talk about? I know that 90% of the stuff I know is not fit for public consumption" The audience laugh, "for example the time which involves T&Q trying to have their first romantic weekend away-"

"Duo!" I hear Quatre squeak and Duo laugh. WuFei also sniggers in his seat.

"So I thought I'd settle on the cutest moment I've ever seen and this would be when you two play your musical instruments together. Your timings always perfect and you both play like pros and you both look happy and content with each other. You see I've always seen these guys as the perfect couple, you enjoy the same things and have so much in common and you are never afraid to express your feelings. However, that's what I think about you guys, when I asked around I got that you're both: Charming, Handsome, Witty, Intelligent, Flash...erm...Trowa what have you written there? Good in bed?" The audience laugh and I look up to see Trowa shoot a glare towards Duo who sticks his tongue out in response.

"On serious note you two are the two most amazing people I have ever met and you both truly deserve to have a happy marriage – and I know you will. So everybody raise your glasses to the newlyweds and may you both have the happy ever after that everyone dreams for."

I raise my glass without looking up and take a large sip.

"Now let's party people!" I hear Duo shout and everyone cheers. A DJ starts up some music and people begin to leave their seats to take residence on the dance floor. Relena turns to me with a smile on her face.

"Heero you ok?" I nod in response before she holds out her hand. "You want to dance?" I take a quick glance over at the head table to see Quatre and Trowa busy talking to Duo and Hilde and decide that it's probably not the right time to head over there and say congratulations.

"Sure." I take her hand and we both make our way to the dance floor. As we dance the Waltz, just as we had done before, I'm glad that Relena has been able to keep my attention away from my hepatic feelings inside, and after a while I find I'm actually having a good time.

While we're dancing I get a tap on the shoulder and behind me are Trowa and Quatre. Quatre smiles and instantly leans forward to give me a hug. I stiffen a little bit, not being used to this sort of contact with him.

"Thank you Heero, I was so worried we wouldn't be able to find you." I feel a smile come to my lips at his comment as for the first time in a while I feel wanted.

"You're a hard person to find Yuy." Trowa adds

I turn my attention to him, "I'm glad I came and congratulations." They both smile, I don't think they can look happier. They have stars in their eyes.

"We've booked out all the best rooms, I'm sorry we can't have a proper catch up now, but hopefully tomorrow!" Quatre says as they're called over by another group of people.

"Sure."

"Can't wait," Relena calls after them before turning her attention back to me, "I can't wait to see the rooms, they're supposed to be the best." I nod my acknowledgement.

The rest of the evening goes smoothly. Duo and Hilde are constantly surrounded by a group of people and they never leave each other's side. Their table is the loudest. I think he'd taken into winding WuFei up as every once in a while I can hear him screech "MAXWELL!" over the loud DJ's music.

I manage to sink another bottle of red before my tiredness catches up on me and I have to excuse myself from the group to retire to my hotel suite. My heartaches from Duo not even acknowledging me – but I haven't exactly been very sociable towards with him either.

Upon entering my room I don't think I have seen anything so spectacular. The walls are painted a deep red and the carpet is a rich cream – it looks like a honeymoon suite and for a second I think I may have been given the wrong key.

The dim glow lit by the bedside lamps make me feel even more tired and I suddenly notice how heavy and stiff by body feels. I shake off my jacket and chuck it on a nearby chair before loosening my tie and pulling it over my head. I sit on the side of my very large bed and begin to take off my shirt. However as I do there is a knock at my door.

I almost don't get up and get it, wishing I can just hide here on my own and pretend I am anywhere but here. I can feel my tired lids trying to fall over my eyes as I walk, however they're wide open when I open the door, and my tiredness disappears as I am pushed into my room by a very much awake Duo.

My head spins as I try to take in what the hell is happening until all thoughts are thrown out the window as I feel his lips on mine as he practically jumps me. I can taste alcohol in his mouth mixed with the taste of him I've been craving the past year.

His hands are all over me, moving erratically as if I'm too hot to touch. My heart is pounding in my chest. He pulls away for air and his eyes are looking me up and down.

"You've lost weight." He huffs through his gasping breaths.

I pull him closer to me and moan "Don't talk just..." He cuts me off before I can finish, his tongue probing into my mouth and lashing against mine. I can feel his knee trying to nudge between my legs.

Suddenly, he pushes me onto the soft quilted bed. I watch as his silhouetted form begins to unbutton his shirt and I don't think I've been more turned on. He slides it off his slightly tanned shoulders and it ripples to the floor like pure silk as he begins to unbuckle his belt.

Sitting up I let my hands wonder around the back of his trousers and help him pull them down as well as his boxers, while planting feathery kisses across his toned stomach. I hear him moan low in his throat.

I slowly unbutton my trousers and pull them off along with my boxes. Then he's on me, working his way up planting feather kisses from my ankles all the way up to my neck which he sucks and bites causing me to roll into ecstasy.

I can feel myself losing control – the blocks I'd put up over the last year melting away like ice caps- but it feels right because it's him. It's always been because of him.

I moan his name quietly as I feel his hands all over me as if trying to memorise everything he touches. I have my own hands wondering along his back before running up and down the length of his braid, something I've missed doing.

His lips are hungrily on mine again with almost bruising force.

Running my hands up his waist and down his arms he interlinks our fingers. Taking the opportunity I roll us over so I'm on top and pin his arms above his head. I instantly attack his neck the one place I know is sensitive to him. His body quivers in response and he gasps loudly.

Reaching between us with one hand using the others to loosely keep his arms pinned above his head. His amethyst eyes half closed as he moans while I begin to slowly and gently jerk him off.

"Heero..." I hear him breathe, his voice sounding like an angel to me, "Oh god."

I hover my mouth over his teasingly. He desperately tries to reach up and kiss me but I hold him in place. He moans as his breath becomes quicker.

"Fuck me, Heero," he whispers beggingly so softly but I hear him.

He doesn't need to plead because that was my intension in the first place and I'm making it my mission to give him the best fuck he's ever had. I spend a while teasing him as I prepare him, just so I can hear him call my name and ask me just a couple more times to fuck him.

And I do.

From the way Duo cries out my name and moans for more – it's Mission Complete.

I bite my lip as I come feeling my eyes widen as the nearly forgotten sensation indulges my body. I can hear my sharp breathing and I can feel his on my neck.

I collapse on top of him exhausted, my body tingling all over and my head swimming. I can hear his harsh breathing and erratic heartbeat from where my ear is pressed against his chest. I can feel his finger tips feathering up and down my back.

"Hi," he whispers as I feel him weave his fingers through my hair. My heart won't stop its rapid beats as I lie as still as I can, scared as hell that if I move he will disappear.

"Ou," I murmur back (1). The room is silent as we calm ourselves. It's a while before any of us speak.

"I need to get back," Duo says gently lifting me. "Hilde will be wondering where I am" I feel my chest tighten as I pull myself out of him and he goes to wash. I sit stricken to the bed listening to his movements in the bathroom. The shower turns on, then off. I hear him towel dry himself before he moves swiftly back into the bedroom grabbing his clothes and quickly getting dressed.

"I guess I'll erm – cya."

"..." I hear the door close at his swift exit. My hands clench tightly onto the ruffled bed sheets as I feel the shot wound in my stomach rip open.

I get up from my seat and rush to the bathroom noticing the towel he'd just used placed roughly on top of the wash basket. I turn on the shower full blast and begin to scrub my body trying to get rid of any trace of what had just happened. I end up crouched on the shower floor, the sponge I'd been using held tightly in my left hand. I can feel the scorching hot water spray down onto my bowed head burning my scalp. I feel faint from the heat, but I feel cold on the inside.

When the water finally begins to cool I react and move. Grabbing a towel and drying myself off. I look like a wreck as I glance at myself in the bathroom mirror while vowing never to look in one again.

On autopilot I grab and put on the spare clothes Relena has bought me with intentions to get the hell out of here. What scares me the most is that I can't control myself; my body just moves on its own. I open the suite door and take off, however I don't get far as I bump into Relena.

Her blonde, shaped eyebrow rises as she looks me up and down.

"What are you running from Heero?" She asks softly. I keep my mouth shut refusing to answer. Her blue eyes boil with intensity. She then sighs, her head dropping.

"Take the shuttle; I'll call ahead of you so they know your coming." She says before raising her gaze to mine.

I frown deeply. Why would she do that? Why did she buy me all these things?

"Why?"

"I just want you to be happy." She says in all honesty and I can see in her eyes that that is what she wants. Relena has always been determined to get what she wants. I nod my head and I almost don't go stiff as she hugs me goodbye. 3 hours later I'm piloting her shuttle into space loving the feel of total control as I guide the ship further away from the colony. I feel almost free as I turn on autopilot and sit back in my bucket seat. I decided before I left that I wasn't returning to my apartment and the hole I'd buried myself in.

I let the shuttle float around facing towards Earth. I breathe, my eyes taking in the lining of gold light trickling around the edges, spilling across the surface like speckles of gold dust. In places the light surpassed the globe it shot outwards like spider webs into the blackness. I reach out in front of me as if I could touch the slowly rotating orb, noticing the twinkling lights of the cities below the surface of dark clouds.

The planet looks indescribably beautiful and fragile at the same time. Directly above I notice the Milky Way in the distance and it's hard to think that around each glittering point is another world just like ours, just as beautiful as this.

There are a few flashes of white light near the floating clouds like sparkles – a thunderstorm most probably.

I don't know how long I stayed there. Time seems pointless when you're in space. I watch as city lights turn on and off as they travel from night to day and back again. I notice places as the Earth rotates, the Grand Canyon, the Great Wall of China, I swear I saw the flashing lights of Vegas. It's weird to think that in some strange way I've now technically seen all the major landmarks of the world in just a few hours.

And even after everything that has happened, I wish he was here to see them with me. Because that is the effect Duo Maxwell has on me.

**TBC...**

(1) Ou means hey in Japanese...so I'm told lol!

Hey everyone sorry for the long delay. I just wondered how everyone would like to see this play out? Anyone got any suggestions? I've actually written a few chapters going in a few different directions but would love to hear from you! Loves x


	5. Chapter 5

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't.

**And now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking**

**I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more**

**I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking **

**I should've never let you into my door**

**Next time you wanna go on and leave **

**I should just let you go on and do it **

**It's not amusing like I believe**

**Chapter 5  
**

It's always worried me how I've never cared much for my life. I did for a while think that I wanted to live – not the dream of having a house with a white picket fence – just to live. I didn't want to die in space and get consumed by its nothingness. But that was long ago. Things change I guess, even if you don't want them to.

I can barely stay awake as I sit in the pilot's seat of Relena's shuttle. It's been 3 months since Trowa and Quatre's wedding. I ran out of food nearly three weeks ago. I didn't really have a plan when I left L3. I kind of flipped as I realised how much I craved him, his touch, his kiss... In retaliation I guided the shuttle further away from the colony thinking the further away I was from him the better I'd feel. But that didn't work one bit.

Since leaving I've been full of regret. I hate myself for letting him in, for being so weak. I hate myself for letting him use me. I hate myself for not thinking about my own needs, and about how I would feel.

The one thing I do regret however is not buying more cigarettes before I left L3. I never thought about them once after seeing him at the Wedding.

Two days ago I thought I saw him sat next to me in the co-pilots seat. He was dressed in his priest outfit which he'd worn for most of the war. He had an excited glint in his amethyst eyes and his shimmering chestnut braid cast over his shoulder curling in his lap. He was talking about Deathscythe comparing it to Wing, telling me how much 'cooler', as he put it, it was. I'd called him a "Baka" and he'd smiled in return before disappearing.

My breaths are shallow and my body feels weak. I nearly miss the large black ship fly into view, its monstrous shape only visible due to its lights. Relena's shuttle suddenly rocks from side to side like a boat on rough sea before I feel the ship and myself being dragged towards the larger one. In my last waking consciousness I see a face pop up on the telemonitor. A man with the most vivid green eyes I have ever seen stares straight back at me but doesn't say anything. The screen flickers and then goes blank. I pass out accepting defeat.

xXx

I know where I am before I've even open my eyes. I can taste steroidal medicine at the back of my throat and my brain picks up a slight discomfort in my right arm from where a canular has been inserted. The unforgettable stink of antiseptic burns my nostrils.

I gently open my eyes to find I am indeed in a hospital room and I'm not tied down - that's a first. I push myself up however I'm still very weak, I fall back into my pillows with a thud. Gritting my teeth in anger, I try again and manage to get myself to sit on the side of the snow white hospital bed. I notice someone has dressed me in some loose grey slacks. The cords have been tied in a big knot, that's when I realise how thin I've actually become. Before I can try and do anything else the door to the private room opens and a young woman enters.

I glare at her but she just grins in return. She has deep brown eyes and hair to match pulled into a twisted bun.

"Going somewhere?" she asks, grabbing my notes off the end of the bed. I don't reply. "To be honest I don't think you would have gotten very far." She looks amused as she flicks through the pages.

"Where am I?" I ask my voice rough and my throat incredible sore.

"On the Redstar spaceship," she answers. "We found you floating around in space in Relena Peacecrafts shuttle." The way she said Relena's name caught me. She didn't look angry but from her tone I could tell she didn't like the Vice Foreign Minister.

"How long have I been here?"

"You've been unconscious for 2 weeks, you're lucky we found you when we did." She smiles as she makes her way towards me. She shines a light in my eyes and looks quite pleased as she quickly checks me over. I can feel my muscles sorely tense.

"You look like you're recovering quite quickly for someone who hasn't eaten for about 3 weeks," she says sounding disproving. I feel my eyes narrow at her as she takes out a pen and begins to make notes.

"Who's the captain of this ship?" I ask

The doctor falters in her note taking. Her dark eyes rise to meet mine and she says with all seriousness, "you are under the command of Landon Grey -" and then she smiles, "you hungry?"

I recognise the name. If I recall correctly – I should be trying to get off this ship as soon as possible. I nod and watch her leave. As soon as she's out the door I turn and rip the canular from my arm causing blood to squirt out like something out of a cartoon onto the white tiled floor. I grab a bandage from her medical tray and quickly wrap up my arm. The blood seeps through, however I don't have time to worry about that.

I begin to shiver as I lift myself from the bed and stumble a little from lack of energy. Careful not to make any noise I make my way out of the hospital room and into a small white hallway in the ships hospital wing. My stomach grumbles as a delicious smell wafts from the hospital kitchens, and for a second I almost consider returning to the bed.

Reaching the end of the corridor not really knowing where I'm going I choose to take a stairwell to a lower deck instead of wondering around the hospital wing. The stairway is dark with no lights and I keep close to the wall as I move slowly down the stairs feeling my body weakening at every step.

I jump as the alarm sounds 10 minutes later as I reach the bottom of the stairwell.

I hide underneath the stairs just in time for a few people to come bursting through the exit door and begin running up the stairs. The alarm makes my head thump painfully, but I try to ignore it. I take in a deep breath and leave my hiding place, just as I do however a guy runs through the door. Due to my quick reaction times, even when injured, I knock him out by hitting his pressure spot on his neck and grab the gun from his hands and find another tucked in his boot. Carrying one in my hand I tuck the other into the front of my waist band.

Pushing open the door I find I'm in the shuttle hanger and my eyes spy Relena's ship amongst many small looking racing pods. I crouch behind a few crates of scrap metal and watch as everyone kicks into action trying to find me – the funny thing is they all run out of the hanger not expecting me to even find my way here.

The hanger is empty and I almost laugh to myself as I make a run for Relena's shuttle feeling my body running on adrenaline. I get to the ship and as I put in the security code I feel the well known pressure of a gun to the back of my head.

"Drop the gun" I hear someone growl. My back tenses and my right hand releases the gun. "I've always been taught it's rude to leave without saying goodbye." I hear the male voice say, tinged with an accent I've heard once before once on Earth. It's low and deadly.

"I just thought I'd outstayed my welcome," I reply making sure my voice is flat to not give away how much my heart is pounding or how weak my current state is. I hear the man chuckle a deep and rich rumble from his chest.

"So, what's a guy like you doing with Relena Peacecrafts shuttle?" I refuse to reply so I do the next best thing. I spin around and grab the hand he has the gun in pointing it away from my head while at the same time grabbing my spare gun tucked in my waist band and point it at his head. He does the same at exactly the same time, and it is at that moment I realise I've seen this man before.

The piercing emerald green eyes glare at me underneath a mop of black hair. It's the guy I saw on the telemonitor before I passed out. He has slightly tanned skin and a chiselled jaw line. He's obviously in good shape unlike myself.

"Who are you?" He demands lowly under my heated glare. I don't reply. "Tell me otherwise I'll shoot you."

I take a deep breath and drop my grip on his hand and my other on the gun. It drops to the floor with a deafening clang. I drop my arms to my sides and close my eyes waiting for him to shoot me. It would after all be an easier more justifiable death.

"Are you fucking crazy?" I hear him say causing me to open my eyes. His green eyes have widened slightly. "You really want me to shoot you just because you don't want to tell me your name?"

I stare at him feeling nothing, wishing he would shoot me and end my life.

He tuts and shakes his head. I then watch as his green eyes narrow in anger before he shoots me in the thigh. The pain ripples through me like hot lava and I can taste bile in the back of my throat. I catch my scream in my throat before I can reveal the pain I'm in. I cripple to the floor.

"That's for being so fucking stupid," he states anger lacing his voice just as I hear a stampede of people enter the hanger. "Take him back to the hospital wing and make sure he stays there."

"Yes sir," one replies and the next thing I know I'm being dragged from the floor – and then I pass out.

xXx

I yell as I wake from the familiar recurring nightmare. Images flash in my mind of the small girl I'd killed many years ago. Her blue eyes are as vivid in my mind as the day I saw her. I can feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. Gritting my teeth I thrash my head unwilling to let the other images flash - the pacifist shuttle blowing up, my self destruction. The invisible shot wound in my stomach rips open and I feel like I'm bleeding to my end.

I try to get up however this time I am strapped to the bed. I try and break free however I'm much too weak this time and the shot wound in my thigh is excruciating, sending burning sensations through my body as if my insides are on fire.

I can't even curl in on myself to hold my agonizing stomach. I squeeze my eyes shut, my mind filling with all my guilt as I am reminded of everything I've done, of all the families I killed. Faintly in the back of my mind I can hear myself screaming.

I give up and lie in my own sweat until morning as I try to calm myself down for the first time without alcohol and cigarettes.

By the time the doctor enters in the morning with a fresh pair of slacks and two guys for backup, I feel wired. I can tell I've got bags around my eyes and they're bloodshot. She's holding a bag of fluid in her right hand and continues silently to hang it up next to the current one I have streaming into my body. She then carefully undoes the ropes around my wrists and ankles.

"Hold out your left arm," she orders. I do as she says and watch as she proceeds to put another canular in my arm. She then attaches the new drip. I can feel the cool liquid enter my veins and spread up my arm putting out the fire on the way; however it doesn't dull my painful stomach.

"Would you like my help to get changed?" I feel my anger rising and the shame that she and I both know I can't dress myself. I slowly nod and she undresses me and redresses me in grey bottoms.

She folds my dirty slacks to perfection and hangs them over one arm as she turns to the additional drip I now have running into my arm and taps it.

"I've put you on a course of morphine for your leg," she explains. I feel my teeth grit in anger. I never have such drugs.

"I have breakfast cooking, if you would like some please refrain from running," her voice is crisp and almost irritant. "There's a bedpan under the bed if u would like to use it." I glare before she nods and turns to leave the room with the two men following her.

I lie as still as I can to try and assess the damage I've done to myself. My body is drained and very sore. I haven't felt like this since I self-destructed. However, I can feel the drug soon working its way through my body.

I don't even notice the doctor's presence as she returns with a small bowl of porridge. She helps me sit up and then continues to feed me small spoonfuls. I stare at her expectantly however she remains silent unlike the first time, making me feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Why didn't he kill me?" I ask suddenly causing her shoulders to tense. She lifts her large brown eyes level with mine.

"You're still alive because Landon doesn't believe people should be given an easy way out," she replies with a little anger lacing her voice. Of course she's angry she'd just spent 2 weeks looking after me only for me to try and throw my life away again. She doesn't speak again until we're finished.

"Get some rest, Landon will be visiting today." I feel my heart skip a beat as she mentions the famous name of the space pirate.

xXx

The thing with morphine is it gives you hallucinations.

He was here with me again sat at the end of my hospital bed, his amethyst eyes glaring at me. This time he's dressed in a red polo neck covered by his worn leather jacket.

"What have you done Heero?" he asks looking slightly disappointed. His braided hair is coiled on the bed, and I can almost touch it with my finger tips. "Evel Knievel would never have gotten into this mess."

"Hn," I snort. "I'm not superhuman you know." He smiles.

"Status?"

"Shot with a Glock 26, wound in the Vastus Rectus–" I murmur feeling my eyes trying to close but I won't let them. Not while he's here. "Loss of muscle – didn't eat –"

"Jesus 'Ro never took you to be so reckless."

"Hn. I guess I learn from the best Duo," my eyes close without consent. "Stay with me." I whisper in desperation but I don't hear a reply.

The next time I wake its 8pm by the clock in the hospital room. I can hear the doctor outside greeting someone as I now fake my sleep. It's Landon Grey, the captain of this ship. Grey asks about my condition and finally I can hear every small detail of what's wrong with me. Apart from the shot wound in my leg my body is on the mend after she'd fed me morphine and essential nutrients intravenously to help build up the muscle and energy I'd lost.

"He was talking to someone earlier after I had given him morphine," she says her voice quite. "He said a name – Duo."

"Duo?" I feel my breath stop as they mention his name.

"Hmmm – he also started talking about his injuries. I was thinking perhaps he was a soldier. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about – he said you shot him with a Glock 26 and his body is covered in scars. From his x-rays it looks like he's broken his bones over and over. I'm guessing yesterday was not the only time he's tried to risk his life."

Grey 'hmmms' a reply before thanking the doctor.

A few seconds later the door is cracked open and he enters. I can feel his intense stare burning a hole into my skull and I can feel all my defence mechanisms jump into action. If I was in a better condition and not tied to the bed, he would be dead within a minute.

I feel him make his way over to my side his eyes never leave my form, making me feel slightly uncomfortable. I snap my eyes open as he sits on the side of the bed and I find I'm glaring at the green eyed man who shot me in the hanger.

The first thing which pops into my head is that he doesn't look like a captain of such a large ship as this. He's dressed in dark jeans and a long black sleeved t-shirt which looks slightly too tight for his toned arms. He looks not much older than I. Maybe my first conclusion was wrong; the guy looks like he would be able to put up a fight easily.

"Who are you?" he asks his voice smooth and full of confidence. He doesn't seem fazed by the look I'm giving him unlike other people. He crosses his arms across his chest proving how big his biceps are. "Either you're a close friend of Miss Peacecraft or you stole her ship."

I stay silent.

"Tell me why is it you don't care for your life?" I feel my hands turn into fists. He tilts his head slightly as a light frown comes to his face, "you practically begged me to kill you in the hanger. Why?" He demands more than asks.

"That's none of your business." I growl breaking my silence. I silently curse myself.

He's silent for a minute his eyes boring into me through his slightly messy black hair. Even though he is the rouge captain of the criminal space pirates, I find myself thinking he is quite beautiful with the hospital lights outlining his figure as if he is an angel from heaven. I have to resist the urge to shake my head.

Damn Morphine.

"You're very interesting." I frown. "Have you always acted this way?" I remain silent. He shrugs his shoulders at my ignorance. "In our faction we consider it very rude not to reply -"

"I'm not willing to supply a criminal information I consider private" I resort uncharacteristically in my drugged up state. Landon raises his dark eyebrow. "After all that's what you are, a criminal am I right?"

A small crooked smile comes to his lips as he looks slightly amused, "very well, but I suppose for now you will have to keep your opinions to yourself." I almost frown at his words.

"...Why?"

"You're going to be stuck on this ship for a long time. We're 2 months away from the colonies and Earth and for classified reasons; I cannot just let you fly away in Relena Peacecrafts ship."

"You're letting me go?"

"We _always_ release our prisoners or shall I say guests _without_ harm," he states emphasising his words before chuckling, "well normally, however as I said before I couldn't just let you fly away in Relena's ship, shooting you was the result of me protecting my people."

His green eyes narrow on me, "we believe in peace, no matter what we do to survive what has been brought upon us. We would never harm someone who is not a threat – that's if you are not a threat."

I remain silent.

There's a sudden buzzing sound before a female voice calls out for Captain Grey.

"Captain Grey, Monro is in need of your assistance on the bridge." Grey nods his head and rises from his seat.

"I hope you enjoy your stay." He says, "And maybe for once someone will be able to see what it's like to be one of us." I watch him leave without saying a word, the door clicks softly closed after him.

I lie slightly confused as I relay our conversation over in my head. I'm not technically their prisoner, however at the moment they're unwilling to let me go – so what does that make me? I let my eyes slide shut feeling exhaustion take over my body. Before I can devour into my thoughts even deeper I'm fast asleep.

Damn Morphine.

xXx

The doctor's name I learn, by the 4th day in confinement, is Chloe. On the 5th I told her mine – I don't know why, but I'm blaming it on the amount of drugs she's been pumping into my body. However, she seemed proud of herself as I announced it and I didn't feel like it was a mistake as I did.

She soon returned to her usual self after that. It's been two weeks since I was shot by Grey. My muscle tone has nearly returned to normal – I've started doing sit ups and other strengthening techniques J taught me to keep my strong during the war. My leg is stiff but I know down to experience the only way to fix this is through gentle, gradual use. Today, as I was told yesterday by an excited Chloe, I'm being taken to my own room for the rest of my stay on the Redstar ship. I'm finally leaving the hospital wing.

"Good Evening Heero!" Chloe calls as she enters my room around about 7pm. Her long brown hair is down framing her slightly pale face.

"Ou," I greet quietly back. Chloe has been quite helpful while I've been in here. She's helped me a lot with my nightmares by giving me a sedative whenever it's gotten too bad. The pain in my stomach still drains me however.

I'm quite glad to see Chloe today. I haven't seen anyone else – even Grey. I've heard him talking to Chloe outside the room while I've been resting, however he never once stepped into the room.

Behind her my eyes are drawn to a very attractive man with stunning chocolate brown eyes. He has honey blonde hair, nearly the same colour as Relena's, making his eyes look much larger and deeper. He's dressed in very baggy dark blue jeans and a ripped tank top stained with what looks like oil. He has a cap on his head worn backwards.

"I'd like you to meet Jason – Landon wants him to be your escort for the remainder of your stay," she explains. I snort at her comment knowing full well why Grey wants Jason to follow my every move. He thinks I'm a threat – and I don't blame him.

"Nice to finally meet you Heero," Jason says and the look in his eyes reminds me of the one person I've been trying to forget. He smiles as he stands by the door rolling back and forth on the heels of his nearly blackened trainers. "Landon thought I'd keep you entertained for the rest of the trip."

"That's only because you can talk for the whole of space," Chloe chuckles warmly as she quickly gives me a check over. She takes my pulse and checks my blood pressure.

"Now, now Chlo you know that's not true," he grins.

"Sure," the doctor replies sarcastically while giving me a wink. "I've made arrangements for someone to bring you your things from the shuttle. I've also picked up some clothes from my husband – he had a growth spurt a couple of years ago, he can't fit into them anymore."

"Thanks" I murmur as she finishes her checks. She then hands me a box of aspirin.

"Here take these if you feel any pain from your leg." I nod my head in understandment and rise from the bed.

"I'm still quite concerned about your seizures," she says eying me almost sceptically. I know she's wondering if she's doing the right thing about letting me go. "I've told Jas' to contact me if you have another nightmare."

"I'll be fine," I state. I've always gotten through them by myself. I see her chew nervously on her lip.

"So, we ready to go?" Jason asks from the door stuffing his hands in his jean pockets, "Landon's expecting us."

"Sure," I reply as I feel my stomach knot at the thought of meeting the strange, intense captain again. He smiles and cocks his head towards the corridor. I turn to Chloe as Jason leaves the room.

"Thank you –"

"Don't worry about it, I'm just doing my job – well you're the only serious patient I've had since living on X18999," she smiles before pushing me in the direction of the door. "Now go catch up with Jas'."

I nod a goodbye before exiting the room. I find Jason leaning against the opposite wall in the corridor. He pushes himself away as he notices me approaching and grins showing his perfectly straight and white teeth.

"I'm sorry I was a little late, I got caught up in the hanger. Was trying to fix a damn pod, the fucker's fuelling pipe has blown," he explains as he leads me down the corridor and away from the hospital wing. "I've been asked to check over your shuttle before you leave just make sure everything's spik and span – you nearly blew the engine since it had been running for that long with hardly any oil."

I frown, why would he do that? "You don't need to-"

"Hey! I don't know if Landon's told you but we always look after our guests," he smiles as we enter a lift. "Floor 5"

"Yes Sir. Door's closing." The lift responds in a light female voice. I feel it jolt to life and begin to move upwards.

Jason turns to me and grins, "we've just had that installed, cool huh?"

I almost roll my eyes. I listen to him chat as I count the floors as we go up. I think I must have been on the 3rd because it's not long until we stop.

"How's your leg feeling now? I can remember when I was shot during the war – was only a graze, I was much too fast for those fuckers when I decided to retaliate."

"It's fine."

"Are you some sort of superhuman or something?" he jokes, but I don't see the funny side. "I've never known a guy who can recover from starvation and a gunshot wound within two weeks."

"Thanks to Doctor Harris," I reply

"Chlo's the best," he smiles. "Just to think the Earth and Colonies are missing out on someone as talented as her."

"Hn." I refuse to comment on the matter.

Grey's office is just off the side of the bridge, I notice as Jason quickly ushers me past the main control room with a number of people sitting down at their control units. We stop by a white door to match the white corridor.

"This is Landon's office," once again I notice his informal use of the Captains name. He knocks softly and opens the door. "Go on in, I'll be waiting here for you when you're finished." I nod in understandment and enter the office, feeling my heart jump a beat. I silently close the door behind me.

Grey's office is tasteful with just the necessities, a dense monogamy desk with a table lamp, a computer, a filing cabinet and two chairs either side the desk. However there is a small sofa against the far wall facing the large skyscraper windows overlooking space. A small cd player balances on the top of the filing cabinet currently playing a soft classical piece of music. Its melody is soothing and I begin to feel my body relax.

Grey is standing by the window gazing out at space – there's nothing but distant stars in view indicating how far we are away from civilization. He has a thoughtful expression on his face and the look in his eyes show his thoughts are indeed slightly troubling him. I almost don't want to disturb him, however I feel uncomfortable standing at his office door.

"You wanted to see me," I speak up. He turns looking slight dazed at my presence. I don't think he heard Jason's knock above the music.

"So – Heero, is it?" I nod my head and he smiles slightly. "Nice to meet you, has Heero got a last name?"

I stay silent watching him lean against the thick glass window. He has his toned arms crossed and his head bowed as he looks at me through his ruffled hair. The light from the table lamp dimly lights up his green eyes. From where he's stood, he looks dangerous and for a moment I understand why he and Alistair Flint are escorted on and off the colonies.

I notice how his clothes are once again very casual. He's wearing a white tank top and dark loose jeans. My eyes are drawn to the tattoo he has running down from his left shoulder. It's a tribal pattern; it twists and turns as it crawls up his whole arm like ivy. By the looks of it, it covers some of his chest and back as well.

"It's Yuy."

"Heero Yuy," he states and I watch my name roll easily off his tongue. "The same name as the assonated colony peace leader?" He chuckles and shakes his head, "you continue to confuse me."

I glare at him and he seems unfazed.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

"Dr Harris is a good doctor," I state coolly as I watch him uncoil from his lean and make his way to his desk. He looks slightly taller than me as he moves, walking as smooth and cautious as a cat measuring up his prey. His green eyes never leave my form.

He slowly sits down in his chair.

"How's the leg?"

"Stiff." I answer quickly.

The room is silent for a second and the music continues to flow calmly.

"I know Jas' is showing you around the ship tomorrow," he begins and I now recognise his very faint accent as if he's been away from his homeland for a while. If I'm right Grey must have Welsh connections. "I just wanted to make sure you know there are areas which you are forbidden to go."

My eyes narrow, however I notice the informal way he used Jason's nickname, just like Jason had used his real name. Is there no professionalism within this –colony- of people?

"The top northern corner of the ship is off bounds, I'm hoping you will respect this –"

"Of course," I answer automatically. His green eyes keep their intensity on me as if trying to work out if I actually mean what I've just said.

"And you are not allowed near Miss Peacecrafts ship until we allow you to leave."

"I understand."

"Everywhere else I'm permitting you to go, however within Jas's company,"

"Hn," I nod my head.

"Is there anything you need during your stay?" He asks, causing me to frown. Why is he trying to be so hospitable?

"I'm fine." He 'hmmms' and nods his head.

"Well, I have work to do. Maybe when you've settled in you can tell me the story of how you came into possession of Relena Peacecrafts ship." My eyes narrow and I see him smile.

"Goodnight Captain Grey." I bow slightly and go to leave however he calls out after me.

"It's Landon," he's rose from his seat, both hands placed on the mahogany desk in front. "We don't really use formalities around here." Well that explains that.

However, I always keep formal unless with close friends, and he is definitely not a friend – and I would never speak to my enemies in that manner.

"Captain Grey, I've been taught my whole life to keep to formalities, especially in the presence of a person in such a position as yourself."

He opens his mouth as if to say something but then shuts it. His dark green eyes narrow and he nods his head – "Alright."

"Goodnight Captain."

"Goodnight Heero."

I pull open the office door and step out into the bright white corridor - a complete contrast compared to the dark almost soothing room of Grey's office.

Jason is waiting for me just down the hall. His face lights up as he notices me.

"That was quick."

"Hn."

"Well I guess I'll show you to your room. You could probably do with the rest."

"Sure." I follow him around a few more corridors and down one floor. As he explains on the way the 4th floor is living quarters. We pass many blocks with different names of flowers, Lily, Daffodil, Rose, Belladonna and we stop at Anemone. My heart stops beating as I strike to the spot. Jason continues to walk on down the corridor unaware of my panic.

I gulp as I force myself to move, knowing today I will not get any sleep. Anemone is the name of the flower the young girl gave me before I killed her, her family and her dog. To me it is the flower of death, and as I walk down the corridor towards my new room I silently wish I was walking to my own death.

**TBC...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't

**It's like I checked into Rehab**

**Baby, you're my disease**

**It's like I checked into Rehab**

**Baby, you're my disease**

**Chapter 6**

I can see her through the window as the bedroom sets alight. I can hear her screams and I can feel her pain but I stand rooted to the spot. I thrash and strain to reach out to her but I can't move – I can never save her. I've never been able to. This I can never accept.

"Please," I beg to no one but wishing someone would hear and run to take her into safety. But no one ever comes, I know this to well. I've seen it a thousand times. She will burn, and when the fire has died down enough I will enter her apartment block and find her puppy dead on the floor.

I can feel pain rippling through my legs as they threaten to collapse and I can feel tears trickling down my face. My imaginary gunshot wound in my stomach rips open and I wish that the pain and the reality of it was real.

"Make it stop," I whisper in agony sliding to my knees before keeling over on the floor. My legs feel like they are on fire and my breaths have become short. All I can smell is the burning apartments and all I can see are the tiny speaks of ash as they float down through the sky gently covering the ground in a mist of white.

I give up.

"Heero," I hear a nearby voice. I don't even have the energy to look up. "Heero come back to us."

My body feels weak and I feel empty. I don't want to.

"Come back to me," the voice says again this time more firmly. A second later it feels like a bolt of electricity stabs through my veins.

I gasp for air and the next thing I know I'm looking up into a pair of blazing dark green eyes.

"Heero," my head is swimming. "Heero, calm down." It takes me a second to recognise the man kneeing on the floor next to my bed leaning over me in a protective stance, but against what I don't know. It takes me another second to realise where I am. I almost frown at the concerned look on Landon Grey's face. "He's awake."

"Thank God," I hear a woman's voice which I recognise as Chloe's but I don't see her. Everything seems so distant as if this is the dream and I've just left my reality.

I feel sick and extremely hot. My body is covered in sweat.

"My leg –" I whisper the pain now becoming apparent. It feels like it's been shot all over again. I curl my toes as I try and repress the shooting pains. However it's the only thing that's reminding me this is real.

"You ripped open the stitches, you may have damaged the muscles again," Chloe's voice explains. I can feel the anxiety in my chest like my skin has shrivelled and is now too tightly stretched.

"What –" My dazed eyes turn back to Grey as I suddenly realise his proximity and I notice now how his arms are covered in blood. I have enough energy to roll the opposite direction from him and puke up my dinner.

"Chlo can you fetch a bowl and a wash cloth. Jas could you get some new bedding."

"Sure," I hear a sullen reply. I hear the door open and close. I can feel Grey's tight grip still on my wrists pinning them away from my body.

The room is left in thick silence and I continue to degrade myself by being sick over the side of the bed until there is nothing else but the pain seeping up and through my body from my leg.

"Chlo's got some medicine to take care of your leg. We couldn't give it to you before because you wouldn't stop moving."

"Why are you pinning my arms down?" I ask quietly

"You were harming yourself in your sleep. You went into a spasm." Grey explains and I refuse to look him in the face. So he's protecting me from myself. "Chloe seems to think you had a reaction to the Morphine you had for your leg – she says some people can have reactions to it up to 3 days after your last dose. It looks like your body was depending on it more than we knew."

With a sudden bolt of energy I rip my arms away from his grasp. I feel so angry with myself, with them, with J and Odin for making me the way I am. I feel so weak. I wish they'd never have found me out in space. My skin feels like its burning as if I'd been caught in a fire. I wish I was normal, but I don't think I was ever intended to be.

"Heero," Grey's eyes have widened slightly, "calm down before you hurt yourself." I glare as hard as I can at the captain kneeing by bed. He stays as solid as a rock and doesn't even flinch.

"I don't need you here to help me." I state though I cringe at the sound of my voice.

"Yes you do,"

"You should have left me in space," he doesn't reply at that. He just stares, his uncomfortable, intense eyes staring at me as if trying to figure out who exactly I am and what the hell I'm trying to do to myself. The thing is I don't know the answer to both of those questions.

However, there's no pity within his eyes, just curiosity. I drop my gaze and turn my attention to his tattoo noticing its beautiful art work on his slight tanned skin. My mind suddenly wonders how he could even have a tan having to spend all his time on his damned ship.

The room lapses into silence before I feel him move away. His voice is so soft I almost miss it "We all have demon's Heero –" I look up and find his gaze burning into mine almost covered by his dark wild hair. I can feel my cheeks burn, though I don't know if it's down to the fever or him. "It's just some people can cope better than others and have support to help them." I feel insulted but I feel like I don't have the energy to keep on fighting as I can feel myself slipping into the darkness again. "We would like to help you."

"You can't help me," I murmur through tired lips cursing myself at revealing how fucked up I actually am. That I'm broken to the core and I don't think there is a way to glue me back together.

"We would like to try, don't let go just yet." I hear his quiet answer before I'm pulled under by exhaustion.

I dream I'm in a forest; the location is unknown to me. I can smell the fresh pine air and I can feel the soft cool breeze as it wafts over me ruffling my green tank top I used to wear in the war. There is nothing but beautiful pine trees around me. What strikes me however is that there is no sound and I suddenly notice I'm all alone. I keep wondering around searching for some form of life but I never find any. It's just me by myself. The way it's always been. And then I wake up.

Before I've even opened my eyes I can hear the very faint sound of a TV and the hairs on my arms raise as I sense the presence of someone most probably sat next to my bed. To confirm my suspicions I peak open one eye and spy Jason sat not far away his legs propped up by the small desk I have in my new room. His head is lolled back, his golden locks falling away from his young peaceful face as he snores happily.

I turn my attention to the small TV over the other side of the room playing an old TV program from way before the colonies were built. The room seems peaceful but so distant like I'm on the outside looking in through a window. My body aches and I notice the dull pain in my stomach.

I try to shift so I can sit up but I feel the throbbing in my leg ripple through me. I notice that I'm dressed in fresh bed clothes and my bed lining has been changed. My leg has also been wrapped in brand new bandages and from the feel of it my wound has been stitched back together. I still feel a little hot, however nothing compared to last night – if it even was last night.

I finally manage to sit up and carefully turn so I'm sat on the side of the bed. It's when I try to put my foot to the floor that I cry out. I punch the bed with my fist. I've never shown such an outburst of pain.

Jason's eyes have instantly flown open and he's out of his seat before I've had time to recover.

"You're a crazy ass bitch you know that Heero?" he says with a frown but for some reason his voice seems distant as if I'm wearing some ear muffs. "You need to get back into bed."

I stay rooted to the spot glaring at him. He doesn't look at me as he gently pushes me back looking almost guilty.

"Doc's gave my orders to make sure you do just that," he states his deep brown eyes rising to mine and all I can see is concern. "And I always obey orders." He stands transfixed in front of me and I know I haven't got cats in hell chance in getting past him. I sit silently and can feel my cheeks burning as he props my pillows up and helps me back into bed.

"You really scared us the other night, I thought you were a goner," he says his voice almost quivering. "You were in a pretty bad shape."

"I'm sorry," I surprise myself by answering. "How long was I out for?"

"Two days and its ok it's not your fault, it's just – I've never seen anyone like that before," he admits while pulling the bed covers towards me but not actually tucking me in. It's a good thing as well because I think I may have punched him if he tried.

"Well I suppose the only way is up from now on," he smiles settling back in his seat. "Chlo says all the morphine should be out your body and you're through the worst, which is good right?"

I nod a reply as I turn my attention to the TV. The reason I know it's such an old television program is because of how fuzzy the picture is. Now days technology has advanced so much that it almost feels as if you're in the program.

"I used to love this program," Jason comments next to me. "I remember it used to be on when I was a kid – repeats obviously, this gig is probably a thousand years old – but anyway I used to watch it with my mom and dad every Sunday after dinner. We'd sit down and eat our pudding while watching it."

I glance at the strange young man to my left noticing how his dark brown eyes have become slightly glazed as he thinks about his past. They then drop to look at the floor.

"Things change I guess," he says causing me to frown. How often I'd heard that phrase in the last few years. So much has changed since the war. "But it's what you make out of the changes that counts," he carries on. "I mean look at me, looks like I'm gonna be stuck on this damned thing for the rest of my life but I ain't gonna let that stop me from achieving my dreams. I guess sometimes you've got to make sacrifices to keep yourself happy."

I frown as the room lapses into silence. Make sacrifices?

"What do you mean?" I whisper, noticing how hoarse my voice sounds.

"Sometimes you've got to give up something if you want to be happy," he answers with a wistful smile while settling his feet back up on the desk and propping his arms behind his head. "I mean I always wanted to go to Earth and be the best pod driver there ever was – well I guess that ain't gonna happen, so I decided I'd become the best pod driver in space. I guess space is better than just Earth right?" He tries to convince himself. "I had to give up my dream to become happy."

I hum a reply. Could I ever be that strong and give up one of my dreams to become happy?

xXx

Have you ever felt as if the whole world is moving so fast around you but you're standing completely still? That's exactly what the last few days have felt like.

I didn't get much sleep that night in my new room as expected. As much as my body wanted to sleep, my mind wanted the complete opposite. I felt like I couldn't breathe within the small room with no windows. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.

I spent the next few days in bed trying to recover. Doctor Harris came to visit and tried to get me to come back to the hospital wing. I would have but I liked the privacy of my new room no matter how much mental torture it gave me. Jason came and sat with me every day.

I still can't sleep.

I don't know if it's down to my lack of sleep, but I can slowly feel myself falling as if I am falling further and further away from everything. My hearing is still muffled as if I'm wearing earmuffs. Nothing seems colourful or bright anymore as if my eyes have lost their focus. I feel lifeless.

My steady hands have started to shake the last few days. I can feel myself slowly breaking.

On the 6th day Chloe came to visit again. She booked me in to have physiotherapy for my leg and then asked about my nightmares. I lied saying I was fine though I'm starting to think that there won't be a day that I'll be able to lay to rest what I did to that little girl. The Doctor could tell I was lying; she left a bottle of sleeping pills on the small desk in my room without consent.

My room is actually quite nice. It reminds me of one of the boarding schools I stayed in once on Earth. It has a simple single bed, desk, wardrobe, a television, and a few books placed on a small shelve. There's a small ensuite wet room to the left which is more than descent. The only thing is it reminds me of him and our times together at school, where once I wished I was a real student and had no worries about if I would die tomorrow.

I am actually glad that I'm off the morphine, being in this room which rising so many memories – the effects may have been drastic. I still dream about him – I don't think that will ever stop. The last time I dreamt of him it was a memory of one of the missions we went on during the war – he'd tried to overdo himself as usual – and I had to stitch up the damage. Always the Baka.

A week later I'm feeling much better and Jason's taking me to see Chloe so I can have some physiotherapy. Our little tour has been put on hold for the time being.

I sit silently on my bed my thoughts wondering everywhere as they usually do. I wish there was a way I could turn them off. I haven't been able to stop thinking about what Jason said the first day I woke up. Could I really give up something the way he did?

There's a soft knock on my door and I almost miss it. I sigh from my place sat on my cleanly made bed. I must have been daydreaming for the past hour, it was 8 o'clock the last time I looked at the clock and Jason usually calls at 9.

I call out for Jason to enter, and he does his head popping around with a chestier cat grin on his face as he holds up two crutches.

"Hey buddy you ready to go?" he asks his brown eyes sparkling with excitement "got a big day ahead."

I silently nod my head and gratefully take hold of the crutches. We have to walk slowly and it takes us double the amount of time to get to the hospital wing than before.

My stomach twists as we enter the private hospital ward and I find Doctor Harris standing talking to the last person I wanted to see. Grey's green eyes instantly snap onto me almost hiding beneath his spiky black hair. It looks almost as wild as mine.

"Hello Heero," he says, I can feel my eyes narrowing however I nod a greeting back.

"Landon's come to help out with us today," Chloe explains. I grit my teeth in anger, I don't need any help but I dare deny the help off the notorious captain of this ship.

"I'll see ya when you're done Heero, I'll show you to the canteen then if you're up for it" Jason says with a smile. I almost don't want him to leave. I'd gotten used to his almost constant presence at my bed talking about everything and nothing. I nod my head slowly in response before turning my attention back to Grey. I feel extremely uncomfortable under his intense gaze and I wish he'd aim it at someone else.

"Right, now Heero we are going to run through a number of exercises. I want you to keep within your comfort zone– stop immediately when you feel any pain."

"Hai," I answer just so she knows I'm listening.

We start off with a few foot exercises' which had me writing the digits 1 – 10 with my toes in the air and circling my ankle. I could feel my muscles beginning to loosen.

I had Chloe coaching me all the way through telling me if I was doing everything right. Which I did, I like to master the art of perfection. It did however get me thinking back to how I used to treat my wounds during the war. Whenever I've had an injury before the actual proper way of healing took a back seat to my duties of being a soldier. Sometimes I worried if I hurt myself too much J would replace me.

"You're doing great Heero," I feel my chest contract as the young captain speaks up. When I look up I almost snarl as I see the concern in his green eyes. For some reason I feel angry, so angry I can feel my blood beginning to boil.

We run through a few more exercises, Grey doesn't speak again. I can soon feel myself beginning to grow tired and my leg beginning to ache. For our last exercise Chloe has me standing up and I have to take a few steps putting my foot flat on the floor to stretch the muscles of my legs.

I take the first few steps, however soon after I can feel my legs beginning to wobble and my vision blurring. Reaching out to stop myself from falling I feel my hand connect to something hard and steady. Looking up I find Grey in front of me and my hand resting on his arm.

"Come on, you can do it, just hold on." He speaks and takes a step back. "Just a few more steps."

"Landon, I think that maybe all for today."

"No he can do it," the captain speaks back. "I know he can." His green eyes stare into mine motivating me to go on, to keep going and not give up. As if teasing me with my own person mission: get to the other side of the room. Never give up. That's what I did during the war. I never gave up, so why had I started to now?

I take one step and then another feeling my stiff leg drag itself into position. He takes another step back, "come on Heero. Don't worry about falling I'm here to hold onto."

I can do it. I will walk. I will not let the pain stop me. Nothing will stop me. I can feel myself growing more confident with each step. I am strong, I am not weak.

Before I know it I've crossed the room and Grey is smiling in satisfaction.

"Heero, my – after last week – wow," was all I hear Chloe say before my leg collapses. I feel Grey's arms around me before I touch the floor. He carries me over to a chair across the other side of the room and I can feel my cheeks burning in anger.

"I can walk myself," I state.

"You're not superhuman Heero," he replies and I feel infuriated. I can hear my short puffing breaths and I curse myself for even showing how angry I've become. He settles me quickly down in a seat near Chloe's desk. I remain glaring at him until Chloe speaks while handing me a sheet of paper.

"I'd like you to gently run through these over the next couple of days. I'm pretty sure you're leg will heal quickly like last time, but I just want to make sure that we are doing everything correctly."

"Thanks," I murmur as I take the sheet off her. Grey has resumed a place leaning against the far wall, his green eyes eye's still on me. He's crossed his arms across his chest.

"We erm," Chloe says now looking a little hesitant. "Wanted to talk to you about the nightmare you had."

I suddenly feel as if my stomach has dropped out and I can taste bile in the back of my throat. I turn to her and instantly shake my head, "No."

"Heero, I think if you talk about what you were dreaming about it may help in some way." I stare at her as if she's grown another head. I've never spoke to anyone about my dreams, and there is no way in hell that I would tell these criminals, no matter how nice they may act, such personal information.

I can feel myself beginning to panic as they both wait expectantly.

"I always have this one dream," Grey speaks up causing our attention to snap onto him, "of my parents." He continues after a short pause, "It's of the day they died. It always plays out the same way – me wanting them to drive me to the market to buy some latest toy. I stop and do up my shoe lace as they carry on to the car." His gaze is not on me anymore as he lowers it to the ground. "And I always watch them explode as a bomb strapped to the underneath of their car goes off."

"Landon –" I hear Chloe's voice say lightly.

"I'll always dream of them, but with the help of Chloe I don't blame myself anymore." he says and his eyes rise to meet mine again full of so much wisdom and experience and promise. Maybe it's not just me who suffers. Maybe I could do with a little bit of help. For some unknown reason I feel myself accept his offer. "Everybody has demons"

I don't want to be weak anymore; I want to be strong like I felt during the war. I want to have realistic life dreams, but maybe I have to give up some on the way. I want to be able to live in peace. I want a chance of a normal life.

But I know I have a long way to go before that.

"You want some help getting back?" he asks quietly. I nod my head knowing my legs are too weak. "Same time Wednesday Chlo?"

"Of course," she says solemnly. "Keep running though those exercises Heero."

"I will," I answer before I am scooped up into the strong arms of the captain of the Redstar ship. I glare at him but he just smirks in return. He carries me all the way back to my room and I silently thank God no one saw.

Once there he settles me down on my bed and takes the seat which Jason occupies across the room. He sits in silence for a moment before he speaks.

"I take it you're a friend of Relena's?" he murmurs. I look up at him surprised before shrugging my shoulders. "I thought as much." I frown.

"You don't seem like the master criminal who would be as crazy as to still her ship - I know she has connections."

"Hai," I whisper back all of a sudden feeling extremely tired. I hear him rise from his seat and move towards the door.

"Oh and Heero, a friend of Relena's is always a friend of ours," and with that he leaves and I promptly fall asleep before I have time to think about his comment.

This time I'm back in the forest of pine trees and I can hear the twitter of birds in the distance.

**TBC...**

Hey everybody, thank you for everyone who reviewed last time. I'm glad you liked. I know it may seem that Heero may never get better at the moment but don't worry + got some more info about these 'space pirates' coming up + of course more Duo

For those of you waiting for the next chapter of the deal it will be released soon :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't

**Additional A/N**: Some people have been reviewing/emailing asking about the pairings in this fic. I don't really want to give the ball away, but this is a 1X2 fic as all my fics will ever be Just keep tight and enjoy the ride.

**Chapter 7**

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like without the war, Odin and J. Where would I be right now?

Today has made me wonder because all I've seen are teenagers my age, all of them happy as they joke around with each other going in-between classes. They've all got sparkles of joy in their eyes as if they've got no worries in the world. Or perhaps they've just accepted their fate.

Like Chloe thought it didn't take long for my leg to start to heal and within 2 weeks I could walk on it again with a limp. About 3 days ago Jason began giving me the grand tour of the enormous ship. So far we've covered the canteens, and the shops. Yeah that's right I've been shopping. The west side of the third floor of the ship holds a number of shops housing handmade items such as clothes, hats, bags and shoes.

Jason had been given some money to buy me some clothes. I in the end brought 2 pairs of jeans and a couple of t-shirts. It's like the ship has its own economy. It's very weird and fascinating at the same time.

In between these explorations I visited Chloe again. My leg has actually begun to feel as good as new. Maybe in the long run looking after myself is a good thing.

Grey has attended every physiotherapy session, however not always participating and trying to help. Most of the time he stands at the back of the room acting almost like a permanent fixture within the darkness. Like a shadow of a ghost watching over us. I can always feel his eyes on me like a 6th sense. It's unnerving.

Chloe's only asked me twice about my dreams since the first session. I still will not budge – even I refuse to think about them while I'm awake, though I will never tell her that.

On today's tour around the Redstar Jason as brought me to the school. The only time I have ever been to school was during the war. I feel my heart skip as I think of the time I'd stayed with Duo on Earth. He used to call me a brown noser always answering and doing what the teacher asked for. The thing is I think I knew more than the teachers, plus who would look twice at someone doing what they were supposed to be doing at school. Duo always treated going to school like it was taking a vacation from the war. He was a terrible listener and a fidget.

This morning it's made me wonder if I could have ever turned out like the hundreds of students I've seen or if I ever could now. Compared to them I feel and look like an emotionless stone. Who would want to be friends with someone who's empty, who can't even smile? Lately I've had nothing to smile about – only the irony of my fucked up life destined to be alone. I envy them.

Sometimes I find myself almost wishing my life had taken a different course until I realise that someone else would have had to be in my place. I would never burden that on anyone.

I can feel their eyes on me as Jason leads me through the corridors. I can hear their silent whispers as they huddle in groups. I feel so tense that if someone tried to bend me I'd instantly snap into two. A few of them even jump out the way as if I'd harm them if they grew to close.

I trail behind Jason until we reach the quieter part of the school and before I know it we're in a large library. I have to double take as I look up at the millions and millions of rows of books and book shelves. They're like bursts of loud colour within the dull quite room. There are just a few students wondering idly through the aisles. It's so silent I can hear my blood rushing through my veins.

During the war I did a lot of reading, travelling through space took up a lot of time. J prescribed that I read every book I could get my hands on portraying people's opinions on the war. He once gave me a book about the human emotions. At the time I felt it was a pointless thing to read and I ended up chucking it in the trash at one of the shuttle ports in between L3 and L4. Now I wish I'd read it, maybe it would have shed some light on what Duo and I shared.

As we stop Jason turns to me and grins, "wait here I've just gotta go find something," He wonders off leaving me standing by a large computerised version of the Solar System.

As I stand and wait I find myself mesmerised by the planets as they slowly drift around each other and the Sun in the middle glowing a bright hot yellow. Reaching forward I lay my hand out and watch as Jupiter flies straight through my palm turning my hand temporarily blue.

"It's wonderful isn't it," I hear a croaky old voice say before I feel a presence at my side. "My husband built it; he's a terribly clever programmer. He gave it to me for our Wedding Anniversary. He said it was his version of giving me the universe."

I glance out the corner of my eye to see a small old woman with greying brown hair pulled up into a loose bun tied with a simple black band. Her face is pale and thin with small wrinkles around her eyes while she has a touch of blusher on her predominant cheek bones.

"It's beautiful," I whisper surprising myself as I watch Mars waft towards me. The holographic partials spraying over the palms of my hands like speckles of coloured rain drops.

"It's a great way to get the younger ones to listen," she continues. "To them it should be basic knowledge to know about the solar system and the planets, even if they never get to set foot on the most important."

For some unknown reason I feel my stomach knot at the thought.

"Do you like space?" she asks looking intrigued. I find myself wondering over the question. I always found greater satisfaction within space. The feeling of no gravitation and having the whole universe to explore excites me in a way. It was the one place I felt at home during the war. The sense of silence and peace made me wish for freedom from all the fighting.

"I like the silence," I murmur thinking back to the days in the war when I'd fly out on my own. The silence did wonders back then.

"My husband says the same thing," she smiles. "Space to me is a blank canvas full of possibilities. It's the only place I feel free to decide what I want to do – like how I'm going to paint my own canvas. And you don't have to pay those god awful taxes!"

I snort as I watch the moon rotate around the Earth as it begins to tilt in a different direction.

"Don't you miss the colonies and Earth?"

"Sometimes," she says but she doesn't look upset about her fate. She smiles, "but like my mother used to say, there's no point crying over split milk – it's the young ones I worry about. They watch all these TV programs about the Earth and the wildlife – I feel for them."

"Hn,"

"So what were you doing out in space?" she asks suddenly.

I feel my heart skip a beat as I turn back to the display. I watch as the smaller versions of the colonies rotate around the Earth my eyes lingering on the one I ran from over 3 months ago. I briefly find myself wondering if anyone has even noticed I've gone or if anyone cares. Relena's probably wondering where I've taken her ship too – the thing is I don't really know myself.

"I guess I was trying to find a way to paint my own canvas."

"Any luck?"

I kind of snort at the possibility and I see her face drop and look almost sad for a moment.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Hn."

"Are you a risk taker?"

I frown for a moment remembering back to the war, how before I met Maxwell I calculated everything to perfection. There would be nothing I would do which wouldn't have a logical explanation. But then I met him and began to get sloppy. The amount of time's I risked my life to save his. But now – I don't do anything – because I don't have him.

"I used to be," I murmur "I haven't for a long time."

"Well there's your problem! You need to take risks. Maybe you should let go a little – consider the impossible, do something you've never done before. Man cannot discover new galaxies unless he's got the courage to lose sight of the one he's in. Maybe then you'll be able to paint your canvas."

"It's harder - than you think," I murmur thinking over my own words. I've never been able to let go on my own accord. Since when did everything get so hard?

"It's hard for everyone, it's just that some people need some direction and a little push," she smiles before turning towards the library. "Do you read?"

"When I have the time,"

"Well I have some great books, you should have a look around – I guess I could draw up a temporary library card for you."

"Thanks I guess."

"No problem, just come over to the desk when you've found one. If you feel inspired I would suggest looking over in that section." She points to a secluded part of the Library. I nod and watch as she wonders away taking a few books from the shelves besides her as she does.

I wonder through a couple of aisles picking up old battered books reading the backs and then putting them back none of them really capturing my interest. I see Jason down one of the aisles with a mountain of books around him. All of them seem to be about pod or shuttle mechanics. He looks so engrossed in his findings that he doesn't notice my brief presence.

A few more turns later I find myself in a more secluded part with a few books which look like they haven't been touched for a few years. I run my hand over a few and feel the dust stick to the tops of my fingers. I stop however, as I notice one, I feel my brows furrow as I pick it up and dust off the cover. The title stands out and I find myself almost smiling at the memory.

The book is titled 'Wings'. Trowa had read some of it to me after I'd self destructed.

/

"_I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing - " I hear Trowa's whispering voice as I struggle to breath my painfully broken and bruised ribs sending a shearing pain through my body like waves of torture. His green eyes glance over at me, his brows furrow. "Never give up."_

_I let my eyes slide over to him; he shifts his back to the book. I take in his protective stance even within the company of a wounded soldier. I can see the knife poking out the top of his boot. Would he ever be able to sit without fear of an attack? Would I? I have a gun underneath my pillow. It makes him nervous. _

_Slowly his green eyes rise to meet mine – they look almost empty, but I can see the embers of a burning fire at the back of them. He's nearly given up, just like I nearly did – or have._

"_We must never give up," he says more forcefully. "__Many of__ life's__failures are from people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."_

"_I haven't."_

"_You did." I feel my eyes narrow and my fingers twitch for the gun under my pillow. Trowa's always been the one to point out the obvious truth. I feel my failure wash through me like a tidal wave and I've never felt so pathetic. _

"_Never give up Yuy," He says closing the book in his lap. "You're too important." _

_I want to give up. "You don't know –" _

"_Life's not easy for any of us," he says looking slightly angry however the look disappears as quickly as it comes. Trowa's never been the one for expressing his true feelings as open as others "but you've got to keep going – you've got to keep fighting."_

"_I wish I could."_

"_I'll make sure you do," his green eyes drift away from mine as he gracefully moves from his seat towards the window overlooking the trailer park his trailer is situated in. I watch as he observes whatever is on the other side of the window._

"_You're the strongest out of all of us," he says looking sadly down at the table top. "I know you can't just stand there and watch us burn. It's not who you are." _

_I sit there for moment thinking about him and the other pilots, about the war. He's right. I would never give up fighting. No matter how much the back of my mind is slowly getting further and further away from reality. No matter how fucked up I may become, I would never give up. I don't know how. _

/

Trowa's words had stayed with me all the way through the war but somewhere along the way they'd phased away. I'd forgotten – I'd stopped fighting – I'd given up.

Keeping the book in my hand I wonder towards the Library desk finding Jason had returned with a tower of books all piled up on top of each other.

"Hey, you find anything you wanted?" the old librarian asks. I nod and hand over the book. She looks approvingly at the front cover. "A classic."

"Hn," I watch as she swipes it through and prints off a temporary card. "Now make sure you return it before you leave."

"Hai,"

"Hey Heero, could you help me with all of this?" Jason almost groans as he finishes swiping all the books. "I got some research I've got to do. One of the damn pods has stopped working and I can't figure out what the hell is wrong with it."

"I could help," I offer the words leaving my mouth without consent.

"Oh yeah?" One of his blonde eyebrows lifts. "You know mechanics?"

"Hai," I answer wishing I'd never said anything.

"You know much about fuel pumps?"

"Sure,"

"Looks like I won't need these after all Lil!" Jason says happily.

"Don't you be expecting me to put all them back!" the old woman exclaims. I watch as Jason suddenly pulls a puppy dog face. "Oh – Jason, why do you always have to pull that face?"

"Please – "

"Oh fine!" she cries before yanking him on the arm. "Now go and do something fun before he dies of boredom."

"Don't worry I'm going to take him to my most favourite place on the ship."

The librarian raises an eyebrow, "Oh yeah?"

"Work!"

"Oh great," she says dryly before turning to me "– well it's a good job you got that book out."

"Hey!" Jason sticks his tongue out before turning towards me. "Don't listen to her she's just cranky because she has to stay in this bore all day." The old woman, Lil, laughs before strolling off towards one of the large book cases with a trolley full of returned books.

"Cya later boys!"

Jason calls a goodbye before pulling on me to follow him. I follow him down a number of corridors, staircases and more corridors before we reach a small working bay on the bottom floor. The room is lined with red tool boxes and there are a number of utensils discarded on the oil stained floor. There are a number of posters of rock bands covering the white walls and on the far side I notice a large self drawn picture of a pod. It's detailed enough to show each individual panel and the nuts holding them together. All I can smell is the well known and cherished smell of oil and fuel, I almost smile.

"You'd better keep your mouth shut about this since you're not supposed to be down in the hangers," Jason says as he pulls up a large metal shutter.

I feel my eyes widen slightly as I take in the pod revealed before me. From first inspection it looked magnificent, with a custom paint job and modifications to the usual. I see Jason smirk at my reaction.

"Beautiful huh?" he rubs his hand over the shining front. "I built her from scratch, she's my beautiful baby."

"It's great," I feel lame as soon as I say it. The pod is more than great, it's astonishing.

"Wanna see what she's carrying?" he says with a wicked grin and hits a button on the hydraulic lift sending the pod 8 foot in the air. He cocks his head to call me over his blonde hair bouncing as he does. I find myself almost jogging. "I've attached 3 Military AWT200 jet engines to her, it took some working out but she accelerates like a bitch when in space. Landon said I was crazy, he thought I was gonna blow myself into the next galaxy."

"Impressive," I murmur running my hand over on the very, very large engines. They look almost new as if Jason had spent hours cleaning them inside and out. "How often do you take her out?"

"I've only driven her once – to be honest she scared the shit out of me. Chloe thought the ship was on the verge of blowing up when I started her up. Believe me she's so loud the people on the other side of the Redstar can hear her," he chuckles lightly. "But once we're back I'm going to see how fast I can go around the Earth," he smiles with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"Then I guess you're already half way there," I murmur

"Half way where?"

"To becoming the fastest pod racer in space."

"You remember that?" his eyes widen and he looks almost shocked.

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask almost confused by his reaction.

"Well, it's just most people don't listen to me," he says half in a whisper before a slow smile reaches his lips. His dark eyes twinkle, "You think I have a chance?"

"Not if she's the one with the blown fuel pump."

"Yeah – there's always so much that can go wrong with them and in her spec they're pretty hard to come by – well for us," he adds the last bit quietly as he reaches towards a wrench set down by a dirty oil stained cloth. "Last time I took her out she was fine up until I went to return to the ship. It was like she was spluttering as she tried to stay alive just to get me back here. As soon as I touched down she died."

"You got the diagnostics?"

"Sure,"

I don't know how long we spent down there, but like I said before time is useless in space. We talked as we dissected the machine. Every small piece of the overall engine had a story behind it. Like the intercooler pipes were won in a luck hand of poker a few months back. It was fascinating and enjoyable to see Jason so happy and in his element. By the time we'd taken half the engine apart tried to diagnose the problem showing up on his diagnostic screen and cleaned everything to a sparkling result my stomach was growling like no tomorrow.

"You hungry 'Ro?" Jason chuckles as he tries his best to wash off the oil staining his hands.

"Hai," I join him at the sink and he pours some salt into my hands and some washing up liquid. I feel the corners of my mouth twitch up. It's the same way Duo used to try and wash the oil from his hands. He always said there was no need to buy the expensive specially made hand wash. For a moment I feel my mood darken before I put the memory behind the doors which should never be opened – no matter how much I wanted to.

"You think she'll start up fine?" Jason asks turning to gaze upon the beautiful machine.

"If it was the fuel timing then I'm sure,"

"You're a right savour Heero," he slaps his hand on my back. "Where'd you learn to be such a good mechanic?"

I bite my inner lip, "it was a hobby."

"Oh yeah? I started working for OZ when I left school. It wasn't out of choice but I got to work on mostly Leo's and Taurus's. Though it was never enough," I glance at him out of the corner of my eye to see him with a shimmer in his. "I always wanted to get my hands on those Gundam's just to see what was under their armour. Especially Wing Zero I could spend the rest of my days dissecting that machine."

I snort and almost laugh at the irony.

"What? Hey don't laugh at me we can all dream right?" he exclaims, "Those machines were built to perfection. I do envy the pilots who got to drive one."

"I wouldn't." I murmur too lightly for him to hear as he picks up his jacket off the work bench were he left it earlier. I also pick up my library book.

"I wonder what happened to them after the war,"

"They probably self detonated them."

"Crazy fools," Jason murmurs. "I'm hoping one day I will come across the remainders."

Yeah if you look at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean

"Like I said I can dream," he sighs and leads the way back to the upper deck of the ship. By the time we reach the canteen luckily most people had gotten their food and retreated to their usual seats. I pick up a tray and grab a healthy meal of fish and vegetables. It's baffling to think where the hell they pull all this food from.

I'm nearly falling asleep as I listen to Jason continue his babble and I can now feel the dull ache in my leg rising. He walks me back to my room as he usually does and says good night.

I slump down on my bed placing my library book on my bedside table. I tiredly pull off my soiled with oil clothes, quickly jump in the shower and within 15 minutes I'm in bed and fast asleep. I dream about pod cars and shuttles - about the days when I had Wing to myself to work on and had a couple of free days between my missions. The days when within the raging war I found some peace – if that's what you can call it – and I was almost happy.

I hear Trowa's voice – 'Never give up' – and for the first time in a while I don't want to.

**TBC...**


	8. Chapter 8

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't

**Chapter 8**

It takes me 2 days to finish reading 'Wings'. I remember now how inspirational it had been and how I'd felt after Trowa had read it to me for the first time. Trowa had once said it helped him through his darker days with the Mercenary group when all he had to hold onto was hope of better things to come. He once said 'Never give up searching for your light at the end of the tunnel' – I suppose Quatre was his, I thought at one point Duo was mine.

Trowa kept the book on him at all times, he swore by its hopes, its passion to keep on driving forward. Now I envy his life, his happiness.

The writer of the book was a solider during the real Heero Yuy life time. It follows his thoughts and feelings as he tries to battle for what it right – peace, harmony, forgiveness.

He died in battle just after his 23rd birthday.

His friend published the book.

I set 'Wings' on my night stand before deciding to perform some strengthening exercises for my leg. My muscles no longer feel like tight bands refusing to stretch but more elasticated and free.

A few minutes later there's a soft knock on my door and I instantly know it's not Jason. His has a certain ring to it as he knocks out the current tune he's got stuck in his head. This time however it's three carefully placed knocks in the centre of the door and it causes me to frown.

I rise from the floor and almost tip toe over to the door. I can feel my stomach flutter as I begin to wonder who it could be. I haven't had much interaction with anyone on this ship apart from Jason. Most have been too afraid to approach or scowl at me with the look of most utter hate.

I slide open the door and instantly I feel the well known gaze of the Captain on me. His green eyes look angered but controlled. He's wearing a tight dark blue t-shirt and cargo pants. His thick, dark hair is swooped low nearly covering his piercing green eyes. My eyes trail his tattoos.

"Good morning Heero," he says his voice as smooth as silk. "Can I come in?"

I feel my eyes narrow slightly however I move to the side for him to slide past. He wonders into the middle of the room looking at everything and anything as if searching for something which I've been hiding from him.

Finally he turns to me, "Have a nice trip down to the hanger the other day?"

The tone in his voice is dangerous and instantly I know I'm in trouble. I glare at him before I shrug my shoulders, "Jason needed some help."

"Jason's in the sin bin for the rest of the week," the Captain answers curtly. Even though he says I'm not their prisoner doesn't mean he can't treat me like one. "Have you ever heard of the saying don't shit where you eat?" His eyes narrow "I told you that you were not allowed near the hangers until I said so."

"Hiding something Captain?" I ask almost in a sneer. His green eyes spark with anger. "Did I nearly see something I wasn't supposed to?"

He growls low in his throat like a lion, "The existence of anything on this ship is for the good of the people aboard it."

"I'd like to remind you of sector 1458 of United Earth and Colony Peace policies."

"Hate to break it to you Yuy," he snaps taking a bold step forward. My mind instantly notes how there is a slight clink as his boot hits the floor. He must have a knife tucked in there. "But your people have made it perfectly clear that we're not exactly part of that union."

"And from you, I can see perfectly clear why." I spit in anger. His eyes darken and narrow.

"You don't know what its like," he snarls moving towards me. I can feel the muscles in my back begin to tense. "To be stuck in space – the first few weeks it almost felt like we were on vacation," he says as he strolls carefully around me. I can feel his hot tempered body heat radiating onto mine burning my skin to cinders.

"But soon you begin to realise that you will never be able to breathe fresh air again, that you will never see the place you called home. Some of us went a bit crazy." He stops close enough to send off alarm bells in my head. He whispers close to my ear, his breath tickling across my neck. "You're lucky it was us who picked you up in space."

I clench my hands and whisper through my teeth, "You know I never wanted to be saved."

He's silent for a moment his piercing green eyes drinking me in as if I'm some complicated puzzle he's trying to work out.

"Who are you?" he asks rounding to face me again. I remain silent. I can begin to feel myself getting agitated by his stare. All I want to do is run away from it, for him to never look at me as if he can see straight through me. "I'm getting pretty sick of the whole Heero Yuy charade."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say

"You call yourself after an assassinated Colony leader – why would you do that?" He frowns and I say nothing. "What would make a man drive out into the middle of space and want to kill himself?"

I swallow a lump in my throat.

"I've had my men look into you – to try and find one shred of information about you. All they found was this one picture," he digs into his pocket and pulls out a picture of me and Relena. It's from just after the second war. I'm being carried on a stretcher into the hospital and Relena is at my side. She has her petite hands clasped around mine, a look of worry on her face.

Then my stomach lurches and I almost drop the picture to the floor. Amongst the reporters and civilians I can just make out a familiar figure wearing a long dark coat. A long, thick braid pulled over one shoulder and a cap pulled low across its shadowed face.

Duo?

He was there?

He came to the hospital?

I was only there for a couple of hours. We had to travel at night to Relena's palace to avoid the publicity. Then Boxing Day he was gone. Like a tumbling wave the well known feelings of regret, loneliness and sorrow swallow me up.

I suddenly become breathless and cold. I crumple to the floor as if I've turned to dust.

Why would he come to the hospital and then leave without saying goodbye?

I clench my teeth in anger.

"Heero?" I hear Grey's voice as a distant muffle. "Calm down."

I feel him place a hand on my shoulder and it burns through my t-shirt like hot fire. I instantly jump and the next thing I know I have the Captain pinned to the wall. I have his arms twisted above his head in a very painful direction. If I pushed just a little further I would break his arms in 7 places.

A second later he jabs his knee into my wounded leg. I stumble backwards and fall over the chair while knocking my lamp off my bedside table. It smashes to the floor sending sparkling shards of porcelain everywhere. I land with a thump and a groan.

"Let's make one thing clear," Grey says as he rubs at his sore arms. "I may have said that we always release our guests without harm, but if you ever try and pull a stunt like that again I will kill you."

I glare at him with a passion that I'd never felt before as he wonders over and holds out a hand to help me up. Instead I ignore it and pull myself up with a little pain.

"Captain if anything like that happens again let me assure you it won't be you killing me." I snarl.

He chuckles amusingly in response, "Even after I saved your life? Man you're harsh."

The glare I shoot him could melt iron.

"I gotta admit you're fast," he says looking impressed as I hobble over to my bed. "And stronger than I thought you'd be."

"You're not as alert as I thought you'd be," he smirks at my comment.

"How's the leg?"

"Sore," I mumble. I'm not going to lie, the bastard knew exactly the right place to hit it and with what force so not to damage it to the extent it was in a couple of weeks ago.

"I guess – that wasn't a good time for you," he says as he bends to pick up the picture. "If you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

I sit for a moment debating if I should say anything he is after all a criminal. However it doesn't take me long sigh in defeat, "I was in a bad shape after the Mariemaia incident."

"You were a solider?"

"Wasn't everybody?" I answer. "The wars forced everyone to fight for their lives not just their beliefs."

Grey nods his head in agreement. He pulls up the chair I'd fallen over and sets it back against the desk. I pull my leg up on the bed and inspect the damage. At least he'd been kind enough not to hit me right where he shot me.

"When we first found out we were damned on this ship it felt like everything we fort for was a waste," he spoke. "We lost our homes, our lives – family. There are people I love who I will never see again."

"I'm sorry."

"You can understand why some of us feel the way we do."

I feel his gaze and look up. Under his dark lashes the green is a brilliant halo around his pupils.

"Heero – the people on this ship are my family. We all look out for each other – I can't put them in a position where they could get hurt. That's why I need you to respect my rules and regulations."

I feel a frown grace my face, "You would do anything for them, wouldn't you."

"I would die for the people on this ship."

"There's no room for emotions on the battle field."

"There's always room for passion and determination on the battlefield," he says looking almost shocked at my words. "How could you not fight with any emotion? How can you kill someone without caring?"

I feel like I've just been stung. I drop my head in shame. I killed with no feeling, wanting to feel no regret or remorse. But all the years I've been fighting it, when it's all over that's all you can feel and it eats you alive until there's nothing left.

"Heero?"

"You know when you said I was lucky you found me," I ask instead trying to pull the attention away from my fucked up life. "What did you mean?"

Grey looks uncomfortable for a second before taking a seat on the desk.

"Like I said before some of us went a little crazy after spending the first few months in space," he says. "The colony kind of split into two halves – you have us, and then you have the others."

"The others are lead by a man named Alistair Flint – they are the people who give us a bad name. They steal and hijack other ships. They don't deserve to have access onto Earth and the colonies. It's just that the union can't exactly grant us access without them."

"How come you didn't turn crazy?"

He sighs before rubbing a tired hand across his face.

"The difference between us and them is that we have faith. Someday, even if it's not in this century our people will set foot on the Colonies and Earth again."

"You really believe that?"

"I do," he says, "They gave up on that dream months back – and for some of them there's no turning back." He sighs and rises from his perch while beginning to put the picture back in his pocket.

I feel my heartbeat raise, "Wait-"

He raises an eyebrow questioningly.

"Can I keep it?"

"Sure – just make sure you don't have a fit every time you look at it. I haven't got the time to stand and watch you're every move," he answers handing the picture over. I gratefully take it and place it on my night stand next to 'Wings'.

"I appreciate it." He offers me a curt nod before making his way towards the door.

"Jason won't be able to show you around the ship for the next couple of days," he explains. "So I've taken it into my liberty to be your chaperon." I almost groan at the idea. I don't think I can stand being around him for the whole day, I can feel the tension ripping through my muscles.

"My legs feeling a bit weak today," I answer

He grins mockingly before continuing, "Maybe tomorrow then."

"Maybe," I murmur hating the thought of it.

"I'll be at your door by 8, be ready we've got a lot of work to do."

"Work?"

"It's a well known fact that if anybody on this ship breaks a rule they have to pay for it," Grey explains. "And I'm making no exceptions for you. Jason's currently working in the kitchens. To him it's the worst place he could possibly be at the moment surrounded by food that he can't eat."

"Where are we going?"

"I don't want to spoil the surprise," he smiles secretly. "Oh and there should be a dust pan and brush under the bathroom sink. We don't want you hurting those feet of yours before tomorrow." He leaves the room pulling the door closed behind him.

I'm left in a deafening silence with the sound of my blood thumping through my veins. I soon find myself picking up the fuzzy old photograph and my eyes landing on Duo's shaded face. The only picture I have of him.

"What are you doing Duo?" I whisper as I run a finger over his blurry face. Why would he bother to see if I was alright? He's never bothered before. I didn't think he even cared.

I swallow a lump in my throat.

If he did, when did he stop?

**TBC...**


	9. Chapter 9

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To pent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: **I thought of this idea while listening to Rihanna's song 'Rehab' and it all just came pouring out. It's going to be a multi-part fic; some chaps will have some of the lyrics to the song at the start while others won't

**Chapter 9**

The next morning I wake early with an unsettling feeling deep in the pit of my stomach and for the first time in a while I wish I had a spare cigarette. No doubt it's down to the picture currently resting against the night light on my bedside table tormenting me to no end. I just wish it was a clear print allowing me to gain a look at the expression on his face.

I spend an hour studying it with a million questions coming to mind.

Why was he there?

Was he worried about me?

Did he plan to reach me before Relena submitted me to Hell (hospital)?

Maybe I've been staring at the faded photograph for far too long because I swear I can see some concern wrinkling his faded face. But he couldn't have been concerned - he'd run half way across the universe before I'd even had the all ok.

I shake my head. Maybe he only wanted to see if I was alive before leaving. Duo always seemed to think I had super healing powers.

I place the photograph back on my night stand, turning it wrong side up. I silently rub my sore leg as I recall Greys words of his faith to step on the Earth and Colonies again – I wish in some way I felt the same. At the moment I feel empty. After the small glimmer of hope after reading "Wings" seeing the photograph of Duo has completely shot my nerves.

I get up and stretch before heading for a shower. I strip out of my pyjama bottoms on the way and hang them over the desk chair. As I found out when I first showered everything in the small bathroom gets soaked.

As I step under the steaming spray and begin to wash myself down something Grey said last night niggles at the back of my mind.

Why hasn't the issue of colony X18999 inhabitants been dealt with already? I frown grabbing some body wash. Surely that would be one of the first things to be resolved in a time of peace.

What's stopping the union from processing new passports? I carefully wash my wounded leg.

The whole situation seems preposterous, why would the newly reformed union not want to resolve a matter this serious as quickly as possible?

It's almost as if they want to forget the ex-colony X18999 residences existed. Maybe they don't care that over a million of people are stuck drifting in space just waiting.

The thought makes my blood boil, after everything we fort for civilians are still being taken advantage of. Or maybe they have something more pressing on their agenda. If that's the case I wonder what it could be.

By the time I've jumped out the shower and quickly dressed there is a careful knock on my door.

I rapidly pull on my boots made by a local tailor down in the ships shopping centre and almost sigh in annoyance of the whole situation as I move to open the door.

If only I hadn't of told Jason I was good with mechanics I could have avoid having to spend the whole day with the Captain who makes me... I run a hand through my wet hair. Nervous? No. More uneasy, he's hard to read unlike Jason.

I pull the door open quickly. For almost a second Grey seems taken back, his green eyes flicker up to my still wet hair and then down to meet my gaze.

"Good Morning Heero," he says finally. His lip curls in amusement as he notices my annoyance that he is forcing me out today. "You ready for a hard days labour?"

"More than I'll ever be," I mumble taking a step out into the corridor and closing my cabin door behind me. Today he's wearing a dark blue long sleeved top with some well lived in faded jeans. What throws me however are the horrible dark green willies he's chosen to wear.

I frown, "What exactly are we doing?"

"Don't ask questions just follow," he orders like he would do with any other person on his ship. I wonder silently what quality he brought forward to win the position as Captain of the RedStar.

He strides off towards the South end of the ship and I nearly have to struggle to keep up with his long strides. As I become level with him I see a smirk briefly cross his features and I instantly know he's set the pace just to see me struggle in the condition I'm in. Bastard.

We travel down a number of corridors getting deeper into the monstrous ship. He smiles politely and says 'Good Morning' to everyone we pass. In response he receives what a respected Captain would– 'Good Morning Captain Grey' and a bow. I'm amazed at how everyone seems to admire him in some way or another and in this instance keep to formalities. I honestly can't see myself doing that in this life time.

What does amuse me however is the look of wonder and lust he gains from most females we cross. They seem to become flustered and uneasy in his presence. Most fluttering their eye lashes to try and gain his attention. I guess being the Captain he's probably seen as the catch of the colony – that's assuming his single.

I don't bother to hide my smirk as I see a look of irritation cross his features as a small red head smiles flirtatiously towards him. His mood darkens and he scowls as he notices how amusing I'm finding it all. Serves you right Grey for making me strain my leg.

It's another 20 minutes before we reach a large elevator. Stepping in Grey orders it sternly to the 8th floor. The lift complies. We stand in a deafening silence as I ponder over where he's taking me. I never know what to expect when around Captain Grey – especially when he's in wellies.

I take a peak in his direction and notice how good his posture is. His tattoos have trickled into view from where his long sleeved top has risen up his arm. Once again I'm mesmerised by them.

The ping of the elevator doors opening makes me jump and curse quietly to myself.

"You ok?" he asks looking amused as hell. I scowl in return and turn away from him. Arsehole.

It takes me a moment to even register what I am staring at on the other side of the elevator doors. I hear a gasp escape my mouth. I blink and then blink again. How can this even be possible?

I turn to the Captain who has a smug look on his face. His green eyes twinkle with pride. He says nothing but cocks his head towards the exit indicating for me to go first.

I move slowly and unsure, as I cross the threshold I hear my boots crunch down onto freshly cut grass. For the first time in my life I am in shock. My mouth is hanging wide open and I apply no effort to hide the fact that what I see in front of me is beyond belief.

I feel as if I've just stepped off the RedStar and onto Earth.

Suddenly the wellies make sense.

What looks like acres of land lye in front of my eyes half covered by millions of vegetable patches. Now it makes sense how the kitchens are constantly supplied with fresh vegetables and fruits. I watch stricken as hundreds of crew members work their fingers to the bone digging for potatoes, picking runner beans and all sorts whilst planting new ones as they go along.

The other half of the land is covered by millions of fruit trees and a small meadow housing a number of different animals. A small, sparkling river runs through the middle. Rushing sounds of the flowing water echo through the huge domed room. The smell of the rich green grass reaches my senses and for almost a second I forget we are on a ship in the middle of God knows where.

The ceiling has been replicated like any other colony showing a bright blue sky on a beautiful summer's day. Even a slight breeze has been simulated to gush through the room; I feel it gently lift my over grown hair reminding me that I will have to cut it sometime soon.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I wrap my arms around myself. Another gust of wind rushes past and ripples up my t-shirt causing small goose pimps to rise on my arms. I let out a sigh as I try to imagine it wiping away all my angst from this morning.

When I come back to reality I find the Captain standing in front of me. His green eyes trained on my face boring into me whilst trying to knock through the walls I've been building for the past few months. It's his inquisitive, probing eyes that make me uneasy.

I feel my cheeks heat up at my major over reaction for the fake simulation. I guess I'm missing Earth more than I thought. Then the realisation hits me that this is what everyone on this ship must be feeling. I can go back any time I want but they are stuck here.

I feel anger swirl in the pit of my stomach as I see the longing in Grey's eyes as he turns to look back out at the planes before us.

It's not fair.

"What is this?" I ask finally

"The RedStar used to be a carrier to aid planet terraformation and the creation of the colonies," he informs. "That's why she's so big; the manual labour to build a colony goes into the millions. The crew would be stuck in space for years building –" he trails off, I can feel angst radiating off him.

"Did you help build the colonies?" I ask intrigued and wondering how the hell he came in possession of this ship.

His green eyes flicker towards me for a second, "Between being a soldiers', yes, we all did – colony X18999 only managed to house its creators before it was shut down."

My stomach twists at the thought. Everyone on this ship was just working toward building a new home for people to live on. I feel shame towards the world I've come from.

Then it dawns on me something Relena had said to me when she'd collected me from the hell hole I'd built for myself on Earth: _"the colony was never built properly as it was only supposed to last a couple of years before it was dropped on Earth" _

Did they know about this? They must have, they were the ones building the damned thing.

Does that mean Grey was involved with Operation Meteor?

Did he know the colonies purpose?

Were they all involved?

I wonder how they would feel about housing one of the Gundam Pilots who thought against their plan to kill millions of people and take over the world. I feel my teeth grit in anger and suddenly I don't feel like socialising with the criminals of the RedStar.

They must have known.

"Come," I hear Grey speak again and I have to resist from scowling at him. "We've got work to do."

He leads me out into the vegetable patches and we weave our way through tall bean stalks and strawberry bushes. I can feel tension in my back as I feel the eyes of all the workers on me as I follow the Captains determined strides. Once again I notice Grey has drawn most of the female workers attention.

If they were all involved in Operation Meteor is that the reason why they're being denied access to Earth and the Colonies?

Is it their punishment to be stuck in space for the rest of their lives?

Grey's voice cuts sharply through my thoughts "Since Jason's in the kitchen I only saw it fitting that you work in the vegetable fields. You will take the place of Kieran Taylor. He's recently been admitted to hospital for an operation so his return date at the moment is unforeseeable."

"Yes Sir," I murmur mockingly with anger still swirling in my stomach. He glances over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

"You will be working with his sister Robyn in the potato fields; she will guide you on what to do." I notice as he says her name there's a hint of warmth in his voice.

"No problem," I murmur suddenly hating the thought of having to work closely with someone who probably hates my guts. And from the looks I've been gaining I don't think my presence here is very welcome.

Anyway why would I need guidance on how to dig for potatoes? Surely the dumbest person in the whole universe could do that blind folded. He's probably placed me with her so she can keep an eye on me. I scowl towards the man in front of me. If that's the case then what's he doing?

"What are you doing?" I ask my tone sounding slightly bitter

Grey once again glances over his shoulder at me, his green eyes briefly reaching mine.

"Supervising, helping where needed" he explains vaguely before turning towards where a girl with long copper hair is crouched on the muddy ground digging most likely for potatoes.

"Robyn!" he calls out causing her head to snap up.

Robyn Taylor has large grey eyes which look too big for her small face. Her skin is pale but healthy however at the moment the majority of it is covered in dirt she'd accidently wiped on herself. I notice how small her frame is as she stands to greet the captain. She's wearing old jean dungarees and a ripped black t-shirt underneath. She also is wearing green wellies.

"Landon!" she salutes with a wink and I see a fleeting grin cross Grey's features. He obviously does not mind this woman. "Brought me a slave for the day?" She turns to me and most blatantly checks me out. Her large eyes run up and down me in approval before turning back to Grey. "I approve!"

"Heero I'd like you to meet Robyn Taylor, she's head supervisor of our vegetable plantation" Grey explains. Robyn holds out her hand however drops it as I attempt to make no move to receipt. I nod a hello instead and she accepts it seemingly unfazed.

"Hope you had a good night's sleep Heero cus you're in for a hard day's work," she says with a smile. "We have some potatoes in season that need to be dug up ASAP before Landon has a break down when he realises there's no chips on the menu." She sticks her tongue out towards the young Captain who rolls his eyes.

"On that note I'll leave you two to it," he announces before making a quick getaway.

Robyn smiles at me, "come I'll find you a spare trowel."

A few minutes later she has me crouched down on the soil explaining which lines of potatoes need to be dug and which ones need to wait until next season – whenever that is. I wonder what day of the week it is – or in fact what month it is.

"You should find the spuds around 7 inches down," Robyn concludes

"How far does the soil go down?" I asked generally interested as I pick up a load in my hand and watch it fall freely through my fingers.

"Around 4 feet, isn't it amazing how something like this can exist on a space ship?"

"Incredible, I assume this was here before – well you know," I say my voice trailing off

"Before we were out casted?" she says amused with how uncomfortable I have become. I nod.

"Yes," she continues, "the RedStar was built around 5 years ago. Landon designed and created this room with the help of myself straight out of university. It was the first of her kind. Over 500,000 people worked to build this ship over 3 years."

I frown at the thought. Grey created this room?

"Landon majored in some weird ass degree which allowed him to envision and create an environment which would be able to sustain travel on a space craft. He told me once that there was a difference between the physics of an environment based on a colony than on a spaceship – not that I remember any of that hard core scientist shit." I smile.

"He was one of the core creators of the RedStar. He has a talent for mechanics as well – amazing huh?"

I have to blink in surprise, "Yes."

"I just helped pick out the right things to plant at the right times – I'm very green fingered. I used to be L3's best gardener." I see a glint of pride in her eyes as she remembers back. "I made my name there by organising how the colony would be landscaped to make the most of the space. Landon caught drift of my talent and hired me for his little project"

So he was involved in the whole project– he must have known about Operation Meteor.

"Has the ship always been this big?"

"We've built upon it since X18999 which is why she's so large now. At the start there were more of us before – well – before the others left." She turns away and starts to stab at the ground with her trowel and I know instantly she doesn't want me to question about the others.

I begin to dig and within a few hours I've gathered hundreds of potatoes. It's weird to think a few months ago I would never have thought I'd be here on the RedStar ship digging up potatoes. Not that I really thought about my future much at all or now. What am I going to do when I leave?

I really don't want to return to the pit of sorrow I'd dug myself on Earth. Maybe I could go travelling and see the world and colonies. During the war I went to many places but never had the time to appreciate it. All of my time was spent planning for missions and making sure my cover was not being blown by some braided Baka. I curse to myself – I will not think about him.

Is this what my life is coming to?

Why can't I think about him without feeling pain?

By the time I return to my room that night I feel exhausted and stupid. I haven't done anything all day except sit on the floor and dig. Maybe thinking about Duo has completely wiped me out and drained all the energy from my body.

If the people on this colony can accept that they are to live in space for the unforeseeable future, why can't I accept the fact that me and Duo were never meant to be?

For some unknown reason, maybe it's down to my tiredness or my frustration, I sit on my bed and allow myself to let go. I feel one tear slowly trickle down my face and my breathing become haggard.

I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to accept and move on. If I can't then how can I ever begin to plan my future? I can't keep thinking about what could have been or what I could have done to make him want to stay with me.

With a huge deep breath I get up and grab the picture of Duo from my night stand. I can't keep staring at this picture wondering why he was there and if he was concerned.

With great emotional strength I rip it into two and then into quarters and continue to rip until my only picture of Duo is lay in my lap as little tiny centimetre squares.

Months, years even, of grieving for someone who does not want you surely can't be healthy. I know this; I've been thinking it ever since he left with Hilde after the war.

Gathering up the pieces I wonder into the bathroom and hover my hand over the toilet. I feel my heart skip a beat.

"I need to let you go Duo," I whisper. With a gasp of pain I let go of the ripped remains. I flush the chain quickly afterwards and watch the pieces swirl around before disappearing.

It takes me a moment to register what I have just done and the significance of it.

One small step at a time – just like my physio with Chloe.

I turn and find myself staring into the bathroom mirror. A few months ago I vowed never to look at myself in the mirror again. I remember seeing how empty I looked. I had nothing; I'd given up hope of anything.

I almost have to double take as I stare at myself now. Faintly I can see a light in my eyes burning and fighting for life. It reminds me of the way Trowa looked after my self destruction.

_Never give up_.

A smile tugs on my lips.

For the first time in a while I sleep deeply.

**TBC...**

Hey guys I have officially over come my writers block! I hope you enjoyed the new chapters, please leave me a review I'd love to hear what you think! Now to get on writting "The Deal" :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To vent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**It's like I checked into Rehab**

**Baby, you're my disease**

**It's like I checked into Rehab**

**Baby, you're my disease**

**Chapter 10**

_Anthropologist Edward T. Hall stated: "The best reason for exposing oneself to foreign ways is to generate a sense of vitality and awareness — an interest in life which can come only when one lives through the shock of contrast and difference."_

The next morning I have conflicted feelings regarding my actions last night. The only picture I have of Duo I rip up and because of what? My anger? My wounded pride? It leaves a sour taste in my mouth for the next few days. My only perk was that I got to see Jason briefly at breakfast one morning later in the week as he was flipping pancakes.

He seemed happy enough to be working there despite not being able to eat any of the food. He was wearing a hair net much to his dismay. This he considered to be the worst part of the job not the bright pink apron he had to wear along with it. He promised he'd come and see me soon which put me in a slightly better mood before my visit to see Chloe. Surprisingly I've been missing his constant presence and chatter.

The last few days have gone fast considering the circumstances. Chloe popped by to give me some weights and access to the hospital gym the morning after my first visit to the fields. Working in the fields has allowed me to keep my mind busy and by the time I've visited the gym, had dinner, showered and changed I'm completely drained and ready for bed. It's strange how digging for potatoes can take all your energy away. But I suppose when there's a job to be done you have to keep chipping away at the dirt – kind of like life really.

On the plus side the constant movement and crawling along the floor has also helped strengthen my leg. It no longer feels like I'm trying to bend a stiff wooden ruler.

"You know Heero you really are amazing," Chloe says with a large smile on her face as she inspects my leg. It's very strange how I can tolerate this woman being so close to me. Physical contact with anyone except Duo I've always found to be excruciating. Compared to the first time she examined me I hardly ever flinch anymore. "I can't believe how much you've improved over such a little amount of time."

"I guess my bodies used to it," I murmur and instantly regret it. She raises a quizzing eyebrow up at me gesturing me to continue. That's another annoying thing about Chloe – my body and mind seem to go on auto pilot when talking to her. "You know because of the war."

"Well you must have been one hell of a solider I've seen your scans," she pulls out a small reflex hammer and taps my knee. "You've broken nearly every bone in your body and the set of your right leg is outrageous."

The memory of Duo saving me comes to mind. I remember jumping out the hospital building and that one second I was willing to let everything go and not pull my shoot. I remember the real person who saved me that day. Yeah Duo busted me out and helped me escape but he was just the arsehole who shot me earlier that day. It was Relena's screams which drew me back to reality. I still owe her for saving my life.

"So," Chloe begins and I instantly sink into my seat. She's going to ask the same question she always does on every visit. "Had any nightmares recently?"

I 'Hn' in her general direction and comment no further. In fact last night I did have a weird dream. I was back in the unknown forest except now I was surrounded by snow. I'd managed to find some human foot prints and followed them but they never took me anywhere and after a while I realised they were my own and I'd been walking round in circles the entire time.

"So you liking working in the fields?" she asks instead once seeing my 'Hn' was all she was gonna get out of me.

"It's something to do," I murmur lightly. "Better than being locked up in my room."

"Ah come on Heero you've never been locked up in there," she scolds as she shuffles her papers around. "We've been the perfect hosts for the whole of your stay so far."

Except for Grey – who obviously likes to shoot his "guests" and then kick them where it hurts.

"I hope you tell Relena how accommodating we've been once you return."

"You know I will Chloe. Thank you for everything you've done to help me."

"It's nothing – I'm actually quite proud of myself. To be honest Heero I didn't think you'd survive when we first pulled you on board. Another day and you'd have been gone."

The news shocks me somewhat however that was my plan. I never intended to return to the colonies or Earth. I had no reason to.

"Just promise me we won't be finding you in another years' time in the same situation," she says with a forceful tone in her voice as if daring me to do it and she would come kill me herself. I nod but I won't voice the promise – I never make a promise I can't keep.

"Do you know how far away we are from the colonies and Earth?" I ask "I'm curious to know when I'll be leaving."

"I think that's a question you need to ask Landon," her reply pisses off my good mood.

Robyn drops by shortly after to escort me back to the fields - she'd taken the morning off to visit her brother.

It's just after midday, I'm guessing from the position of the fake sun in the simulated sky, and it's stifling hot. My mouth feels parched and I can feel sweat slowly trickling from my left brow. I'd emptied my water bottle over an hour ago.

"You ready for lunch Heero?" Robyn calls towards me from where she's sat back on her heels looking as exhausted as I feel. She has her long copper hair pulled back into a high pony tail to keep her cool. It reminds me once again to get my hair cut, my long bangs are stuck to my sweaty forehead and I know my face is covered in soil where I've been trying to push it back. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are glazed with fatigue, I dread to think what I look like.

"Sure," I get to my feet and arch my aching back to crack it back into place. Instantly it feels much better. I try and shake as much soil from my jeans as I make my way towards her and a few others who had decided to come along.

Over the last few days I'd met a few of the other crew members working around me. Some had decided not to work in my presence and had moved team during my punishment. Mostly I've found I'm treated with a kind of mild neglect from the others, as if I were a stray dog wondering around the ship. The friendly ones smile or bow, but beneath their courtesy I detect a deep reservoir of feeling. They are intriguing people - it's a wonder how they could have even been involved in such a plot of revolution.

The crew who had decided to stay in my presence consisted of two English men, Colin and Elliot. Colin is short however stocky with jet black hair and dark, chocolate brown eyes to go with. I noticed instantly how over enthusiastic he is about everything which makes up for Elliot's silence. Elliot on the other hand is the opposite with ice, white blond hair and blue eyes. He's tall and lanky with long, pale limps. I figured during the second day the two were lovers – they can't seem to keep their hands off each other.

To my left are Robyn and two other girls named Paula and Vicky. Vicky is quiet however her mannerisms remind me a lot of Trowa. She works her hardest and hardly ever takes a break. In fact I'm quite surprised to see her tagging along. I guess the heat is getting to all of us. She has shoulder length blonde hair and light grey eyes. Paula is loud - too loud at times. She's a tom boy and has a boyish frame to suit with short chocolate brown hair and pale blue eyes. Surprisingly I don't seem to mind the company of these people not like I would have done 6 months ago.

I follow the crowd as we exit the large fields and into the team member canteen attached. I can hear Paula talking about her ex-boyfriend on our travels. I'd learnt on my first day she thought he was an arsehole – he works in the pea fields.

As we join the queue to get some food my ears prick up on a well-known sound coming from the far end of the room. The sound of a booster canon charging up is too distinct to forget. Instantly my stomach drops.

"Have you seen this part?!" I hear an excited male voice shout

"There's no way it's gonna be able to blow a hole through to them!"

"How do you think they won the war stupid!" another yells. "That beam canon smashes through all their shields."

I've moved without knowledge and found myself standing at the back of the large crowd forming around the projection screen. It's usually used to show some old recorded TV programs but today God knows why they decided to show a recording of my last battle.

I feel my hands begin to shake as I stare at Wing Zero on her last legs. Sparks are flying as she tries to complete her one last fight. All of a sudden I feel as if I'm back there. I can hear the strong gundanaium groaning loudly in protest as it disintegrates. I can feel the heat of the over used engines on my skin. The sounds of Wing's beam canon will always be itched into my mind like a carving into a tree.

"Woaaaaaah!" I hear the crowd awe in amazement as they watch as I continue to send shuddering blasts at the base, accurate to 100th of a unit to be precise.

Wing breaks apart – the scene looks truly amazing to the crowd however no one will ever know the traumatic experience it was to finally see and feel Wing give up the ghost. I remember the agony I felt as my control unit blew up before me and we were thrust to the ground. I didn't think I was going to survive let alone get out and attempt to shoot Mariemia.

"There's no way the pilot survived that," Colin is at my side staring in disbelief at the images on screen. "I've heard about this moment but I've never seen it – it's incredible."

"No body was found on inspection before the suit was destroyed. Myth is that the guy's still alive," another guy countered

"He could have fallen out before the suit hit the ground."

"No dead bodies were found around the battlefield – the Gundam's weren't fighting to kill."

"How do we know it's a guy," Paula snapped. "With that accuracy I'd say it's a girl."

"Sheesh pleasssssseee," Colin rolled his eyes, "as if a woman would be able to do something like that!"

"Excuse me Mr! we women are very capable of the sort! And anyway you'd probably cry at the thought of getting into that thing!"

"That's only because I don't like the feeling of being inside a mobile suit – baby back me up here!" Colin suddenly yells at his other half who is stood solemnly behind him. The argument continues as I watch the video continue to run.

The camera man is trying to make his way over to Wing however what surprises me next is that Deathscythe steps into view. Its long neon green scythe stands in the way of any civilians or soldiers from reaching my damaged suit. All of a sudden I feel over come as I realise Duo is protecting Wing, my most precious possession, my everything, from being tampering with.

"Heero you ok?" I hear Robyn's voice call "Heero? – I think you've gone into shock."

I feel someone gently tug on my arm leading me away from the video stream as it continues to play. Wing is a big burning blasé in the back ground, my old burn scars begin to sting at the memory of the event. Its heart breaking watching it all over again.

"You need to sit down," Robyn orders me into a spare seat facing away from the screen. She sits down opposite me and says sympathetically. "Were you there?"

I nod my head still unable to find my voice. I find it strange how feeble I've become since the end of the war. I should be able to handle this, I survived and we won what is there to be so stressed about? To be honest I've never watched any of my recorded battles, the memories – the smell, the sounds of destructions, the feel of my skin burning – it's almost too much. I don't want to remember.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Robyn says sincerely. "Both wars killed enough of our spirit – we shouldn't have to be reminded to why we are so low in the first place."

I finally raise my eyes to meet hers and I see a look of understanding. Even though she couldn't possible understand exactly what I'm feeling I can see that she's also distressed by the images which dominate the screen.

I notice all of a sudden that the canteen is quiet. The recording has stopped. I look around and find Grey standing next to the projector handling a disk. His eyes are ablaze as he glares at the crowd surrounding. He says nothing and he doesn't have to. I think everyone has gotten the message.

In fact that's when I notice I am not the only one affected by the display. A number of people are being consoled by others. The scene instantly reminds me of a memory. It was just after one of the many battles during the war, but this one was different – it was over within the hour but the casualties were horrific. The many civilians I saw in distress afterwards left me numb.

/

_The first time I saw ash fall from the sky I'd mistaken it for snow. It's only when it lands in your palm and stains your skin black that you realise that what you're experiencing isn't the weather taking a turn for the worst._

_I stare at the scene in front of me; everything is covered in a layer of falling ash. There's only one colour which is distinct beneath the layer of grey dust – Red._

_There's so much blood. _

_People are collapsed on the floor – screams roaring from their mouths but I hear nothing not even my own breathing. All I can focus on are the remaining body parts scattered everywhere – left to rot in the hazy sun. _

"_God damn it!" a voice breaks through the maddening rush around me. "Heero fucking move!" _

_Duo._

_He always has too much optimism in situations like these. Mine died a long time ago._

_I watch him race towards the nearest casualty and begin to do his best to help. The person only has one leg left. He'll be dead within the next 10 minutes through blood loss. Duo knows this but his idiot human emotions are getting in the way again._

_I hear him cursing his God as he tries to dress the open wound with his jacket to stop the bleeding. __I've never believed in any God. _

_His hands are covered in a sickening paste of blood and clogged black ash as he tries to wipe it clean. There's no hope._

"_Please help me," he pleads to no one or maybe to me but he knows I won't help. _

_The wounded man has fallen unconscious. A few minutes later Duo sits back on his heels and his head drops back to stare at the hazy sky. He's muttering under his breath the Lord's Prayer and when he's done he picks himself up. I watch as his hands shakily run through his hair and I want to cringe at the mess it leaves behind. His body is shaking so much I can feel the tremors radiating towards me. _

_He jerks towards me all of a sudden and begins to march towards me. I don't say anything as I wait for the blow which is about to come. He shoves me hard, his fingers digging into my shoulder. _

"_You son of a bitch!" he yells, "don't you feel anything, why aren't you helping!?" _

"_Duo's statically there's nothing we can –" _

"_Bullshit!" he cries tears filling his eyes .His breathing has turned short and jiggered. I can tell he's going into a state of shock as he becomes too overwhelmed with the scene before us. "You know you're about as emotional as a stone! I feel like I have to grind the sorrow and compassion out of you for these people!"_

"_Duo's there's no-"_

"_Room on the battle field for emotions?" he sneers his amethyst flashing madly. "You really are capable of feeling nothing."_

_I want to laugh at the irony of his statement but he has no evidence to prove otherwise and in this time and place in history I could never show him the truth._

_2 people out of 1458 causalities survived that day both saved by Duo._

_/_

I wish I'd helped him that day. I wish I could have helped take his grief away.

Instantly I feel guilty as if it's my entire fault everyone in the canteen is feeling distressed, after all that was me. I was the pilot of Wing Zero. I was the one shooting relentlessly at Mariemia's base like a machine with no regards to human life. I was the one everyone feared during both of the wars.

I don't want to be that anymore.

I turn my attention back to Grey and see him break the disk into pieces.

"If I hear that this video has been recirculated there will be hell to pay," his voice is stern and deadly. He turns his deep, green eyes and they lie on me for a second. He knew I was there from the picture he'd found of me. I feel my stomach churn from his sombre look before he resumes getting some lunch.

"You look awful Heero," I hear Robyn sigh. "Wait here and I'll grab you some lunch." I allow her to do as she pleases.

She returns 20 minutes later with a large plate of steak pie and fries smothered in gravy. She settles it in front of me with a large glass of ice cold water. Soon after the others join and thankfully their conversion turns to something other than the war. By the sounds of it Robyn is cooking everyone dinner tonight. Due to being one of the original crew members she managed to bag herself one of the remaining apartments with a kitchen.

"You are welcome to come Heero," she suddenly says turning to me with a bright smile. "Maybe it could help take your mind off things."

She's right. I don't think I could stand being holed up in my small cabin after today's events. "Thank you."

"I live just around the corner from here. Since I'm chaperoning you I could take you back to yours so you can get changed and then you can help me with the preparations," I almost groan at the thought but nod my head in agreement.

Therefore 6 hours later, after we have clocked out and I have been able to get showered and changed I find myself standing within Robyn's large cabin. I guess being an important person on this ship has its perks. I wonder what Grey's cabin is like.

The walls are painted in bursts of different colours however they are over shadowed by the amount of photographs covering them. As I wait for her to get changed I find myself staring at each one in detail.

There's one of her and what looks like her parents playing on a beach somewhere on Earth. Another is her with her young (I'm guessing) brother. However the rest mostly consist of her and a man with short dark brown hair and dark blue eyes. Instantly I have a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"That's my husband George," I jump and spin around as I hear her voice behind me.

She's freshly dressed in some smart cargo pants and a blouse. She carries on as she towel dries her wet hair, "I met him whilst on L1 visiting my Grandparents. By chance it was, I had to go to the shop to get some Milk and he happened to crash into the back end of my truck." She smiles and a twinkle reaches her eyes. "He charmed me right out of calling his insurance and took me to dinner." Her gaze drops to the floor as all joy wipes from her face. "It's been two years since I last spoke to him – the only way I would be able to see him again was if we somehow was able to communicate and he had his very own ship to fly here. I don't think a communal flight would be willing to drop him off."

"What about email?"

"We were never much into communicating the technical way," she says. "Before being stuck here I'd never had much interaction with a computer only to write an assignment or two – my life revolved around being outside and planting new life."

She sighs and for the first time I notice the frustration of her predicament simmering under the surface.

"I'm sorry," I murmur uncomfortably

"There's no reason for you to be sorry Heero," she snorts, "It's not your fault I'm damned here."

I almost laugh at the irony of the truth. I am actually one of the main reasons she stuck in space.

She turns and heads I presume towards the kitchen where a delicious smell has been wafting from since I entered the apartment. I almost don't want to follow her – to be honest as much as it is my fault she is here it is her fault also. She should never have gotten involved with a rebellious group who planned on killing millions of people.

"Well I suppose I should tell you a bit about my family since my mother and father will be coming over later," she announces as I enter. "Both of them are chefs on the RedStar and love to cook".

I see her smile in amusement as I watch her rapidly pull numerous things out the fridge. There's several different vegetables and salad items as well as and a large bowl of fresh pasta.

"Anyhow, we are Italian – my mother and father were born in Rome. I was brought up to love my food hence why we have A LOT to do before the others arrive."

"What are we making?"

"Well we have some olives I picked yesterday we can lay out for people to nibble on whilst they are waiting. I also have a couple of crates of wine in the back to keep them busy," she says with a wink.

I watch as she pulls out more food from her fridge. "I've got some Parma ham, mozzarella and some vegetables for starters. I'm making a large batch of Carbanara and – " she moves over to the slow cooker where a delicious smell has been wafting from since I entered. "In here we have some belly pork which we'll serve with some potatoes or fries for Landon's sake."

My mood instantly drops as I note that the Captain will be attending the meal.

"What you can do is start pealing the buggers you dug up this morning," she smirks as she lifts a huge bag of potatoes onto the kitchen worktop and hands me a peeler. "You'd better get started we only have just over an hour before they arrive."

"Roger that," I murmur and begin to peal as many potatoes to my best ability.

Within 45 minutes I've pealed over 50 potatoes, taken the belly pork out to rest and started chopping up various other vegetables to accompany it.

Robyn in the meantime has turned on the small kitchen CD player and is singing at the tops of her lungs whilst jigging around as she prepares this and that. It looks as if we are trying to feed an army of a thousand with the amount of food littered over the worktops. To my utter surprise I find myself even tapping my foot to the beat of the music as it drums out of the speakers. There's something soothing about preparing and cooking a meal from scratch.

"Jesus how much food have you got?" Once again I find myself jump as another person announces their presence. Maybe I'm starting to become too comfortable on this damned ship. I spin round to find Paula strutting into the room. I should have known. She places a kiss on Robyn's cheek and then throws a wink in my direction. Vicky in the meantime has busied herself with nosing around on what we've been chopping, pealing and baking.

By the door stands Grey and I almost have to double take to make sure it's him. He's dressed exceptionally smart in dark blue/black jeans, shining dress shoes and a dark midnight blue shirt. His usually messy black hair has been gelled back and styled like you would expect a sleek millionaire. He has his arms crossed and is lent against the door frame casually watching us with amusement. His deep green eyes acknowledge me and I suddenly realise I've been staring for far too long. I hurriedly turn back to my task at hand as I feel my cheeks heat up.

"Starting the party without us?" I hear him call over the loud music.

"You know I'd never do that to you Grey," Robyn calls back with a wink. Seeing how close the two are I casually wonder if anything ever happened between them. Though Robyn doesn't look like the type of girl who would just give up on her husband even if he is stuck on Earth.

"Anything I can help with?"

"I've got some crates of wine in the back, would you two guys mind bringing them in?" I curse quietly – so much for avoiding him. I nod and turn to Grey to see he's already headed out the door leaving me behind as he did when he first showed me the fields. Arsehole.

I hurry to catch up with him.

"In a rush?" I almost snap

"To have a glass of Robyn's win, yes" he answers with a knowing smirk. "It's the best on the ship"

"I'd prefer whisky," I murmur to myself however I hear Grey chuckle as we reach a large cupboard containing crates of Robyn's famous wine.

"I would have pinned you to be a whisky drinker." He says picking up one with ease. I throw him questioning glance and he says rather sombrely, "whisky helps you forget the bad things" I almost flinch at his words as I remember my pit of sorrow I had back on Earth.

I hastily grab a crate aiming to remove myself from Grey's presence as quickly as possible however my quick movements cause my tired recovering leg to twinge and me to almost drop the crate of wine in my hands.

"You ok?" Grey asks

"Moved a bit to quickly"

"You're still recovering," he says. "Maybe you could have some wine to chill out."

"Maybe," I murmur wondering if drinking alcohol is the best thing to do considering I was an alcoholic a couple of months ago. Just the thought of it is sending tingles down my spine.

Robyn's parents are the most typical Italians. As they arrive they are loud and ecstatic to be seeing their daughter and instantly enfolded her into a big hug. Both of them are fairly similar around 5ft 2 in height, grey hair and shining brown eyes. Instantly I notice how much Robyn takes after her father however she has her mother's large eyes and small pert mouth.

"Landon!" Robyn's mother cries and pulls the Captain into a huge hug, he chuckles deeply. She pulls back but holds him at arm's length.

"I haven't seen you for a while. You're looking more handsome by the day,"

He grins in amusement, "Lucy as always it's a pleasure to see you." The old woman looks like she may die and go to heaven. Obviously like many of the other girls on this ship she has a soft spot for the Captain.

"Mother, Father – let me introduce you to Heero Yuy our guest upon this ship," my stomach crunches as their attention turns to me. The last thing I want is the rib crushing hug she's been giving everyone.

"Oh yes we've heard a lot about you from Jason," Lucy says with a grin before eyeing me up exactly the same way her daughter did the day I met her. "Robyn you've bagged yourself a delicious slave for the week can we swap?"

"Noooo way!" Robyn jokes "I'm keeping Heero all to myself!"

"Damn – but I suppose Jason's good enough to look at."

"Lucy I didn't place him in the kitchen for you to droll over," Grey says sternly but has an amused twinkle in his eye.

"We may have to keep him there," Robyn's father pipes up. "He's keeping the old gal out of trouble."

"I'm no trouble at all!" Lucy perks up whilst giving a playful slap to her husband's arm.

"Shall we eat guys? I'm starving!" Paula calls as she backs towards the kitchen whilst Robyn continues to show her parents into the dining room.

"Just to warn you," Paula says to me as she grabs some of the starters and passes them in my direction. "Robyn's parents are wonderful people but they are right nosey bastards when they want to be."

I inwardly groan.

"Don't worry," Vicky murmurs next to me. "Paula talks so much they probably won't have chance to interrogate you." I smirk in response however my stomach flips at the possibility. I follow the girls out to the dining room and my day happens to get even worse. Not only do I have the possibility of being interrogated but I have to spend the next few hours sat next to Grey. Fuck my life.

I get through the starter without any hick ups. My first taste of the wine brings back old memories. To my surprise, is actually nice however I am reminded of the last time I'd drank wine at Trowa and Quatre's wedding. When I was trying to drown my sorrows at seeing how happy Duo was with Hilde. If he was so happy with Hilde why did he have to come and fuck me?

My thoughts of Duo have caused me to down my glasses a little too quickly for a casual meal. I can feel Grey's been watching me closely. His intense gaze shifts towards me every time I reach for the bottle.

"Guys let's play a game" Paula says as Robyn gets up to retrieve our mains with her mother. "If you could choose anyone - which five people out of all history would you choose to invite to this dinner party?"

"Oh that's easy," Robyn's father whose name I learnt was Mario speaks up, "I'd invite my favourite chefs Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver –"

"Why's that Mario?" Vicky asks whilst taking a sip of her wine, "Is Robyn's cooking not good enough for you?"

"Of course not! I'd want to put them all to shame by showing them how wonderful my daughter cooks."

"Well saved Dad," Robyn says as she wonders back in from the kitchen.

"Heero?"

"I'm not too sure – I don't go to many dinner parties."

"Well I'd have all my favourite men Brad, Leo etc.." Paula says with a wink. "How about you Landon?"

"I'd have the 5 Gundam Pilots," he says casually causing me to nearly choke on my wine.

"Looking for a death wish Landon?" Mario asks, "those men are crazy."

"You know I've experienced my fair share of crazy people Mario," Grey says darkly, "I think it would be interesting to get to know them."

"That reminds me," Lucy speaks up as she places Vicky's dinner down in front of her. "I know so little about our new guest. So have you got any brothers or sisters Heero?" The question completely catches me off guard. I turn to Lucy who has her large eyes on me.

"No," I murmur and take a sip of my wine.

"Oh so an only child, you must have been spoilt!" she coos. "Shame there isn't any more of you to go around such good genes."

"Mom shut up!" Robyn hisses looking extremely embarrassed.

"Have you got anyone special back home?" I see Robyn drop her head into her hands.

My mouth goes dry, "- no".

"Ah so single then, we must –"

"No we mustn't mother!" Robyn interrupts, "Leave the poor guy alone, he doesn't need to be paired off with anyone for the remainder of his stay!"

"That reminds me, Landon how is your love life going?"

"Jesus, Mom!" Robyn cries, her gaze swings in the direction of Grey and I'm instantly taken back by the worry which fills them.

Grey's voice is low and almost inaudible, "Lucy you know details of my love life are much too inappropriate to talk about at the dinner table."

"Wait I wanna know to," Paula pipes up. I see aglint in her eye which most of the women on the ship possess when in the presence of Grey.

"Anyone want topping up?" Robyn calls trying to break the uncomfortable topic whilst grabbing the nearest bottle to her. Grey reaches forward for another bottle and I watch as he fills his glass to the brim. I hold mine out expecting him to ignore it but he fills it to. I think I'm beginning to sway in my seat.

"So how's Jason doing in the kitchens? Has he got into any trouble yet?" Vicky speaks up. I see her eyes flicker from Grey to Robyn's parents as she catches their attention.

Lucy launches off into telling us a story about Jason's antics in the kitchen. I loose attention instantly. The powerful waves of angst radiating off Grey is unsettling me as he sits quietly sipping on his wine. His green eyes are fixated onto the table centre piece whilst his brows have drawn together.

He becomes much quieter throughout the rest of the meal only saying a word here and there. Vicky was right Paula's constant talking kept Robyn's parents from interrogating me anymore. By the time we've finished desert and the rest of the wine my tipsiness has gotten to borderline drunk. To top off the night I'm forced to walk back to my prison cell with Grey. Now I know how Duo must have felt. Grey's silence is driving me mental and he is walking much too fast for me to keep up with comfortably in my current state.

I swash my pride and call out "Could you please slow down!"

The Captain is at least a couple of feet in front of me. I can feel the wine sloshing in my stomach and my mouth opens on auto pilot. "What's the point in me going to see Chloe when you're only going to injury me every time I see you?"

He stops instantly and turns on his heal to glare at me. His obvious silence throughout the meal has now turned to full blown anger and is focused on me.

"The only reason I injured you was because you attacked me."

"Sure," I murmur as I hobble past him. "Is that what you say to every outside visitor?"

"And what has led you to that conclusion?"

I bite my lip as a flash of the memories I was reminded of today appear before my eyes. My anger swirls with the alcohol in my stomach – maybe I shouldn't be thinking about this now but I can't seem to stop. All the pent up anger over what they did– or more specifically he did those years ago. How could he stand in front of me and act all noble and proud when he was part of a plan to take over the world?

"We were there trying to fight Mariemia," I hear myself sneer into the deafening silence. "Trying to stop what you lot had planned out to do."

"And what exactly was that?" he growls grabbing hold of my arm and swinging me round to face him. I gasp in surprise at his movement. His green eyes have darkened even more whilst his glare is piercing through me like a sphere. The tension is so thick I can feel it crackling between us. "Tell me what we did so wrong."

Recovering I take a step forward to square up to him.

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" I ask staring up at him as I try and understand his reasoning. "I know you were all involved with Operation Meteor."

His eyes widen at my words and then narrow into thin slits.

"You were all involved in building X18999" I hiss as I try and shake the grasp he has on my arm but his grip just keeps getting tighter and tighter as if he's willing to cut off my blood circulation. I can feel my anger bubbling in my stomach. "You made your fucking bed when you decided to help murder over a billion people. I hope you rot here for the rest of your life."

I see a mix of emotions run across Grey's face, anger being the most predominant. His grip gets so tight on my arm it feels as if he's going to break it off. I can feel his chest heaving in and out against mine that's when I notice how close we are.

I can smell the sweet scent of Robyn's wine each time he breathes out. His sleek hair has begun to fall out of place.

Is this it? Round two? This time it'll be him on the floor.

Suddenly he lets go.

He steps back and says, his voice void of emotion, "Well I guess that's what you would think."

He turns and leaves me standing in the middle of the corridor alone with no idea how to get back to my cell.

Bastard.

**TBC...**

**Hey Everyone! Hope you enjoy this chappy :) and sorry for the long wait as usual :(. I'd like to say thank you to all the people who have reviewed my work: Icse, Pynka, Bcheese, stubs1101, sadiefan and everyone else! :) I really apprieciate that you are enjoying :)  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To vent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author's note: ****I just wanted to remind everyone no matter what happens this is a 1X2 fic and always will be ****Glad everyone is enjoying! I love hearing your views and I'm so happy everyone is liking my own characters! I was so worried no one would like them. The other pilots and everyone else will be back in the story soon just hold on tight and enjoy Heero's journey to recovery!**

**Chapter 11**

Heero POV**  
**

The RedStar when you're drunk and tired seems like a maze. I feel as if I've been wondering around the ship for hours now since that arsehole left me in the middle of nowhere. I think Grey was taking me a different way home hence why I'm unable to recognise anywhere I am. I'm usually quite good at remembering things like that.

Damn him for abandoning me, but then again I'm quite glad he did. I was ready to knock him to the ground. He never denied being involved with Operation Meteor which confirms my suspicions. He was probably one of the leaders for all I know. I just don't understand how someone can live with themselves after arranging to murder billions of people. He must be mentally insane.

The thought of it makes me realise how lucky myself and the other Gundam Pilots were for foiling their plan before it could be completed. If he ever found out I was a Gundam pilot now I don't think I would make it off this ship.

I end up going down a few flights of stairs not really caring where I'm stumbling to now. I'd given up a long time ago in finding my cell even if all my body wants to do is collapse.

Grey said he didn't want me wondering around on my own, well this time it's his fault. I chuckle drunkenly at the irony. Stupid green eyed bastard.

As I wonder down the stairs I am reminded of the time I tried to escape and suddenly I have a great idea. Why not just take Relena's ship now and get out of here? Quietly I can hear my sober self talking: _'you'd be an idiot to try and drive out of here in the state you're in!' _I ignore it; of course I will be able to! I was Gundam Pilot 01! I can fly annnnnnnyyything!

If I'm correct by following the stairs all the way down it should lead me to the ship hanger. I am as always correct unlike Grey. As I walk into the large open plan room full of various different types of aircrafts I can't see Relena's anywhere. I curse as I crouch behind a large pod trying to figure out my next move. Relena's shuttle must be here somewhere in here.

Across the room is a large gathering where the crew members had set up a poker tournament. They're all dressed in uniform which gives me the impression they're the guards of the ship hanger. Their job is to stop anyone from just taking a ship and leaving.

Just like I'm going to do. This is going to be fun.

I hear myself cackling away again. My sober subconscious pinches me. You need to sober up Yuy! Any bad move now and you're definitely in the dog house!

Keeping an eye on them I move slowly deeper into the room. I'm amazing at all the different types of ships the pirates had acquired since the end of the war. However deep down I know they'd probably hijacked them and murdered some people in the process.

To the far side of the room I suddenly notice Relena's shuttle and curse as I see that it is raised on a ramp and half of the engine has been ripped out. Jason did say he was working on it, I guess since he's been completing his punishment for the last few days he hasn't been able get down here.

I feel my teeth grit in frustration as I slump to the floor behind a pile of scrap metal. What am I going to do now? My shuttle is in no condition to fly. I need to get off this ship!

Maybe I could steal one of theirs? They've stolen plenty of other peoples – let's just say its karma.

I get up onto my knees and search the room for potential. However my search is drawn short as I notice some guards walking my way too involved in conversation to notice me.

I quickly jump to my feet; keeping low I dash towards a door close by which luckily had been left slightly open. I gently close it behind me and hear it lock into place. I curse as I try the door handle and find myself locked in. To the right of me is a card scanner. Fuck.

I sit quietly and listen out for the crew members to pass. Maybe I will be able to disarm the scanner once they're out of range. Unfortunately for me they stop outside and that's when I realise I'm definitely in a room I'm not supposed to be in. I can hear them talking.

"What do you mean you can't find it?!" one of the guards cries in disbelief.

"I mean I've lost my key card –" the other replies hotly "Captain Grey is going to be furious."

"Where was the last time you saw it?"

"It must be in the toilets or maybe the canteen."

"Ok, well we'll split up. If Grey finds out it'll be both of our necks on the line!"

I can feel my heartbeat thumping against my chest as I turn my attention to what's in the room. I frown as I find I'm staring at a weird looking machine to which I have no idea what it does. I've never seen anything like it. It's huge and stands much taller than myself. I run my hands over the cool metal and instantly I can sense the power it holds even when it's unknown to me what it does. What the hell is it doing on this ship?

Out the corner of my eye I notice the guard's key card lying on the floor. Looks like he must have dropped it on his way out. I rush to pick it up and I'm out of the room as soon as I have come. As I exit I find some guards playing football near to Relena's ship and then two other guards wondering obliviously my way. Obviously none of these people are used to having people snooping around.

I'm forced into a stair well where I run up a couple of flights for safety. Unfortunately on the way I bump into a member of the crew who instantly recognises me. Luckily he believes I've gotten lost and escorts me back to my room.

xXx

Damn my drinking.

I wake up the next morning with a damned hangover. Now I remember why I usually picked up where I left off the night before back in the hell hole on Earth. 'Hair of the Dog' that's what the barman used to say until he realised my drinking was much more of a problem than he first perceived.

My head feels as if it wants to split into two as I groggily get ready for work. At one point I even begin to put my trousers on before my boxers. This is not going to be a good day. I can feel my body craving for more alcohol to be poured into my system. Maybe I wasn't ready to have a drink.

My anger after arguing with Grey is still simmering even after trying to work it off through vigorously exercising my leg whilst my thoughts are shrouded by the discovery I made last night. Someway, somehow I have to find out what the machine does and what it is doing on this ship. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it. Maybe the machine was used to help build the colony or this ship. But why would it be guarded?

I'm dreading another argument with Grey as I wait for him to escort me to the vegetable fields. However it isn't him who's at my door by 8:00am, instead waiting for me is a small, frumpy man going by the name of Harold.

My relief is blissful.

The next day is the same and by the end of my punishment I still haven't seen Grey and by the sounds of it nor has Robyn. His blatant ignorance towards me has turned my simmering anger into a dangerous irritation. A kind of mood I remember Wu Fei being in a lot during the war. All he needed was one little push and he'd snap – at this point he was always a danger to be around even for a Gundam Pilot.

"He's been avoiding everyone since dinner," I hear Robyn say quietly to Vicky and then turn to me saying a little louder, "was Landon acting differently when he dropped you off Heero?"

I shake my head but continue to busily stab at the muddy soil for potatoes. It's not like he even dropped me off! I was left staggering around the ship like drunkard until I was found by one of the crew.

"Perhaps your mothers questions tipped him over," Vicky comments quietly. "You know he's not too into talking about his personal life."

"Damn I should have known," Robyn sits back on her heels and wipes the sweat from her brow. "I still can't believe she asked him about his love life!"

"Don't worry Rob he just needs some space to calm down." I cringe at Vicky's comment and almost feel guilty that I've caused her paranoia. I hear Robyn sigh as she goes back to her work.

I knew Grey was pissed before I challenged him the other night, but why would such a question cause him to turn into a much bigger arsehole than he usually is? Why do I even care?

I rise from my spot in the mud to fill up my water bottle intending to forget about Grey. Hopefully I will be leaving this hell hole in the next couple of weeks.

Unfortunately there's a small queue at the water pump near the canteen. I have no desire to hang uncomfortably around the criminals on this ship – even if some of them appear to be decent people. I finally get to the front of the queue and fill my bottle to the brim.

"Hey outsider!" I hear a growling male voice call from behind. I turn slowly to find 3 young men behind me. The one who I think had spoken has a black eye and a large scratch going down the side of his pale neck. His dark brown hair is sticking to his forehead and his face is all red and sweaty from digging. The 2 other guys look almost identical with short military style blond hair and light brown eyes.

Instantly I know from the expressions on their face that they are trouble makers and I happen to be in the firing line.

"Missing the colonies and Earth yet?" black eye speaks again. Obviously he's the group leader and the others are the muscle since they are quite well built and around 6ft 3inches tall.

I raise an eyebrow before shaking my head. I'm definitely in no mood to be taunted. The best thing I can do for **them** is to get out of this situation as quick as possible. My intension was to walk past the 3 arseholes that were planning to ruin my day however they had other plans.

"You may think that we're all welcome to have you on this ship but we're not," one of the twins sneers and I can see anger swimming in his eyes. I notice a couple of people around us have stopped working and are watching carefully. None of them speak up confirming my suspicions and their statement of unwelcomness.

During the war I used to be good at diffusing situations likes these – mostly by ignoring the person. This was back when I needed to keep my cover and not draw attention to myself. Duo had always done the opposite saying the offender had to suffer the consequences. That was probably one of the main reasons why he got caught so much and I ended up having to save his ass.

But I suppose one day I was bound to take a leaf out of his book. It's just that today, in the irritated state I'm in, is definitely the wrong time to be taking advice from Duo.

As if on autopilot my body turns forcefully towards them. I can't seem to control myself as I take a bold step forward taunting them to continue.

I scowl, "You can thank your precious Captain for that."

"If I was Captain," black eye says matching up to me by also stepping forward. I notice the way his right leg bows slightly inward indicating a probable old injury. "You would have never have made it onto this ship."

"That would have been the best option for me."

"Well maybe we can make up for it now," he says. "How about we throw you out and let Space have you?"

"I'd like to see you try." My eyes narrow into thin slits. I snarl with manias, "I'd break your body into two."

The guy raises his eyebrow in a mock surprise.

"A weed like you? I'd like to see you try." He replies before launching at me.

In that instance everything suddenly beings to flow in slow motion as I'm overcome with energy I haven't felt for a while – not since the war. Not since J began to condition me into his Perfect Solider.

/

"_You don't beg!" I hear J yell distantly but all I can feel is pain searing through my body like hot lava. I'm not even aware I've spoken. I feel him roughly take hold of my chin and yank my head up. I can feel warm blood dribbling down my chin whilst all I can smell is the dampness of the cell he'd shoved me into._

"_You can't give in boy you must keep fighting!" he says and I feel someone pull me up from where I've collapsed._

_I wobble on the spot as I try to keep my balance and focus onto the mission at hand. J had put me in a cell with 3 of L1's toughest cage fighters and he wanted me to knock each one unconscious. This is what he called training._

_My face has been bashed in so badly I can only just about see the moving targets through my swollen eyes. My knuckles are stinging from where they have split whilst my ribs are aching from where they have been battered. But all that doesn't seem to matter because all I can focus on is J's words_. _I must complete this mission. I must keep fighting._

_I feel a surge of adrenaline run through me and my body moves on autopilot. All I am aware of is my steady breathing. Everything seems to be moving around me so slowly. Then I black out._

/

I feel all my senses flare up. I can feel everything, sense everything, and see everything. My heart beat is like thunderous drums in my ears as my adrenaline surges through my veins. For a second I almost feel sorry for what they are about to endure.

I twirl out the way just in time as Black Eye reaches me and grab his arm into a lock behind his back. Twisting my leg around his I smirk as my prediction of his injury is true. His leg crumbles and I force him to fall forwards causing him bash his head on the water fountain. He yells out in pain as he falls to the floor cradling his new broken, bloody nose. I grin in victory until I notice the other two charging my way. Bending down I flip one of them over my shoulder and he lands squarely on top of black eye with a yelp. The other I am caught in a fist fight with until I do a round house kick and knock him squarely in the temple. He stumbles to the floor.

I sense the other two behind me are on their feet again. I twirl round to face them. Black eye doesn't look at all fazed by the amount of blood which is pouring from his nose. They both launch at me this time, one grabbing my arms and Black Eye punching me square in the gut. I nearly double over in pain. He can sure punch hard, but not as hard as Duo.

I can see him go for me again however I twist out the other guys grasp and knock a punch right on Black Eye's chin. He stumbles backwards looking dazed while the other guy jumps in for more action. He knocks a punch right into my cheek and I can taste blood in my mouth. However for some reason I don't feel the pain which should come along with it. All I can feel is my anger.

I grit my teeth in fury as he hits me again, and for some strange reason, for a second I feel scared, and then the feelings gone replaced with the well-known feeling which I felt when piloting my Gundam.

The rage, the anger, the possessiveness of the Zero system.

I gore the guy to the floor and I hear his head smack onto ground as I do so. I can feel him pulling at my hair, which just makes me even angrier. Now I'm punching him in a mad frenzy, yelling in the process. It isn't until I hear someone shout my name and someone pulling at my shoulders that I realize that the guy beneath me is a blooded mess. Not dead. But nearly.

I'm dragged off towards the canteen. It's not until I'm separated from the battle scene outside that I realize who's pulled me away from it.

Colin and Elliot push me roughly into a seat.

"What the hell happened?" Colin demands his dark chocolate brown eyes glare daggers down at me

"What do you think? I was being attacked," I spit in anger. The adrenaline running through my body is too much that I find I can't sit still. I get up instantly and begin to pace the canteen like a lion, backwards and forwards until I feel my leg begin to tinge. I need to get off this damned ship before I go crazy!

"Jerry's known to cause trouble," Elliot speaks calmly compared to his boyfriend. "It was only a matter of time before he said something – Grey's a fool for bringing you down here."

I snort at the comment. Grey was a fool for bringing me onto this ship.

"Couldn't you have peacefully talked your way out of it?" Colin asks me and I almost shake my head in disbelief.

"Those guys came looking for a fight," I snap. It's not my fault they decided to pick on a Gundam Pilot. I can feel blood trickling down my chin.

"Colin – Heero did what he had to do to protect himself."

"It's just – you know what Jerry and his goons are like. They're bullies and will always be on his case until he leaves this ship!"

"Well if that's the case I feel for them – Yuy just took out all three of them with ease." I see a smug grin appear on Elliot's tanned face and for the first time in a while feel good about myself. "They had it coming anyway the bastards."

"You know that'll just egg them into wanting to try again!" Colin yells before collapsing into one of the many mental framed canteen chairs. Dropping his head into his hands he moans, "Oh god this is going to be hell!"

"I can look after myself," I state matter of fact. I'm a Gundam Pilot for Christ sake!

"And Grey hates conflict – there's a reason why the colony split into two when we had to flee X18999," Colin moans. Grey hates conflict? I've been given the impression that he likes to get under peoples skin. "He's gonna be so pissed."

"Fuck Grey," I snarl feeling my anger reaching its peak.

"Heero just chill out let me get you some ice for your chin." Elliot rushes off towards the back where I can hear some of the kitchen staff fumbling around.

There's a knock at the canteen door and I feel my teeth grit together praying to god that it's not Grey. Instead Chloe's head pops through the gap. Worry is itched into her pale face and gets even worse as her eyes catch onto me.

"Heero!" she calls rushing into the room. "What the hell have you been doing?!"

"I was attacked," I state as she pushes me down into an empty chair fussing like a mother hen.

"From the carnage outside I take it you kicked their ass. Is your leg ok?" she asks whilst reaching for it. I flinch at her touch. "I rushed down here as soon as I heard. Damn Jerry is always causing trouble on this ship."

"Grey should throw them out for the others to get hold of them," Elliot says as he reappears with a bucket of ice and a towel. He sets them down on the table next to Chloe and she instantly gets busily making up a makeshift ice pack for my face.

"You know you wouldn't wish that upon anyone," Chloe says with all seriousness which intrigues me to know more about the "Others".

"How come?" I ask

"Alistair Flint is not a nice person to be around," Chloe says, I can tell by the look on her face that she is reluctant to talk about them. "He's got issues."

Colin snorts loudly adding, "issues? He's got more than issues – that man is full on Texas Chainsaw Massacre crazy!"

"If you were ever to see a good fight you should have seen the fight between him and Landon," Elliot says. There's a chilling look in his eyes as he thinks back. "We were all struggling over the control of the RedStar. Landon and he just went at each other relentlessly. It was a fucking blood bath."

"It was like two lions fighting to the death. Landon managed to nearly slice his face into two!" Colin adds

My eyes widen as I listen to the story, "into two?" I murmur not sure if I heard correctly.

"Right across the face," he mimics the line of the cut by starting at the top right hand side of his face and drawing a perfect swipe across through his right eye, down to the corner of his mouth and ending just under the left hand side of his chin. Just the thought of it makes me shiver – the pain he must have felt afterwards.

"After the others were kicked off the ship Landon swore that if any of us where to retaliate against him he would have no mercy," Elliot informs. "I think Jerry's on his last warning."

"After some of us seeing and the others hearing about what he did to Alistair it kind of scared us into co-operating," Collin said before adding, "but the other ship is now so full of crazies now I think we made the right choice."

"I'm surprised, I never thought Captain Grey would be so brutal," I murmur

"Especially considering the circumstances that him and Alistair were - "

"Alright that's enough gossiping for today boys! You know we're not allowed to talk about what happened," Chloe butts in before Colin has chance to finish his sentence. This has to be the first time in my life I've actually been accused of participating in "gossiping".

There's another knock at the door and this time it's the last person in the whole galaxy I want to see. Grey silently enters and stands strongly holding the door open with his left hand.

"I'd like to speak to Heero alone if you wouldn't mind,"

"Of course Sir," all three crew members rush out of the canteen instantly without hesitation. I see Chloe pat him on the shoulder as she passes. He lets go of the swinging door letting it slide back into place leaving the two of us alone.

I chew on my lower lip and turn my attention away from the catalyst for the real reason I'm so angry at the moment.

I hear him making his way silently towards me and a second later I find him sitting in the seat which Chloe had occupied a few seconds earlier. He sits staring straight at me with a frown slightly creasing his forehead. A number of images fly through my mind of him angrily fighting with a faceless Alistair Flint.

"I'm sorry," his deep voice cuts through the thick silence. I snort at his apology as I cradle the ice pack to my bruising face. "You got caught in the crossfire of something which isn't your fault. Jerry has been trying to raise a reaction out of me for the past 6 months."

"I'm fine,"

"You're wounded and I promised –"

"That I would not get harmed during my stay," I conclude for him. "It's a bit late for that."

He snarls and jumps angrily out of his seat. The screech of the metal canteen chair on the stone floor goes straight through me.

"We are not all animals like you seem to think we are," he snaps. "We believe in Peace. We want Peace."

"That's not what I've heard," I snarl in response. "Splitting a person's face into two sounds very humane"

I see his eyes widen and a storm of emotion brew wildly within them, "if you want to see me angry Yuy let me just tell you you're pushing all the right buttons."

I rise from my seat and step towards him and once again I am reminded of the other night. I can hear his erratic breathing and smell the last lingering scent of the aftershave he'd basked himself in this morning. I muster all the hatred towards the man I can gather as I growl, "you don't scare me."

He mockingly laughs and I am drawn to the way his pink, slightly chapped lips quiver as he does.

"That's because you don't know me," he states lowly

I raise my gaze to meet his and say my voice void of emotion, "and you don't know me."

He slaunters towards me, saying whilst his body moves like a prowling lion "I've lived with crazy, I've slept with crazy –" his words roll slickly off his tongue. Once again I'm found I'm drawn to the way his mouth is formed. I feel my heart pick up a beat. "The one thing which doesn't strike me about you is that you're relentlessly out of control."

"I was," I murmur remembering the video which was broadcasted in this very room a few days ago. "I could have killed that guy."

"Good it would have saved me the hassle,"

I scowl bringing my attention back up to his hard green eyes, "I heard about your lack of clemency towards offenders of violence on this ship."

"I do not tolerate any sort of violence. The members should be dealt with accordingly even if that means exile or if they had converted to oppose us - death."

"And those are the words of a pacifist?" I snap noticing once again how close we have become. I can feel a thick electrical charge igniting between us so powerful that one wrong move would set it off. I snarl towards him, "If you ever believed I would go back to Earth and praise your colony now you will now sorely be mistaken. You'd be the last person in the universe I would ever want to be allowed back onto civilisation. You all helped in organising Operation Meteor and have no regrets! You have no compassion for Human life!"

He leans towards me and for a moment I feel my heart stop as I watch his lips come nearer and nearer before they skim past my cheek. He speaks lowly in my ear and I stop breathing, "Forgive me for caring for the welfare of my crew. Maybe one day you'll meet Alistair Flint and you will understand why it haunts me to this day that I missed slitting his neck."

He turns and storms out of the room leaving me once again alone and my body feeling physically shaken. I jump at the sound of someone speaking from behind me.

"Nobody left on this ship were ever involved with Operation Meteor." I twirl round to find Jason standing by the kitchens looking very angry. He must have heard the news of the fight. And what does he mean nobody on this ship was ever involved with Operation Meteor?

**TBC… **

Please R&R and let me know what you think!


	12. Chapter 12

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To vent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Chapter 12**

_"Nobody left on this ship were ever involved with Operation Meteor." _

_I twirl round to find Jason standing by the kitchens looking very angry. He must have heard the news of the fight. And what does he mean nobody on this ship were ever involved with Operation Meteor?_

I'm stunned by his appearance and outburst, "What do you mean –"

"I should have known," he cuts in angrily and I can see I've royally pissed him off. He shakes his head in disappointment, "you're just like the rest of them."

He turns to leave but luckily I find my voice to stop him, "wait!"

He reluctantly stops and turns to glare daggers at me. Even though he's dressed in his apron and hairnet his comic appearance does not affect the angry impression he's portraying. His body so tense he stands ridged to the spot. Instantly I notice the frying pan he has grasped tightly in his left hand where his knuckles have begun to turn white. It's weird to see him so angry when he's one of the most friendly, happy people I've ever met on this ship.

"How can I think any differently with the facts I've been given?" I ask carefully treading the water to not anger him anymore. "You all helped build a colony whose sole purpose was to be dropped on Earth – how could you not know?"

His eyes slide shut and he takes a deep breath to calm himself.

"I was given the opportunity to work on the colony at the job centre after the war. I had to take the first thing I could get to help support my parents."

He reopens his deep brown eyes and levels his gaze with mine. With his blonde hair drawn back and hidden under his hairnet it makes his eyes look so much larger and the frown which curves its way into his forehead so much deeper. It's the first time I've noticed how much older he looks than the typical teenager.

"All we were told was what subsection we'd be working on. I was assigned to help with the engineering of the weather system. Everyone who signed up for a job was shipped there within a week. "

"Didn't you sense anything was wrong?"

"No!" he yells frustrated causing me to nearly flinch and drop the ice pack I have placed gingerly against my face. I find myself not particularly liking the fact that Jason is upset with me. He's been so good to me during my stay on the RedStar. "Why would I sense anything was wrong? I just wanted to help make a difference. After the war that's all any normal person ever wanted to do! They were even advertising for people to buy land and houses on there – why would they do that if they were planning on dropping the colony on Earth?"

I shrug my shoulders but deep down I know it didn't matter if people had started to live on the colony or not. Either way it was going to be dropped on Earth. Dekim didn't care about any of their lives.

"I remember the day I got there," he says. "Everything was so new, so fresh. I was so excited to be involved in making the colony. It was like I was making my own small mark in space. My mother and father were so proud. They promised we could all move there once it had its official opening."

"So what happened?" I ask settling back down into one of the metal chairs whilst cradling the ice pack to my face. He takes a sit opposite me.

A haunted look crosses his face as he remembers the day, "the day started like any other really. We'd finished most of the build but there were some loose ends we needed to tie up before the "grand opening". The place looked beautiful – Landon and his crew had done a good job with the landscape. With everything finally fitting together it looked perfect and for once in my life I was proud of something I'd contributed to making.

It was all over the news that Relena Peacecraft would be visiting us to look around – to sign off her approval." He stops and then snarls, "But like hell that happened. That bastard Dekim kidnapped her and had Mariemia announce to the whole world we would be continuing with Operation Meteor. We didn't really know what to do. It was all such a shock. All the shuttle ports were closed down and guarded by Dekim's men. We had no means of escape."

I feel my body begin to shiver at the thought of it.

A sudden sparkle comes to his eyes, "The only hope we had were the rumours that the Gundam Pilots were on their way to rescue us." He drops his gaze to stare at his lap where his hands have fisted around the handle of the frying pan. "When you're faced with your death you can't help but begin to analyse your life. Actually thinking back I thought I would be filled with more regret – I mean we always want more out of life don't we? Like more money, more power, more influence, more success – but all I wanted at that point was more time."

I can see tears filling in his chocolate brown eyes as they rise to meet mine and instantly I feel like a fool for ever thinking that he could ever been involved in such a terrible plot to rule the world.

He continues, "Time to see my parents, time to grow up, get married and have children. I kept thinking about it over and over until it began to drive me a bit crazy. Whilst I was stuck waiting helplessly for my death all I could think about were ways to stop the inevitable but after hours of bargaining with myself and praying to God, I realised nothing was gonna change." He sighs and sits back in his seat. Running a hand through his blonde locks he says, "At that point I realised I had a couple of choices; stand up and fight or curl up and wait."

"What did you do?" I ask

He sits quietly biting his lower lip as if hesitant to continue. He glances back over his shoulder to make sure nobody is around to hear.

He speaks so low that I almost miss what he says, "There was a machine they were going to use to destroy the colony. I don't know where they got it from or who made it but I found out its purpose through one of the guards who finally came to his senses."

I feel my heart stop beating. A machine?

"What did it do?" I whisper breathlessly. Was he talking about the machine currently being guarded on this ship? I still have the guards pass hidden within my bedside table draw.

"From what I remember correctly it would destroy the gravitational pull of the colony. Basically rip it apart from the inside out. This would eventually cause it to lose orbit and crash into the Earth."

"How did you stop it?"

"We formed a group with Landon at our lead. With the guards help we tracked down the location of the machine before it had chance to do much damage. It wasn't an easy task we were up against Dekim's soldiers with no weapons - some of my good friends died in that battle."

I find myself speechless and shaken to the core. None of us Gundam Pilot's knew about this. What would have happened if they were unable to stop it? We were all so focused on Mariemia's base to think about anything else. Without them even if we succeeded the colony still would have dropped on Earth.

"What happened to the machine in the end?" I murmur suddenly feeling sick to the stomach.

"I don't know – things kind of went crazy then. We all had to get off the colony as soon as possible. That's when we realised that some of the people we were working with weren't as genuine as we first thought. They were working for Dekim for the whole time– it was like a big kick in the balls. Anyway that's when the colony split. You have us and you have them."

Grey must have taken the machine and hid it before the others could get hold of it. That's why it's being guarded. I almost shake my head at the stupidity of the guard who lost his pass. If that machine was to fall into the wrong hands peace could be at jeopardy. But by the sounds of it not everyone knows the location of it – exactly the way it should stay.

"I'm sorry." I say but my words seem so pointless after all the harsh words I'd spoken. I feel so ashamed and stupid for ever thinking or accusing him, Grey and everyone else on this ship of being murderers. I can't even imagine the ordeal they went through. "I didn't know –"

He sighs and thankfully I see a lot of his building tension release from his body. He says breathlessly, "It's not your fault you didn't know – you weren't there."

I almost cringe at his words. I was there. I remember it perfectly me and Duo breaking into the colony. One of the main reasons they probably couldn't escape was because of the commotion me and Duo caused when we "joined the party" as Duo put it and attempted to save Relena.

"_Anything for the one you love"_ Duo's voices echoes through me.

I remember how those words angered me to the core. After everything we'd been through and everything we'd shared he still seemed to think all I wanted was to be with Relena. He never understood Relena's purpose and why she needed to stay alive. He just saw her as the annoying girl in pink who always nearly blew our cover at every school we went to during the war. How times have changed. If only he knew her importance back then.

"I don't know how to make it up to you," I say feeling rather helpless. Why would he want to spend time with me now after hearing me call him a murderer? I feel so embarrassed.

To my shock his face actually brightens up "Well you do know it's our last day of punishment right?"

"I wouldn't really count this as punishment," I reply and he looks at me sceptically not sure if he believes I've enjoyed working in the fields. This week even with its little hiccups has actually been quite interesting and an eye opener as to how the RedStar functions.

"Anyway I think that's a cause for a celebration!" he exclaims returning to more like his normal self. "I can't wait to be out of those kitchens and not constantly smell of chip fat anymore!"

"What are you thinking?"

He sits back in his seat and grins, "well why don't I take you to my second most favourite place on the ship?"

"Where's that?"

"The pub!" he grins like a cheshire cat. Somewhere at the back of my mind I remind myself that a pub is a bar. "You can buy me a drink for being so stupid."

I smirk at his words but surely a drink can't fix everything I've done wrong.

"You shouldn't forgive me so easily."

He shakes his head and rolls his brown eyes, "Heero as you probably know we are quite forgiving people."

"I don't think Grey will," I murmur not really liking the thought of confronting the Captain and apologising. Still after everything he's an arse. He should've told me straight that they weren't involved with Operation Meteor instead of allowing me to get carried away and accuse him of things he never did.

"Landon most of all, without him most of us wouldn't be here today."

I frown at his words, "What do you mean?"

"Landon was the one who disarmed the machine. He was the one who voiced the need for peace and forgiveness which helped so many people keep on the right track. You shouldn't be so hard on him."

There's a knock on the canteen door and Chloe enters cautiously.

"Hi – erm – Landon said you two were talking."

I suddenly remember Grey whispering in my ear of his regrets of not killing Alistair Flint. Now I realise that he only meant for me to hear. He must have noticed Jason's presence right at the beginning of our argument. Once again I feel guilty. Grey has done so much for the people on the RedStar. He saved their lives by deactivating the machine and by creating them a safe environment to live in. How had I gotten it so wrong?

"It's ok Chlo I've gotta go back to work anyway – I'll call for you later Heero" he gives me a wink and rushes back to work, our fight seemingly forgotten.

Chloe gives me a quick check over to make sure none of my bumps and bruises are more than they appear. She then cleans up the blood covering my face and then gives me some cream to help reduce the rising bruise on my cheek. After double checking my leg and exclaiming once again how amazingly fast my body recovers she walks me back to Robyn.

Everyone's eyes are on me as we trudge through the field and for the first time I feel very self-conscious and guilty as if they all know what I've been thinking over the last few days. Gerry and his goons are nowhere in sight which makes me think Grey current has them in his presence - where ever that may be.

"Heero!" Robyn instantly jumps to her feet and rushes over to me. I tense up as she wraps me in a muddy hug. "I'm so glad you're ok. Damn Gerry for being a complete arse again!"

"I'm ok," I murmur as Vicky and Paula begin to inspect me whilst Colin and Elliot stand nearby.

"Why the next time I see Gerry I will kick him where the sun don't shine!" Paula growls angrily.

"Don't worry Paula, I think Landon will assign them a nice long punishment after doing this," Vicky comments with a smirk at the thought of the 3 goons being forced to do something which they do not wish.

"Are you sure you're ok to work Heero?" Robyn asks concern lacing her voice.

I nod my head, of course I am – apart from the bruise on my face there's nothing else wrong with me. Chloe says her goodbyes and we go back to work until the end of our shifts however as we go to clock out Robyn pulls me aside.

"I wanted to give you this," she says holding out a wad of RedStar credits. My eyes widen at the sight and instantly I shake my head.

"I can't accept that,"

She grabs hold of my hand and forces the money into my palm, "you will and you must!"

"Why?"

"Because it's the weekend and you owe me a drink for looking after you all week plus you need to sort out your hair!"

The last point I agree with. My hair is getting so long and unruly it's starting to look like a lion's mane. I haven't given so much thought about my appearance for a while apart from a quick shave here and there.

"Would you be able to show me where I can get it cut?" I ask knowing that I would get lost getting there and that Grey would not allow me to wonder around on my own anyway.

She agrees and takes me to the always amazing shopping hall. She'd given me 150 credits. Even though I'm grateful I feel bad for taking the money off her since for most of the time we've spent together I considered her to be a murderer.

I end up spending 10 credits on having my hair cut back into its usual style and then 30 on new shoes and a tightly fitted white shirt. Robyn seemed to enjoy herself a little too much by buying basically a whole new wardrobe. She seemed stunned when she saw me with my newly trimmed hair and announced that I should never let it grow long again.

She walked me back to my room where I was able to get showered and changed just before Jason appeared. I spent way too much time in the shower my mind preoccupied with other things that by the time he arrived I was just pulling on my new shoes.

Quickly glancing at myself in the bathroom mirror before I open the door I feel satisfied that for the first time in a while I look like I've made an effort. My hair looks a million times better and I've shaved. I no longer look like a mountain climber who hasn't seen civilisation for over 3 months. The one thing I do notice however is that apart from the bruise on my cheek my eyes no longer look so sunken into my face and the bags surrounding them have disappeared.

I don't particularly know what the place is like where we are going so hopefully my new shirt will fit in. Everything surprises me on this ship. I open the door and feel better to find Jason dressed similar to how I am. In fact I don't think I've seen him look so smart. It's a change from the baggy jeans and oil covered tank tops he usually wears. He's even put some effort into styling his blonde hair which he usually covers with a baseball cap.

"Man 'Ro you scrub up well! You look like a completely different person from when you first came here."

I almost blush, "thanks."

"You ready?" he says with a grin. I nod in confirmation. Leaving 30 credits on my bed side table I take the rest with me since I owe so many people drinks of thanks and apologies. I still find it strange that we're going for a night out on the ship.

He leads me through a number of different hallways; lifts etc. as usual and I silently make a note not to drink tonight so I can find my way back if needed. Besides I don't think my body agrees with me drinking. Maybe this would be a good time to give up.

I can tell we're getting closer as I can hear music slowly growing louder as we walk. Finally turning down yet another white corridor I notice two old looking oak doors in place of the usual white. I follow Jason inside and instantly I feel like I'm in an old English pub.

Once Duo had persuaded me to "chill out" with him as he put it when we'd just finished a mission in England. He'd taken me to one…it was an experience to say the least. We spent the whole afternoon gambling the money we'd stolen from Oz on the fruit machines (one armed bandit). We learnt after a while the algorithm to cheat and won over £500. Those were the good old days before things started to get too complicated. Those were the times when I couldn't understand why even when my mind was telling me no by body would do exactly what he said.

The RedStar pub is quite large with many places to sit, whilst there are small oak tables littered here and there for people to place their drinks on. The décor is deep reds, browns and white making the room seem very warm and welcoming. Overall they'd done a pretty good job at disguising we were currently on a ship in the middle of nowhere. At the back is a small wooden stage which currently isn't being used whilst over the far left hand side are 3 pool tables one currently been occupied by Captain Grey.

He's changed from earlier and is now dressed in dark jeans and a dark grey T-shirt with some scribble of writing across the front. He looks much more casual than most of the people in the room however as the Captain I suppose he can get away with it. His tribal tattoos are more on show than ever trailing down his arm; they ripple as his muscles tense as he crosses his arms. I note he has a serious look on his face as he sips away at his pint of lager whilst his green eyes intently watch his opponent take a shot and miss.

I know instantly that I should apologise to him but is this the right place? Should I intrude on his social time? I'm probably the last person he wants to talk to at the moment.

Jason gets us to the bar after pushing through the crowded room. I notice Robyn and her gang sitting nearby waving.

"Wanna sit with us boys?" she calls and Jason announces we will be over after we've gotten ourselves some drinks. "I'll have a gin and tonic please Heero!" she yells after me.

I order our drinks once getting Jason's order and it comes to a reasonable price of 7 credits.

"You not drinking Heero?" he asks looking surprised as the waitress places a glass of coke in front of me.

"I'm trying to not drink so much," I reply handing him his pint of larger and taking hold of my coke and Robyn's Gin and Tonic.

We join Robyn's table and I go to introduce Jason to everyone however it seems they've already met and know each other quite well. They all begin to chat allowing me to sit back in my seat and delve into my thoughts over what I'd learnt today. However it's not long until Jason comes up with a competitive game of flipping beer mats. He gathers everyone's mat and places them overhanging the edge of the table. He then flips his hand up, causing the mats to sail into the air and then attempts to catch them before they hit the ground. He catches 3 out of the 7 he'd gathered.

Everyone round the table begins to take their turn some of them catching 1 while most not being able to catch any. Finally they get passed to me.

"Your turn Heero!" Jason yells his voice slightly slurry now that he's on his 4th pint.

I pick up all the beer mats and neatly pile them on top of each other. I can feel all the others eyes intently watching me as I do. I quickly measure up my challenge. The flip must be at the right force and angle enough for them to turn 180 degrees in the air before I am able to catch them. A number of calculations and scenarios run through my mind like the best way to make sure all mats stay together, I don't want them flying all over the place. From watching the others this has come down to flipping the mats at a 90 degree angle.

Slowly I position myself and then quickly flip my hand upwards. The mats go sailing neatly up into the air and turn 180 degrees. I catch all of them with ease. I feel a smile break out on my face. Mission Complete.

"What the – how the hell did you do that?!" Jason cries whilst the others are clapping at my victory.

"It's simple maths really," I say and I can't stop smiling for some reason.

"Well I think that victory is a cause for another drink don't you think guys?!" Robyn calls and the others agree.

"I'll buy it's my round," I say standing up before anyone else can and wonder off to the bar. Glancing over my shoulder I see Jason reattempting to flip the beer mats. He only catches 2 causing me to chuckle. I tackle my way to the bar and settle into a good place.

"Getting the round in Heero?" I hear a voice say from my left hand side. I turn and find myself staring up into a pair of deep green eyes. "Not on the hardcore stuff tonight then?" Grey nods towards the glass of coke the waitress has placed in front of me.

"No – and I need to talk to you,"

He sighs, "You **need **to talk to me?" He raises an eyebrow, "only if it doesn't involve you calling me a murderer again."

"No it doesn't. I'm sorry," I say sincerely.

"You're sorry?" he repeats surprised by my words.

"I spoke before I knew all the facts about you and your people. Jason explained everything that happened." He has a weird look on his face as if he can't actually believe what I'm saying "I know you aren't to blame. I've never been so wrong in my life."

"I don't doubt that," he says. "How is it that you believe every word Jason says?"

I bite the inside of my lip as I wonder over his question. Jason seemed so upset by the whole event – there was just no way he could've been involved with Operation Meteor.

"He spoke with so much raw emotion – I could tell instantly that he could never have been involved with –" I look around me before whispering "Operation Meteor."

"And I don't?" he deadpans

I stand flabbergast and feel my cheeks tinge, "no I never meant-"

"Heero it was a joke," he says with a twinkle in his eye. He runs a hand through his dark hair and then continues, "Even though you said some horrible things I'm sure you know I'm a very forgiving person."

"Yes but you shouldn't be," I counter

He sighs and turns towards me. He casually leans against the bar, "The way I see it I have two options. I could ignore you for being a total ass until you are able to leave this ship. Or I could forgive you and show you how great the people of this colony really are."

I find myself getting slightly angry at his words. Why is he still continuing to be civil towards me after everything I said? Why can't he just punish me for acting like a complete jerk? And why does he seem to think I have so much influence over the Earth and Colonies?

"You know my opinion won't do much difference," I say. We decided not to come out as the Gundam Pilots to the world – to them I am no one. To the others who know who I am they are too scared to be in the same room as me.

Grey looks at me sceptically, "you're a friend of Relena's – I know all her friends have a great influence."

"But I'm a nobody I have no purpose – not since the war."

He frowns looking quite concerned at me before saying, "You see those people over there," he points towards a group of workers each of them with a hand in a packet of crisps (chips in usa :P). "Without you they wouldn't have been able to enjoy their bar snack and look at Jason he's so excited to get back to work because he gets to work on Relena Peacecraft's ship."

Now it's my turn to frown as he says, "How can you measure your life through your own values and expectations? Which I'm guessing you've set pretty high. You need to look at the bigger picture and see the rippling effects of what you do. Before all this happened I was happily aiming towards progressing in my career and making a success out of myself. I wanted to be the best. But then things change – and that's not the case anymore. I was reborn you could say."

"Was it hard to let go?"

"Life in general is never easy Heero," he says. "Especially when you're left with nothing, you've got to learn to jump back on. I learnt to never judge myself to what I'm worth – more to what effect I'm having on other's lives, which is why we have to start the ripple from somewhere. Even if we have just one person speak up for our faction hopefully others will begin to realise that we are not what they first perceived."

"I will try," I promise because it's the least I can do after calling him and everyone else on this ship a murderer. "I really am sorry."

"Well I think you're gonna need to be a bit more apologetic than that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're gonna have to buy me a drink," his smile dazzles me for a second the way it lights up his usually sober face and reaches his eyes. It's infectious and I feel my own returning in response.

**TBC…**

Wow so…a lot of life discussions in there lmao! This chap turned out to be much longer than I expected but I hope you all liked it anyway. Silly Heero for letting his mind wonder as usual! Thank you to all who reviewed last time, it's great to see that even after all these years of waiting you still have time to read my fic


	13. Chapter 13

**Rehab**

**Title: **Rehab

**Pairings: **1X2, 3X4, 5X (secret), 1+OC...

**Warnings: **SEX! (Lol), Angst, Violence, Foul Language and so on!

**Summary: **To vent his frustration throughout the war Duo turns to Heero for no-strings attached sex not knowing the silent solider would start to develop feelings for him. Now the wars over and Duo has turned to Hilde to start a new life leaving Heero stranded and unknowing how to deal with the emotion called 'Love'.

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Gundam Wing it would be never ending!

**Author Notes**: Hey guys just wanted to give the heads up that this chapter spans over the time of 2 – 3 weeks enjoy!

Hello all my lovely readers! I know what you're thinking – you took your blood time to update! Well I do have my reasons, that being I had to go through the horrible pain Heero has been going through in this story (I found out my partner of 8 years was cheating on me ). So it was pretty hard to gain the motivation to write but hopefully I'm back now so I hope you enjoy! Remember to Review! I'm so glad you are all liking my original characters!

**Chapter 13**

Grey wasn't joking when he said he wanted to show me how great the people of his colony were. He only gave me 2 days of rest and catching up with Jason before he knocked promptly on my door at 9am – later than his usual time. Jason had informed me yesterday that he had to get back to working on Relena's shuttle. Surprisingly I felt a little sorrow however his excitement made it bearable. By the sounds of it we're growing closer and closer to civilisation where I'll finally be able to leave and get back to my own life. The thought leaves a strange sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Grey has different ideas compared to Jason on what he thinks I should be seeing during my last few weeks. He told me with pride that everyone contributes to the running of the RedStar and a lot happens behind the scenes that I have yet to see.

First he takes me down to a small cotton mill which resides close to the shopping mall. I'd often wondered how they'd made all the beautifully handmade clothes to go in the shops. He weaves us through some old looking machines as the crew work hard making sure that everything is running smoothly. He introduces me to a number of the workers though all seem too fascinated by his presence to pay much attention to me for which I'm glad.

They all radiate complete respect towards their leader which makes me wonder how I could have ever thought he was a murderer. At some point he even has one of the crew teaching me how to do their job and what it involves. He doesn't say much as I begin to make an idiot out of myself but he watches with a hint of amusement in his worn green eyes. It reminds me of the look he had in his eyes the first day he took me to the fields.

A day later he has me surprisingly down near the hangers and in a huge open plan room. He told me how it was the ships new extension. Due to not knowing how long they would be stuck in space he informed me due to the growing population they had to start catering for more space. I'm dumbfounded as he explains the ins and outs of how they can even build on a moving ship and how they only use abandoned shuttle parts to help them expand.

He introduces me to the designers and some of the builders and I'm fascinated with all the intricate details of their plans. They're all so very educated in their subjects that I'm stunned that civilisation is missing out on having these people contribute to society.

I've actually come to find that since being told the truth by Jason my tolerability towards the people on this ship has risen. They're not criminals or insane like I first thought on the contrary they are polite and always seem to want me to be at ease.

My constant feeling of unwelcomness has seemed to disappear after a week of visiting so many different places and meeting so many different people that I begin to wonder if they were down to my own insecurities. I've never felt welcome anywhere though that could be down of my lack of social skills. J never really saw the need to teach me how to interact with others. I was his killing machine. Sometimes I think I was only so close to the others because we were all thrown into such an unusual situation where all we had was each other.

Knowing the truth has also allowed me to open my eyes and see Grey in a different light. By the 8th day of being in his constant company I find I'm actually enjoying it for once. He's seems to have transformed from the frustrating Captain I've been interacting with for most of my stay into someone I see as endurable. I've always been able to sense his intense gaze on me, however now I seem to know when he's around. It's like my body has tuned itself into knowing what he's doing. It's probably because I know now he's the most dangerous man on the ship.

I've also noticed the amount of time and effort he puts in to getting to know his people. I asked him once why he tries so hard. He spoke about how strong social connections were the most important thing to keeping a community going. He said that within the doom and gloom it's very easy for one to lose hope and sight of what's important.

He told me a story of a man similar to Jerry who'd lost hope during the early days. He wasn't part of Dekim's plot to take over the world but the thought of never setting foot on earth again made him crack. He turned psychotic and killed over 10 people. Grey vowed that a situation like that would never happen again. I've begun to think that Colin's belief that the people are too scared of Grey to protest against him maybe incorrect. They just have no reason to.

Finally on the 10th day he leads me into a room which instantly sets my heart racing and a smile hint at the corners of my mouth.

"This is where we teach people how to fly" he says placing his hand on top of one of the many bucket seats within the large training room. I feel my hands begin to shake at the possibility of having a go at one of the simulations. My favourite lesson with J was learning how to fly. It was the one time I felt free.

I notice a short, stocky girl, who looks like she spends half her day in the gym, walking in our general direction.

Grey announces as she grows nearer, "This is Jane she will be taking over from here. She's our head flying instructor."

"Hey Landon – welcome Heero." Jane grins as she comes to stand in front of us. I nod a hello. Jane is not your typically girly girl. She's dressed in men's slacks which look a little to long for her and a tank top. Her blond hair is cut short and she bares no makeup at all. She has quite toned arms and looks like she'd easily be able to protect herself in a fight against both men and women.

"The way I see it," she says "learning to fly should be basic knowledge to us given our current situation. My dream is to someday have everyone on this ship trained to fly a pod."

"You've got your work cut out if you want to train everyone," I murmur. There are over a million people on this ship.

"Well I'm certainly wanna try," she says determined "You wanna have a go?"

"There's no way you can blow up these engines," I hear Grey snigger as he wonders off into the room to help some of the younger students.

I glare daggers at his back before sitting in one of the bucket seats in front of a large control unit. My mind takes in every button and notes down each of their positions. They're exactly the same as the OZ shuttles we used to steal.

"Be careful," Jane says as she straps me in. "These can make some people feel sick the first time. The seat and control unit move exactly as if you're in the real thing." I nod just so she knows I'm listening however I can feel a little burst of adrenaline and excitement run through my veins. I relish in it. My hands start to twitch.

"I'll set you up and then I'll jump on the one next to you. I'll link them up and we can have a little race if you like." I feel the corners of my mouth hitch up. A race? How can I resist?

"Sure."

"You'd better watch out Jane's quite competitive," I hear Grey call from somewhere.

"I'm not competitive I just like to always win," Jane calls in response and instantly I know I'm up against a worthy opponent.

I watch patiently as she straps herself securely into her bucket seat. She sets up the parameters on her screen and interlinks our programs together.

I turn my attention back to my screen. It shows a very realistic view of what it would be like sat in the cockpit of any normal shuttle. All I can see is space with a few stars in the distance. By the looks of it colony L1 is just off to my right. I flip the throttle gently hearing the fake engines roar to life in the speakers built into my bucket seat.

"I say - last one around the colony and back is the winner."

"You'd better get ready to lose," I find myself answering as I tighten my grip around the steering wheel in front of me.

I hear Jane chuckle darkly.

The screen flashes up a big number 3, then 2, then 1. She instantly slams her foot on the accelerator speeding off into the distance. Adjusting the fuelling and the boosters calmly I slam onto my accelerator and follow her.

"Hahaha! Come on Heero! You're slacking!" she yells excitedly as we round the large colony. I grit my teeth and throw myself into the game. I have to win especially against a girl. God I'm starting to sound like WuFei.

I find I'm actually amazed with the detail of the game as it takes in the gravitational pull which a colony would make on our shuttles in real life. I take this to the advantage and dive towards the surface leaving a millimetre gap between the colony surface and my ship. As anticipated the extra gravitational force makes my shuttle glide more swiftly and straight past her ship.

"Jesus!" I hear Jane yell as she watches my shuttle move quickly past hers. I feel my eyes narrow as I nudge the front of her shuttle with the back of my ship throwing it slightly off course and thus pushing mine purely into the lead.

"HEY!"

"Never lose your focus," I murmur my eyes narrowing as I fiddle with a few controls in front of me. My shuttle instantly shoots off about a mile in the virtual space. I'm back at the finishing line before she's realised I've royally kicked her ass.

I sit back in my seat and feel a smile tugging at my lips.

"Hey what the hell was that?" she exclaims unclipping herself and turning to stare at me in astonishment. "How the hell did you beat me?! I know every trick in the book to do with this simulation! And how the hell did you get so close to the colony without losing control?!"

"It was quite easy-" I answer before hearing a loud chuckle erupt from behind us. Turning I find Grey trying to hide his laughter behind his hand. His green eyes twinkle with amusement.

"Now, I would have paid good money to see that," he says laughter lacing his smooth voice

"Did Jane finally get her ass kicked?" another voice calls. My attention is drawn to a man with shoulder length brown hair pulled up into a ponytail setting up a machine nearby. He has the lightest blue eyes I have ever seen. He looks more amused than Grey.

I turn my attention to Jane to find the biggest blush spread across her face, "No – it was a fluke."

"Didn't look like it," Grey comments and the other guy agrees.

"What?!" Jane exclaims in full embarrassment. "Ah man, you're never gonna let this down are you?"

"Nope," the man adds before throwing a wink in Grey's direction. "How could we?"

"Best out of two Heero?" she says turning to me with determination in her eyes. I shrug my shoulders and strap myself back in my seat feeling the adrenaline sending shivers through my body.

She didn't have much luck the second time either. I let her take the lead however I keep within the slip stream of her shuttle and nudged the back of it within a difficult corner sending it tumbling into the colony and exploding.

"YOU CHEAT!" she yells. The man behind us is in hysterics.

"Oh my, Jane what's happened to your mad skills?" he cries wiping the tears from his eyes. However this time Grey is silent. His brows are drawn together as he's deep in thought.

"Heero cheated and he knows he did," Jane settles crossing her arms across her chest. "End of story."

I hear the man snort, "I'm sure he did."

"This sucks," she grounds out when suddenly the room begins to shake. I'm lucky I'm strapped into one of the bucket seats. Grey and few of the others are not as they fall to the floor.

"What the hell?!" the man yells his eyes searching towards Grey looking for answers.

"Captain Grey to the bridge, emergency!" there's a call however Grey is to his feet before they've even finished. I quickly unstrap myself to follow him and he doesn't protest.

He leads the way quickly to the upper deck and onto the bridge. I realise this is the first time I've been shown or should I say allowed in this section of the ship. Though my steps falter as I enter the room and see what's being displayed on the large monitors.

It's a massacre. Have you ever wondered what happens to a person when one slight bit of their shuttle cracks and they are not wearing space gear? The pressure rips the ship from inside out – and does the same to them.

There are body pieces everywhere but no blood.

I think I can finally say I've seen hell.

I turn to look at Grey and see he's gone as expressionless as a stone. His jaw is set from his tightly grit teeth but his eyes are dead. His hands are balled into tight fists at his sides.

The room is deathly silent as each screen flickers to show different angles of the destruction whilst a thick tension has made its presence as the crew wait for an order.

"Carry on," Grey's stonic voice cuts sharply through the silence. "We'll continue another route to Earth."

"Roger that," I see them punch in new coordinates and a new route appear on the navigation screen adding another 3 weeks onto our journey.

Why the hell are we going so out of the way to get back to Earth?

And why won't they do anything about the wreckage? Those people have families!

"You can't just leave them," I snap surprising even myself. This is a time of peace not of destruction! "Those people have family out there!"

"They stay as they are," the Captain growls defensively.

I find anger flare from within. After these past few weeks I'd started to think he was a reasonable human being. How can he be when he's acting so indifferent to what is displaying on the monitors around the room!

"They deserve to be identified," I say reminding myself of Relena.

He ignores me and indicates for the crew to continue to guide the ship away from the scene.

"You're an unbelievable bastard," I snarl.

This causes him to snap.

He grabs me by the arms and yanks me forcefully towards him. I gasp as our chests collide forcefully together. His green eyes stare down at me and slowly I begin to see the pain which hides beneath them. I stop breathing.

"Their tragedy is distressing I know. They were unfortunate to be in the wrong place at the wrong time," he says his voice void of emotion but I can see it, the pain, the grief, the guilt – all of it shining as plain as day in his eyes.

Realisation suddenly hits me. This wasn't an accident. It was the result of the others. I pull my arms from his grasp horrified at the thought of someone murdering relentlessly like this with no remorse.

"They stay as they are," the Captain confirms once again before turning on his heal and rapidly leaving the room.

I turn back to stare at the monitors – staring at our reality. Grey maybe a fool to thinking he can outrun the others and live in his little fantasy world. But sooner or later he's gonna have to wake up.

xXx

I wake by a loud, sharp knock on my cabin door. My mind is so muggled that for a moment I think I've dreamt it until the knock gets predominantly louder. I groan and raise myself onto the side of my bed. Who the hell could this be? I'm definitely in no mood to be disturbed not after what I'd seen earlier. I'd spent the rest of the night alone thinking about the others and their brutality. It sickens me to think that they are getting away with this.

I stumble through the darkness over to my door and crack it open. Peering through the gap I'm surprised to find Grey on the other side dressed in slacks and a tank top.

"Come with me," he says before I have chance to ask him what the hell he's doing knocking on my door at this hour.

I quickly shove on my shoes and follow him down the corridor. He walks quickly however this time I can keep up with him with ease. My leg has improved to be nearly painless now.

I frown as I notice we are heading towards the fields within the dimmed corridors. My suspicions are correct as we get in the lift in silence. I reframe from speaking not really knowing what to say considering what happened earlier. I can still see the tension in his shoulders.

Finally we get to the ground floor and he pulls out a torch from his pocket. The simulated sky is displaying a bright full moon; it looks almost mystical, like something out of a fairy-tale. He leads me onto the grass and this time the opposite way to where I used to dig for potatoes. It feels as if we're breaking some forbidden law coming in here at night when it's deserted.

However without the crew busily working it's just as if we're on earth. I can hear the animals making noises in the distance and the crickets happily chirping along somewhere in the grass. The twinkling of the running river seems so much louder.

We briskly walk for around 10 minutes until we reach a small forest of trees and in the centre is a large oak. There's just enough light for me to notice a spade and a small tree to my left still housed within a bucket and not planted.

"What are we doing?" I ask.

"What we saw today –" I hear him speak softly but then stop. He sighs frustrated, "I'm not as cold as you seem to think I am."

I frown within the darkness but I don't need to see him because I can sense his grief, his guilt.

"I don't think you're cold," I reply. "You did what any captain would do to keep his crew safe."

He doesn't seem convinced.

"Usually when we find wreckage like that there is nothing we can do, which is why we're here," he turns and picks up the spade. "I plant a tree in the memory of all the innocents we come across. Then in some way we've paid tribute to them and their families."

I find my mouth drop slightly at his words and the realisation of the meaning of all the trees surrounding us. It makes my stomach knot as I take in the number of all the innocent people the others have killed.

"I wanted you to help me," He holds out the spade towards me and says his voice barely a whisper, "I couldn't sleep until I'd laid them to rest."

I look at him and almost feel as if I'm staring back at myself when I'd accidently blown up the Pacifist ship. Now I know the reason he's brought me here, even though he doesn't know what I've been through he knows I'm the only one who would understand him.

I nod and grab the spade from his grasp, "where are we planting it?"

He points to a place just off to our right and I set to work. I dig a hole just big enough for the tree to fit into without toppling over. I help Grey pull the sapling out of its growing pot and together we place it in the hole and cover it over.

Sitting back on my heels within the surrounding mud I say a silent pray for the fallen civilians and for everyone I've ever hurt. I know it's only a small step and I have a long way to go but I feel almost lighter as if a weight has been taken off my shoulders.

Opening my eyes I find Grey staring silently back at me. His gaze is piercing as if he's staring straight through me and into my soul. I feel my chest become heavy and my stomach twist into a figure of eight. I can't seem to look away because all my senses are drawn to him and this undeniable understanding between the two of us.

Suddenly I feel a drop of water splash onto my face and then another onto my shoulder. Looking up I frown as I'm splashed with even more until there's a sudden downpour of what I can only recognise as rain.

"Shit!" I hear Grey cry and rush to his feet. It however takes me longer to respond because if I close my eyes it almost feels like I'm back on earth sitting in the middle of nowhere.

I feel Grey grab my hand and drag me off towards the lift. The doors ping open and we rush inside. As the doors slide shut I hear a chuckle escape from the mouth of the Captain. His eyes are alive with his laughter and I can't help but laugh along with him. We look a state, covered in mud and soaked to the bone.

"I forgot it was supposed to rain tonight," he says casually causing me to shake my head in amusement.

I quietly catch the way he tries to ring out his tank top revealing a bit of his flat, toned stomach underneath. I stop breathing and don't take another breath until we're out of the lift and walking swiftly to my room.

**TBC…**


End file.
